Happy 2nd Channiversary

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Your husband has collapsed, but we got him back. Where would you like us to send him?” Clerk at the U of I”What? Oh he’s probably just dehydrated again. Just throw his butt in an ambulance, I’ll see him at Carle” Ronnie

I had NO idea at just how serious it was…

Lord, if you really need a Merrill in heaven, please, please take me instead. I cannot bear to live my life on this earth without him. Please watch over him, please hold him, please love him and take care of him, because I cannot do this alone….I….cannot….do…..this! Please Jesus, Please Jesus, Please Jesus……Please!”….Ronnie’s prayer as she was driving to tell her kids.

Happy 2nd Channiversary Doll….I love you.

You get used to the ground turkey, chicken, meals without salt, no alcohol (although we never did drink), the meds, and the appointments. What you don’t get used to is the constant assessment with your senses…..he doesn’t even know you’re doing it….but you watch his face, his demeanor, is he sweating…is he breathing heavy….is his face ashen…..I mean, you take his Apical pulse, you attend all Cardio appointments, you set up his meds and stay on the pharmacy to make sure they aren’t late….you do this, because God, in His almighty Grace and Mercy gave you both a second chance. God Said AMEN….I am never, ever going to be able to repay Him for his kindness. Happy 2nd Channiversary….Oh my GOD….I still can’t talk about this without crying.

For anyone not in the know, a year ago today, at 12:20pm, Merrill dropped dead while playing basketball at the University of Illinois. He was there one second, and gone the next. The two things that saved his life, was the decision to play basketball (I would have found him at home on the floor), and the AED they had just installed the day before….on the court. The Cardiologists called it Sudden Cardiac Death Incident, the result of a 95 % occlusion in the LAD, and the inability of his electrical conduction system to overcome such an obstacle…because he was probably dehydrated….so I was right. He spent a few days in the hospital, many more days at home (his driver’s license was suspended), then in March of 2017 we got a cute little doorbell attached to his heart….Funny story…at discharge, he got himself a cute little Lifevest. If you’ve never seen one, it’s a white wrap around, with these little iPhones inside of them, that constantly transmit vitals and data to some office in another state. The Cardiologist told us not to have Nesquick for a few weeks….so the question became, “What if we’re….um….you know….and the alarm goes off?“…without skipping a beat, Doctor said to us in his African accent, “Get OFF!“….don’t think that wasn’t in the back of my head, EVERY DAY!

There were NO warnings. Merrill was an athlete, always working out, always active….what killed him was FAMILY HISTORY, so if you’ve ever answered, “Yes” to any of the questions the M.D. asks you on the form about family, consider yourself at risk, when you hit your 40’s. He didn’t see the light, he didn’t hear the voice of God, he didn’t grasp his heart and reach for the sky in a dramatic fashion, he just dropped dead, and seized on the floor, and my ass had the nerve to act annoyed. My Nursing School family will tell you that my hair fell out IN CLUMPS, I was anxious, I cried all the time, I was always distracted, I tried so hard to make my kids life normal….like IT never happened…I took on the entire world, and it crushed my soul…..but he’s here…and while I still cry…I still worry….I still have the anxiety…..I don’t think this monster will ever die….This monster, I put in my pocket and take with me every day, but I’m trying not to let him get to me….he reminds me that I love my husband when he makes jokes like, “I only died a little“…ENOUGH! This is an auspicious occasion….we are celebrating his 2nd chance at life….we take it one day at a time and while I do miss my porterhouse, it’s okay, you get used to turkey! Gobble, gobble, gobble! …..Happy 2nd Channiversary Merrill….I love you! It’s gonna be a great day….Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.

Home

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If Home really is where the heart is, then I should probably call my heart, and tell her where I am“…..Ronnie giggling at herself this am.

 

I’ve known people in Danville, and some here, who’ve never, ever left the area. I mean, they travel, but as far as moving or getting out for any extended period of time, they’ve never left their homes. There are times, like when we visited Colorado Springs, that I thought I could totally move and be happy, but I now see that’s not true. The gala last night was beautiful, we had a great time, met lots and lots of people (oh I could tell you some stories of rich drunk people), but it was missing the garlic spice on my spaghetti…Know what I mean? I’ve carefully watched the Danville news, I know the crime rate….I see the city in crises….and I still miss it. Home….It really IS about where you lie your pearls. I don’t do change well do I?

Wanna go to Tahoe for Christmas?” I asked Merrill a few days ago. I’m going to put on the face, decorate the tree (my Halloween decorations are still up…ugh), and I’ll go through the motions, because we do this for our kids and our sweet baby Jesus….but really, to stay at home doesn’t seem necessary. Hell, I don’t even know what we’re going to do for Thanksgiving. Who will go with me to Wal-Mart and dare some stranger to step to me over a small piece of electronic equipment? Where are my ATA mom’s gonna be, as I tell a stranger to get the hell back, and up out of my face? What about mom’s chocolate pie, chicken and noodles, the fruit plate we’d bring every year, the family that drove me BSC….but I miss now…..I was bragging about my Publicist last night to a friend, then thought, “I haven’t talked to her in YEARS”…..we used to be joined at the hip……I’m not doing well with this am I?

And SO….I KNOW….that all this….rests within ME. The sh*t about self-happiness, and contentment is now coming home to roost, and I’m resenting it. The holidays especially are going to be hard, but I have my little family here….So, I’m serious about Lake Tahoe. A lodge, a cozy room, snow, a small tree…presents….coffee….beautiful lodge fire….Santa will find us, of this I am sure. Home….the embodiment of the spirit rests within our heart….NO, it may not be the same, but the same isn’t always good. I do miss the Fall in the Midwest….the leaves, the gentle 60mph winds coming off the plains, the big ass Wolf spiders who’d try to eat your brain while you slept, the wood burning stoves, the cold wood floors, the friends, the sweatshirts, Saturday U of I football, I mean, I DO miss it, and I might just to have to accept that I will never, ever live there again, but as long as I have Merrill that has to be enough…..Sigh…. Home is in the heart and I’ll make a new heart here….I’ll get over it, especially when I see you getting 8 ft of snow in January (I’ll be home in January for a minute). So I gotta go. Not sure about church today….that’s the part I miss the most I think….Church. We’ll get back to that another day…..Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

The 23rd Psalm

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“He doesn’t know it, but I still cry…..when you’re powerless, sometimes there’s nothing else you can do….I’ve spent the last year, trying to calm a racing heart. Don’t Judge Me, until you’ve been me.” Ronnie to her doctor a few weeks ago.

The Lord Is My Sheppard…..I shall not want. Psalms 23…..

 

Oh, I GET it NOW!

 

It’s not disrespect to write that November appears to be the Charles Bronson of months, what with all the death wishes going around, it’s amazing how many of my friends are still alive. If you’re not familiar with the 2nd Chance Club, you’re lucky…right? The 2nd Chance Club is filled with people who survived death, and their spouses who relive that Vietnam everyday. Indeed, the greatest gift given to man, through Christ….is the 2nd Chance. It’s not given to everyone…..For example, I was telling Merrill about a conversation I had with fellow 2nd Chancer, in which I informed him that only 2-5% of Sudden Death Cardiac Incidents victims survive outside the hospital….meaning if I place 100 people in a room, I’m only going to let 2…walk out, and there’s no guarantee that the two that do, are going to be healthy…..as a matter of fact, the healthiest ones….I might just KILL. The 23rd Psalm....I get it now….I totally get it.

So okay, I’m not gonna preach….but yeah, I still struggle with anxiety. Oh My Lord, why? Is it because my body is still in a state of fight or flight, and I’m trying to fight a beast that no longer threatens me? How did the survivors of Michael and Jason live out the rest of their lives? Did they peek around corners first, did they conceal carry, did they just stay in bed and under the covers? I know I have to remember it took some time for the monsters with Duchess to go away as well…until then though, here I sit on some days, and just start to shake….Jason I could handle, the beast Merrill and I fought was far, far greater…..

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

The 23rd Psalm was all about quieting the soul in the midst of chaos….There’s always going to be chaos….David got this right…..There’s chaos, like getting the kids dinner then ready for bed, then there’s CHAOS, like hair falling out, crying all the time, heart rate skipping, TERROR….anyone in the 2nd Chance Club gets that….For me, it’s not about the Lord being my Sheppard, it’s about the Lord keeping safe, my highest cards….David recognized that he was powerless, helpless, and totally dependent upon his God, and David was okay with it. I am NOT. I have fought for the right to call my own shots my entire life, then THIS comes along, and reveals that being in control is really just an illusion? Yea well, we’ll get back to that some day…..I thin if I could get my head, behind my heart, my anxiety would go away……I really can’t fathom a life without him in it, and I thank you Lord for our 2nd chance. Gotta go. Cinderella ball tonight…it’s not like the one in Danville, but it’s something….and at least we’re getting out. Let me leave you, with what David had intended to teach you….He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He maketh me, because I still can’t get past the “I’m in charge” phase of my life….Father really does know best…..Besides the still waters sounds so amazing right? Well, David would know, so I guess I’ll try to trust in his song….even if my head won’t allow my heart….to feel it. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday.

Your Very Best

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Did the darkness beg for Mercy when you rolled away the stone?” Lyrics to a song I heard this morning. I had to share it.

God didn’t send down his second best. He didn’t say ‘Hey Gabe’ you go down there. He sent His own son, His very best, to save your soul“. Pastor’s message….

Are you giving Your Very Best?

 

I hate reading my old columns. I mean, I was so STUPID! How did any of you, save for just being my friends, every tolerate such crap from me? Anyone who participates in a creative process, is never quite satisfied with their work, and I’m not alone in that. From Hollywood stars to journalists, from mommies to craft geniuses, no one appreciates the gift of posterity. I guess what I’m saying is that we never quite feel like we’re giving it our very best….and while I’m glad God doesn’t feel that way, understand that in each of us, rests perfection. If you didn’t do your best, people notice. Your Very Best….LOL, who gets to decide that anyway?

I was talking with another mom the other day, and the subject of “Mom Guilt” came up. Mom Guilt is a real thing, and it’s a real thing because as parents, we never quite feel like we’ve done right by our kids….but that’s an illusion. Maybe it’s my old age, I don’t know, but I look back in my past and realize in many instances, I did, the best I could and besides what does total contentment look like anyway? I mean, whose yard stick are we using to measure up our own personal achievements? We’re using the Smith and Jones that’s who, and the danger in that is that they’re just as screwed up as we are…..I giggle when I think that some of you look up to me, because you have to know that I don’t have it figured out any more than you do…and I’m not even trying to cover it up…..I think that’s why I’m so honest and brutal. I don’t want you thinking I’m better. I’ve had the life where I looked up to the “Beautiful People” and the one thing I learned from my idealization of their lives is this…..they have their own issues….issues you’d never want to have…..Hell, they may even be envying you….and that’s #truth.

I advised the other mother, “If at the end of the day, you can admit that you’ve done nothing wrong then the guilt you feel is not deserved”. I’ve spent the last few months sitting at a park bench by myself, while waiting for Sweetness to get out of school. One day last week a woman came over to me and asked if she could sit with me. I knew of her, and even dubbed her one of the “Ladies who lunch“. Every day, they’d sit at their table and look down at the others in the park….but this day, because my bench was in the shade, she wanted to sit with me, and as she did so, she confided in me that her husband was at home sick with AFib, the dreaded heart disease that robs spouses of their partners everyday. She was tired, weak, and at the end of her rope. I told her, I knew her pain….not only as a home care nurse, but also as a spouse taking care of a spouse with VFib….we connected. The next day, she and all her “ladies” sat at my bench…..LOL, guess I’m in….but my point is, I held her in contempt….because I thought, she thought, she was better than I…..I now realize she doesn’t, nor did she ever, feel that way.

Your Very Best….at the end of the day, complete contentment comes in knowing that you did all you could do, to make a project successful. Whether that’s making a new confident, doing your job, (sigh) writing your column, making a movie, or just being a parent; which honestly, is the hardest job in the world! If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then contentment is as close to God as you’re going to get with a clean house, but the devil knows this, and will do all within his power, to keep you restless, and dissatisfied with your person. Only YOU can judge whether you did a good job, only YOU should measure up against YOU, and only YOU should know that by doing your best….in any function….is what others admire. Bemoaning the fact that my readership was down, Merrill said to me, “I thought you didn’t care”, and he was right….I had started to compare myself with the Greats in this business, and in doing that, I began to hate, that which I loved. This isn’t a column meant to make you feel touchy feely about the Lord, this is about your inner Peace, and asking yourself, “Did I do anything wrong, and could I have done better?“….If your answer is, “NO“….then no need to doubt your creation…..Remember this, above all things, if I can be successful writing tripe, you too can do all things, and be better than I ever was….and that’s a stone cold promise. Your Very Best….God gave to you, so you could give to others, and honestly, He will bless your WORKS…..He will, like the Godfather, remember all you did in His Name. Don’t let the devil steal your joy….you are just as good as Smith and Jones….you are special, worthy, and loved….and getting in a pissing contest against others, will never see you the victor. Now, get out there and create….do YOU….be the best someone, and do your best for someone, that you can….and I’m not saying this because I won the Merrill Bowl today. I’m saying this because I wasted so much time trying to measure up, when I was beautifully measured the whole time….Now, get out there and be YOU. Come on…show me what you got. Be Blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There Goes My Baby

I do love him very much.
I do love him very much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh! Good Morning” Ronnie to her kids.

 

Sigh….I guess he’s old enough now. As I made my way down the banister staircase, I saw my two babies on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons. He was with her, covered in a blanket, watching The Loud House…..Awww…..They didn’t want to wake me, and so, he…the amazing big brother that he is, sat on the couch with his little sister, quietly waiting for mommy to come downstairs. This is what we all hope to achieve with our babies….Saturday am sleeping in….yet, there’s a certain sense of sadness that overcomes me….like I feel like I just gave birth to him yesterday. ….There Goes My Baby…..excuse me, I need a moment.

A cashier asked him how he was doing, “Well ma’am. Thank you” then she looked at me as if to say, “What are you kidding me with him?“, like they don’t have polite young men in California. She was so impressed, she told the other cashier, “Ask him how he is”….YEP, my son, the polite freak show…….but I don’t mind…..I expect to hear good things about him…..because that’s my boy. He’s a good boy, smart boy, and even though you gotta crack the whip every now and then, he actually has a pretty decent center. Merrill and I were joking about who he was most like….”Genetics!” I corrected, when Merrill said the boy was like me in the way of cracking himself up….”I want genetics, not learned behavior” and the truth is, he IS more like his father, regardless of how many times I try to beat it out of him…..He has this Engineer brain that’s amazing to watch….and if he’d just use it for good….the world would be an amazing place to live……but his sense of humor reminds me of a young man, I once met and fell in love with, oh so long ago.

There Goes My Baby….Gone is the little boy who would dance in his pj’s for chocolate milk, the one who built a bridge from the couch to the table with a plastic rifle, then tried to walk said bridge, and fell….earning a black eye. The little boy who ran in the pavilion, tripped, then tore a gash in his forehead. The little boy who once told his dad from the backseat, “Dad, Hulk said ‘bitch'”. The little boy who started the first official Fight Club at the DACC Child Care Center, AND taught all the little boys that they didn’t have to go inside to pee….they just go on the fence. The little boy, who upon hearing he could NOT have the last brownie, told his dad, “Just put it on my plate“. The little boy who punched a bully in the face, and felt bad about it. The little boy who mocked Santa with his 5th Degree Instructor, by creating a new Christmas greeting, “Hibby Jibby”. The little boy who, after arriving in California, set about to make friends, AND DID!…..It’s like yesterday I gave birth, and this morning, he got his sister up, letting me sleep in…..I wonder what life will have in store for him…..will he be kind with hearts, will he make an obnoxious red-head happy? Sigh….if the next 11yrs is anything like the first 11yrs….he’s going to be an amazing young man…..but I CAN wait…to see it…I really, really CAN. Excuse me, my allergies are acting up. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday.

 

 

Oh HELL NO!

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A 14 year girl on a school bus in Decatur, Illinois had her pants and underwear pulled down as she was trying to keep other students from taking candy she had received for her birthday. The principal says she wouldn’t have had the problem if she didn’t bring the candy on the bus. Action has not been taken, and the Administration is having trouble locating the video from the bus.

Oh HELL NO!

They say violence never solved anything, and when I hear “them” say that, I say, “STFU”. Violence solves everything…especially when the violence comes from a momma bear, whose willing to die, for her cubbies. PLEASE let some fake ass wanna be gangster start that mess with my babies, and I’ll rain down on your house so fast, even the Lord will be like, “Daaaannnnggg”.

The three issues we have with this is 1. The girl being assaulted (yes assaulted) on the bus, 2. The School Administrator victim blaming, and 3. We don’t have the follow-up story from her mother punching the teeth down the throat of the Admins. Let’s get something straight right now…if my child comes to you, as the school HBIC, and you victim blame her, your ass is just as green as the lawn ima about to mow? You feel me? This is why people like Weinstein had it easy…because from an early age, females are made to believe that all the bad things that happen to them, are due in some part, to their own actions. Now, I’m going to cut Hollywood actresses from a different cloth, because they had ability to confront their bully, but a 14yr old girl, is different, and to pull her pants down on a bus, is tantamount to assault, and the people responsible should be punished…..but is Decatur doing that? NO….what they’re doing is assuring another generation of Brock Lesnar’s will grow up to feel entitled to treat females anyway they see fit, and when they’re caught at it, they’ll go on to be big Hollywood producers. Here’s how we solve the problem…..

  • MOTHER’S…stand UP for your babies. My God, you are the Bear…you are the proverbial female scorned. Stand up and show this society what a pissed off female can do. If your daughter was mistreated at school, and you’re afraid to front, call me Boo…I got your back. Stand up to the Administration…tell them, that if they don’t bring the people responsible to accountability, you’ll call a doctor, lawyer, media celebrity, and Veronica Philips to coordinate your assault and battery defense.
  • Teach your children to beat some ASS! If that’s not politically correct, go pound yourself, because I don’t care. My son damned near broke the nose of a bully one day because he was immediately threatened, AND, right before he beat this kid, he had warned adults that he was going to beat this kid. Duchess, all things NOT Princess, is going to learn from me, that if her person is ever disrespected, she is going to lay the smack down on that ass so quick…even the freaking Hulk will be like, “That’s right BROTHER”…..Teach your children to respect themselves, then defend themselves, before they have to check others at the door…..if you can’t do that, then find a program that CAN! Martial Arts will teach your children patience, honor, trust, respect, and courtesy, then when they’ve taught all that, they’ll teach your child that to mess with them, is to mess with the A-Team….the ATA Team, and if you’ve never been to an ATA Martial Arts Training Center, understand that those mommies roll DEEP! You screw with one, you’re screwing with them all baby, and we don’t lube first.
  • Your child is a gift from the Creator Himself. A holy and divine breathed inspiration that deserves to know and understand how special and loved they are…Your child should never, ever be forced into a position of total humiliation, because humiliation comes not from the Lord, but from Satan. You need to make sure that they know you have their backs at ALL TIMES….even if you have to put dinner on low, grab your Nikes, tie your hair up in a bun, and Vaseline those knuckles, because you’re getting ready to beat some trifling ass…..your child needs to know that behind them, stands a force of nature so fierce, that even tornado’s will submit to your fury when they see your path a coming!

Bullying has got to stop, victim blaming has got to stop, and frankly, the weak-ass “We don’t want to confront it” Administration has to be stopped. Oh HELL NO! I swear to all things Dior, you don’t want me in your office…..I swear that my children will learn to beat your child’s ass on the bus, and this I swear above all things pure, if my children are ever touched in such a humiliating manner, not only will I make it rain in your office, Mr. Principal, but I will also be on the doorstep of his/her parents within the hour…and I’m not bringing cookies either. I’ve taken on, just as many as I’ve taken out, and let me tell you, after the 1st punch, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Ladies, you ARE the FORCE. You had the babies, now protect them…and if you need me, call me. It is our job, first and foremost to protect our children….DAMN…I need a fight. Wonder what hubby is doing right now? Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

Denying The Devil

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Denying The Devil His Due

Here I sit in this beautiful place, and wonder why God cursed me by not allowing me to be normal. Sigh….I’d kill….to be normal, but as I am not a Role Model, what do I have to lose?

It was about this time last year, when my nemesis “Anxiety” reared her ugly head, and it became much worse on Nov 7th, when my husband suffered his Sudden Death Cardiac Incident. Oh, you all remember don’t ya? I don’t know why I thought it would just go away, yet here we are, a year later, and 3x in the last month alone, I’ve been awakened from a sleep, or just been sitting on the couch, and my heart rate jumped, with an overwhelming sense of doom that I just can’t shake off. Denying The Devil His Due. If we’d just get it out in the open, we’d see that there is power in numbers.

I’ve made my bones sharing and admitting things that many keep private, and while I am indeed a true introvert, I’ve discovered that by sharing my issues, I’ve not only (maybe) helped others, but others have helped me as well. See, the only thing that evil needs to flourish, is for us, good people, to say nothing. It isn’t easy, you know, admitting to my weaknesses, yet here I am, weakened by an condition I have no control over. If you don’t suffer from anxiety, I count you as among the blessed, because let me tell you, that you can’t just get over anxiety. “Take your mind off of it“, and “It’s all in your head” are the two worst things you can say to a loved one powerless over their condition. In the end, we KNOW we have to walk through it, but to do so with others who understand, is far better, than to facing it alone. I am weak, but in you, I am made strong. Yet….yet…many still suffer in silence, because they’re ashamed, and embarrassed.

And so here I sit and desperately wonder why I can’t be normal like everyone else . Then I realize there is no normal, and we are simply products of our personal choices. So really, I can walk through life in silence , and suffer while doing what the devil wants, or…..or I can admit my flaws, ask for understanding, and hope that in a short time, I can be made whole again. Denying The Devil His Due….the only way to beat him, is to engage in relational relationships with each other by relying on each other for support, then admitting that a problem exists. The Devil likes silence, so I’m going to go the other direction, and make him rue the day I was born. If that doesn’t work, I may just try some Essential Oils. I’m sure there’s an oil for this, and I’m sure it came from Satan. Relax. I’m just kidding. Sorta…..I’m sorta kidding. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone. You ARE the Example. Be KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday.

Daughters

Touch her, and I swear to God, I'll kill you myself.
Touch her, and I swear to God, I’ll kill you myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh this is a bunch of BS” Ronnie after reading a trending article about Damon and Affleck.

Harvey Weinstein has me upset, but not for the reasons you think….Matt Damon and a “Journalist” had a debate, in which Damon (and actor Russel Crow) were accused of killing a story several years ago, about Weinstein and his habit of harassing Hollywood actresses. Of course Damon denies the allegations, and why wouldn’t he? He’s successful, and no one wants to believe that Jason Bourne would sit back and allow women to be assaulted. The thing that gets to me is grown men with daughters of their own, are NOW speaking out…and they’re doing it, because they have daughters, and don’t want them to become “victims”. Gotcha…so its okay to look the other way, if you don’t have a little girl of your own. Daughters. The solution isn’t to protect them, but teach them how to protect themselves.

I started quite the mosh pit on my FB page, when I accused the female elite of speaking out against Trump, when they had their own skeletons in the closet. The brunt of my anger rested with Judd, and her pink hat wearing ass, standing at the podium pontificating on why Trump was bad for the gender….Yet, in her own admission, she was a prey of the Weinstein monster, and did NOTHING, to help those left behind in the trails of her success. So really, the harassment, and sexual tits for tats, were tolerated as long as jobs were at stake. Jolie and Arquette, also notable “victims” gave their versions of their encounters with Weinstein in his hotel. Granted, both declined his offer of fame and fortune, but only Arquette was denied a role. Jolie admitted to telling other women to watch out for Weinstein, but that’s hardly a consolation to some poor, little, off-the-bus star wannabe, from the Midwest, who couldn’t speak up for herself. Hollywood tolerated Weinstein and his habit of assaulting women….they tolerated it…..and a monster roamed freely, while they looked the other way. Casting couch anyone?

It shouldn’t take having a daughter to get a man to do the right thing. That excuse needs to end NOW. Ben Affleck apologized to Hilarie Burton, for grabbing her boobs several years ago on an episode of MTV’s “Total Request Live”. Of course, he didn’t have daughters then, he does now, and he feels badly for humiliating her on national television. Well first, I have to wonder why MTV didn’t address it at the time? Oh yes, he was FAMOUS! Secondly, it wasn’t inappropriate, unacceptable, nor WRONG to do it, until Affleck had daughters…..Weinstein held the future of many actresses in the palm of his hands and had a blank check to treat women like crap. Apparently, other Hollywood notables, like George Clooney, knew about it, because Clooney gave an interview in which he admitted to knowing several high-profile actresses who had slept with Harvey to gain their fame…..so why didn’t he speak up? Oh yeah, tolerance.

When my monster was destroying lives all across Kentucky, one little girl did dare to speak out, and was silenced so quickly, it was easily believed a lie. I hold those who knew, and did nothing, in higher contempt, than those who had to submit. Look, we don’t need men to protect us, what we need is US to stand WITH us, as we fight FOR us…..This sh*t about a man having a daughter so its now all not OKAY is a cop out piece of crap. Affleck was always wrong, Weinstein was always wrong, knowing about it and doing nothing, was always wrong. The best thing we can do for our daughters and little sisters is fight for them….this is where the Hollywood elite failed. They didn’t FIGHT for their little sisters….they moved on, some hoped a warning would be enough, but really…is a warning ever enough? No…it isn’t. Wanna protect your daughters? Make sure they know that the violation of their person, is never okay. It is NEVER okay….it is never OKAY. IDGAF how many daughters people have, wrong is wrong, regardless of how they feel about it now. I’m disappointed more in my sex, than the men who took their advantages with them…because as a group, we are powerful. How else could we have convinced an entire society that killing our unborn child is only our business…. had we not stood together at the USSC? The only thing worse than teaching your daughter the wrong thing, is not knowing it’s wrong, until you have one!  Teach your daughter to stand up for herself…and don’t put that “The right thing is easy” garbage into her head….If it were, we’d all be doing the right thing. Remember, wrong is always wrong….it doesn’t matter how many girls you have. Seems a ridiculous concept to preach on….too bad, it’s not a hypothetical situation. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday.

And Then I Panicked

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Should I have brought children into this world?

 

You need to stay in your lane white girl” A thread I had the pleasure of wasting my time on today, and THAT was a polite comment.

I don’t call the killing of Trump Supporters a tragedy, I call it Community Outreach“. Douchbag from Chicago.

And Then I Panicked…..I can’t be the only Empath on sensory overload.

I had to work, so it was a blessing to stay off the social media giant for a day, because my empathetic heart was broken. Not for the deceased or wounded, although it should go without saying that YES, my heart was broken for them as well…NO, I was upset by the change of empathetic decorum that normally exists after such a national tragedy. So much so, that I had to write out a PSA warning all who’d read it, that if anyone felt the victims of Las Vegas deserved to die, based on their possible political affiliation, then those people were welcome to get off my friends list. A friend, whom I never agree with, agreed with me. I should have seen it then….I read some trolling comments on various Nefarious sits, saw the lack of empathy, then realized that we were officially in the End Times….I started to wonder if bringing my children into this world was a mistake….And Then I Panicked….if this is bad, how much worse is it going to get? Oh, much, much WORSE. I promise you THAT.

If you’re not educated in the teachings of the Bible (and I don’t mean that in a bad way), understand that Christians understand what I mean. Jesus spoke about the End Times being wars, rumors of war, desolation, and natural disasters (hurricanes anyone?) but the thing that bears witnessing, is that He also warned us about the mutual hatred man will have for man. I’ve always argued that the End Times began at the death of Christ, but in the last two years….(and you feel it too)….there’s been a paradigm shift…from Empathy to Apathy, then from Apathy to HATRED. I read a thread on a local scanner group about a couple of panhandlers, whom people were going to batter…..The Las Vegas shooting served as official warning that we are now at the beginning of the end….are you ready?

In every other tragedy, we’ve come together and told our leaders that we will overcome. WE will stand, and rise up, against the powers that dare to step to our strength. After the Columbine Massacre, Jerry Springer promised to have a kinder, gentler show, movie theaters promised not to allow underage minors into “R” rated movies, the media promised to tone down the rhetoric, but yeah….that’s gone. In the aftermath of the Las Vegas shooting, some began to rejoice in the death of “Trump Supporting Republicans” what’s worse, is that they didn’t even care to stop to think that those “Trump Supporters” were children, mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. If you lost a child, would you want to read people rejoicing about it?  We’re pissed that the NFL wants to take a stand (or knee), and we’re pissed if a brother fights for equality, yet no one…stops to think of the horrible, overwhelming loss a parent is going through right now. Death was supposed to unite us, and now, it’s a celebration of a life lost.

And so a white woman called out black men who sent her messages complaining about their distaste for black women. The refreshment came in the form of support for her stand….Some however, found it offensive, but not because she was wrong, but because she was WHITE. “Black women have been saying this for years” one commentator noted, yet another, “You need to stay in your lane Becky, and let us worry about us“….Yes well, a dog is a dog, regardless of the color of one’s skin….Las Vegas convinced me that the prophecy had come true….Like Abraham, you’d be pressed to find 10 people who still love each other. We take pleasure in pain, we mock, scold, hate and hurt those we don’t even know, and now, I think about my children, and the scorched earth we leave behind. And Then I Panicked….Yes, I am a professional troll, and probably take too much pleasure in the humiliation of a subset of the population, but I am not a role model…..you guys are. Maybe instead of boycotting; which never works (really), we could purposely take direct actions that will better the life of a brother. Just one action….once a week. I’m volunteering this Sunday…. Each one teach one…then maybe we can starve off the hate, for one more day. I dunno, maybe we need to stay off Facebook….how cool would a boycott of social media be? LOL, that’s crazy speak, especially since I haven’t been discovered yet. And Then I Panicked.….Please Jesus, the pain in this world is palpable……I will desperately try to remember what made me Nefarious to begin with, “Cause no pain…where pain already exists“. Can we all do that together tomorrow? You know, instead of worrying about our RIGHTS…..we can start addressing our WRONGS…TOGETHER. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Friday.

 

 

 

 

 

Family First

Our Greatest Generation
Our Greatest Generation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You read about it happening, but you never think it will happen to you“….Wife of a client

 

Family First….if the family wipes out, there will BE no one to take care of the patient. Isolation….breeds contempt.

 

I have dueling points today, but they merge, when you get to the fork in the home care road. One of the aspects of the job that they  don’t include in training is that you will be a counselor for primary caregiver of a client with complicated health conditions. I get it. After Merrill’s Sudden Cardiac Death Incident, I was a wreck. My life became hell on steroids, as I went from a two adult household to just me. I had lost my hair, my nerve, my moxie and almost my sanity. Trying to keep the kids lives (and Merrill’s) as normal as possible, I had taken the weight of their world, and placed it up on my shoulders. It wasn’t until a friend asked me how I was doing, that it occurred to me that everyone was making sure Merrill and the kids were okay, no one had thought to make sure I was okay….it felt selfish to feel that way, but that was my truth. I then made the decision to make “Family First” care, a priority in the care I provided.

This is just simply me, writing from experience. Many of you don’t mean to do it, after all, you all care. I KNOW you do, but we think we have no way to connect to our once vibrant parent or friend, so we no longer visit….or call. Listen, to be the primary care giver of someone with a debilitating condition, is more stress than you’d ever ask to be placed upon an enemy. You see, my client, a former high-ranking official in the military, suffered two strokes that left him with left-sided paralysis, and he’s restricted to a wheelchair, and a lift, for his mobility needs. Some in the family think that they can pick him up, and “carry” him to the washroom, or the kitchen (etc), when they visit, but that’s humiliating for him, so they elect not to travel. Friends don’t call and ask to go out to dinner any more, and so the only people they can socialize with are the nurses and CNA’s that come by for care…..

Had I stopped with the bathing, toileting, feeding and washing, it would have been enough….but as he took out a word search, I commented that I was pretty good at them, so he slid the book over to me, and together, we searched for words. Yes, I pulled my punches, but looking for words was connecting…and while we were connecting, I was speaking, with the wife. Friends have good intentions, but because my client can no longer speak (he only says a few words), it may be that friends think they cannot communicate, and therefore, don’t even try….Just because someone has a stroke, dementia, CHF, COPD (whatever) doesn’t mean, they don’t have feelings. They do, and they don’t want to be treated differently. They KNOW they’re different….they just want to be treated with the respect and dignity they deserve. “Family First” means if you take care of the family, the family will have the emotional energy to take care of their charge…..we (I) can take care of the family by shouldering the harder burdens like showering, and they can do the fun stuff….like the word searches. If you know someone that’s suffered with a life-altering condition, don’t shun them because you think you’ll not be able to connect….They’ll take you any way they can get you. This is GOSPEL. Family First. It’s an approached I created, out of my own need for connection. Family and friends really helped me out, when I needed them, so that I could take care of Merrill, and his complicated needs. It isn’t enough to call…..it’s a start….but actually showing up, and getting some face time in, may just be what the home care nurse ordered. I pray none of you ever need my services….but I’ll be there for you, and your family, if you ever do….Be Blessed

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

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