Family First

Our Greatest Generation
Our Greatest Generation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You read about it happening, but you never think it will happen to you“….Wife of a client

 

Family First….if the family wipes out, there will BE no one to take care of the patient. Isolation….breeds contempt.

 

I have dueling points today, but they merge, when you get to the fork in the home care road. One of the aspects of the job that they  don’t include in training is that you will be a counselor for primary caregiver of a client with complicated health conditions. I get it. After Merrill’s Sudden Cardiac Death Incident, I was a wreck. My life became hell on steroids, as I went from a two adult household to just me. I had lost my hair, my nerve, my moxie and almost my sanity. Trying to keep the kids lives (and Merrill’s) as normal as possible, I had taken the weight of their world, and placed it up on my shoulders. It wasn’t until a friend asked me how I was doing, that it occurred to me that everyone was making sure Merrill and the kids were okay, no one had thought to make sure I was okay….it felt selfish to feel that way, but that was my truth. I then made the decision to make “Family First” care, a priority in the care I provided.

This is just simply me, writing from experience. Many of you don’t mean to do it, after all, you all care. I KNOW you do, but we think we have no way to connect to our once vibrant parent or friend, so we no longer visit….or call. Listen, to be the primary care giver of someone with a debilitating condition, is more stress than you’d ever ask to be placed upon an enemy. You see, my client, a former high-ranking official in the military, suffered two strokes that left him with left-sided paralysis, and he’s restricted to a wheelchair, and a lift, for his mobility needs. Some in the family think that they can pick him up, and “carry” him to the washroom, or the kitchen (etc), when they visit, but that’s humiliating for him, so they elect not to travel. Friends don’t call and ask to go out to dinner any more, and so the only people they can socialize with are the nurses and CNA’s that come by for care…..

Had I stopped with the bathing, toileting, feeding and washing, it would have been enough….but as he took out a word search, I commented that I was pretty good at them, so he slid the book over to me, and together, we searched for words. Yes, I pulled my punches, but looking for words was connecting…and while we were connecting, I was speaking, with the wife. Friends have good intentions, but because my client can no longer speak (he only says a few words), it may be that friends think they cannot communicate, and therefore, don’t even try….Just because someone has a stroke, dementia, CHF, COPD (whatever) doesn’t mean, they don’t have feelings. They do, and they don’t want to be treated differently. They KNOW they’re different….they just want to be treated with the respect and dignity they deserve. “Family First” means if you take care of the family, the family will have the emotional energy to take care of their charge…..we (I) can take care of the family by shouldering the harder burdens like showering, and they can do the fun stuff….like the word searches. If you know someone that’s suffered with a life-altering condition, don’t shun them because you think you’ll not be able to connect….They’ll take you any way they can get you. This is GOSPEL. Family First. It’s an approached I created, out of my own need for connection. Family and friends really helped me out, when I needed them, so that I could take care of Merrill, and his complicated needs. It isn’t enough to call…..it’s a start….but actually showing up, and getting some face time in, may just be what the home care nurse ordered. I pray none of you ever need my services….but I’ll be there for you, and your family, if you ever do….Be Blessed

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

Commitment

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Do you promise….?” Pastor

I DO“….Ronnie

Commitment. It’s a BITCH.

I’m convinced, unless of course I’ve been off the field for far too long, that people don’t really FEAR commitment, as much as they’re too lazy to put in the work. I mean think about it. It’s easy to jump into bed and play house, or to sign up for the Pick Up A Piece of Trash day, but to actually get involved, requires actually doing the work. They’re big out here on volunteerism’s. Ugh…”You want me to bake stuff? No thanks, I’ll write you a check“, because gathering the ingredients, cracking eggs, setting the oven and the like, is too much for the likes of me, and I can be crafty about getting out of work. Relationships often fizzle out, because once the other party involved requires a level of intimacy you’re not willing to provide, the relationship is done….and it’s done, because it requires WORK. Commitment….these are things I pondered today, while on the Gyno table, awaiting the MD.

Meh, maybe it’s not laziness….maybe it’s the age-old adage, “The best laid plans of mice and men, often go awry“. Meaning, we have good intentions. We were going to bake those cupcakes, work out every morning, take a new class, read to our kids every night, but then LIFE got involved, and all we wanted to do, took a back seat, to all we NEEDED to do…and all the energies into what we wanted to do now turns to resentment as we project our anger onto those whom deserve it the least. Simply stated, we are over scheduled, but instead of adhering to the commitment we made as spouses, employees and even parents, we QUIT….and really there’s no lack of support for our lack of effort.

As I was pondering these thoughts today, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I haven’t given enough effort to acclimating myself to my new environment. “Why don’t you take a week to schedule what you really want? Then stick with it?” I asked myself, and gosh darn it, it sounded good. When I stood before man and God, I swore a solemn vow to stand BY my man, regardless of the situations in which I found myself….and really, I advise each of you everyday that only you are responsible for your happiness…why then, should my attitude be different? I think I just didn’t want to put forth the effort, and so now, I find myself at the apex of a very important decision; which I know, will work out….Our Church is closing this Sunday, for a day of Volunteerism. Fifty-two projects await the congregation, and we get to determine which project we want to participate in…..I told Merrill, “This is a big commitment to a new church. Ready?”….I sometimes think the vows should be rewritten to reflect, “We’ll see” instead of “I DO” because that’s what we are….a nation of “We’ll see’s“…..so for me, I am going to put forth the effort to enjoy all this beautiful state has to offer….for a week…and if it works out….well…LOL…We’ll See. Commitment….it’s not the fear, it’s the unwillingness to put for the effort to make it work, and that starts with conflicting priorities. Gotta go. It’s Wednesday evening services….our 1st time. Sweetness is excited about it. Me? Well…I’ll let ya know….right after I finishing baking these damned cupcakes. Be Blessed.

 

Nevermore

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Quote The Raven, “Nevermore”

 

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not at least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door–
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door–
Perched, and sat, and nothing more. The Raven….Edgar Allen Poe

What is the meaning of Stanza 7?” Question from his homework page.

Um, he opened the windows and the bird flew in?Sweetness

Yes, BUT it is SOOOOO much more than that!!!Ronnie, as she becomes animated and begins to flail her arms.

I’m kinda of Poe fan, so when the opportunity presented itself to mentor my son through his works, I became empowered and strangely….EXCITED. Granted, it is a difficult poem to read, but thanks to the magic of Google, we can go online and dig into some of the verbiage he doesn’t understand like Stanza 7, “What is the meaning of this passage“, but I helped him, and I helped him with all the passion of a Renaissance Man tutoring English…..Nevermore….Insanity does indeed create genius.

You know when birds accidentally come indoors, and start flapping, panicked, and desperate to find a way out?“….”Um yeah?“….”Well, this bird, the Raven, flew in, and took a perch on the highest point in the room. Like the Puritan judges with the white wigs, as they sat above the people they were to judge. So too did Poe pronounce judgement upon himself, in the persona of the Raven” I explained, and then I saw it….the light in his eyes….Poe, desperate in his grief, begged the raven to tell him what he needed to hear, but the raven offered no redemption, therefore, would Poe never again see his precious Lenore…..and for a split second, we connected and talked….we talked about the adventures of reading, the grasping of concepts that Poe and other authors like to hide in hyperbole, similes and metaphors AND we talked about how reading, like mathematics, takes practice. LOL, Poe is no Jack and Jill…that’s for sure.

I wasn’t good at much as a child, but I could read, and when I opened the cover of a novel, I was momentarily taken away from my existence as a child from the wrong side of Lebanon, to lands of riches and fame, where the unpopular always won, and the bad guys always died. Gone were the bullies, the humiliations, the teasing…and there…within the lines of beauty, I found my soul. I read about the red-headed Duchess, the illegitimate daughter of King Henry the VIII, and her temper and flair for dramatics….(Black Knight Blue Heaven), I read about little boy, running from the people who killed his parents, (Spoiler Alert) with the twist that he was simply riding a bike around the institution in which he had been placed (I Am The Cheese), I read about corrupted pigs, and the farm they had stolen from the farmer (Animal Farm) and I read about the Polish Immigrant, excited to start a new life in America, working at the sausage factory in Chicago (The Jungle)….I was enamored with the characters, excited and depressed at their victories and follies, constantly on the edge of my seat, worried about their plights. Reading, took me away from where I was, and placed me in a new land, with new friends. I was the apple of every Reading Teacher’s eye, impressing them with my complete understanding of the material….then at the age of 15, I began the Iliad. Sadly, I never finished it. My son struggles with reading, but I try to make it fun, exciting and new….and while he may never achieve the level of comprehension that I did at his age, reading The Raven with him, was a start…because he’s now asking to read other great works of Poe art with me. I promised him, that if he stuck with it his vernacular would improve and he’d impress the girls with lovely prose, that they’ll never understand…..LOL. Nevermore….Thank you Poe, for creating beautiful works of art that I can share with my son….he wants to write now a feat I told him I’ve been trying to undertake for 2yrs….but God love him, he may actually do it one day. Read with your child…you don’t have to be a world-class reader to take a few minutes to enjoy another place, in another time. Google will help you with ideals you don’t understand….develop a love of reading in your children early, and they may just may grow up to be an amazing writer like me, King, Poe, Sinclair, Hemingway and the like….and if all else, you can take them to the movies…..just not KING movies, because you’re wasting your money, and they all suck. Read with your child….you’ll never know how much that could mean to them. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE the example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today.With you Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.

 

 

 

 

Special Needs Challenge

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I’ll wear your granddad’s clothes, I look incredible, I’m in this big ass coat, from the thrift shop down the road“. Macklemore, Thrift Shop….The kids were singing it.

Hey can we go to Target?” Student

I was called in to student sub today. I had a whole day of activities planned, but thought, “What the hell?” and accepted the job. I had the pleasure and honor of subbing in the Special Needs class, which had a variety of students and disabilities. Some with severe disabilities, and some not so much. They assigned “Rosie” to me, a little 7th grade girl with Downs Syndrome, who kept me on my toes all day. “Don’t let her see you follow her” the teacher advised me, so keeping my distance was quite the chore, especially since she went Dory on me, and disappeared, many times. Special Needs Challenge….man I had no idea what I was in for….

I don’t doubt though, that I won’t be asked back. See, the teacher and I had a slight disagreement about the “needs” of some of the children. Being assimilated into the Gen Pop, some get to go to regular classes, and only come back to the classroom for special instruction. In all honestly, there is NO reason, some of them can’t do, what the “normal” kids do, and that includes “Rosie”. Part of me thinks Rosie was mad, because I wasn’t her normal assistant, but to be honest, Rosie was doing the best she could to show people that she could do what the others did, and I agreed. As the kids were warming up with the Gen Pop for gym, they were taken out of that class, by ME, to go to Special Ed PE. Mannnn, were those girls pissed. “Why can’t we run with them?” they asked, and my only response was, “Um, I was told to come get you” so instead of running the mile, they got to walk the three-quarters…..

The Teacher, is an amazing individual, who I KNOW would give his life for those kids, so to say anything negative about him, would be a great disservice to you. I thought the wide receiver approach would suit some of them (not all…some needed one-on-one), but he wanted more of a running back situation….and the kids, especially the girls, resented it. It’s hard enough being in 8th grade. Put the added knowledge that you’re different, with a helicopter aid, and you’re gonna get mad. Shoot, it’s like Duchess saying she can do it, but I do it for her anyway. The girls, Rosie included, just want to be treated like the other kids, and in certain situations, I didn’t see the harm, but the Teacher is the boss, and his intentions pure. When Rosie had enough, she shut down….Now any kid shutting down is hard enough, but I’m gonna need some resources to read, to learn how to deal with Downs Syndrome shut-downs. No, I won’t be invited back…but it’s okay. I learned so much from them, and let it be known that if you ever use the word, “Retarded” in front of me, I’ll punch you in the face. These kids struggle to be what society defines as normal….they try harder than most “normal” kids I know….so please, understand, that you hurt them dearly, when you use terms like that. Special Needs Challenge. I feel like I failed them, but next time, I’ll be ready, especially if I have a friend who can recommend a resource. If there is a next time. Here’s to Rosie and those like her, rock on angels. You’re attempts are impressive. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

The Cost Of Beauty

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“I’m not trying to fake it
And I ain’t the one to blame.
There’s no one home
In my house of pain.
I didn’t write these pages
And my script’s been rearranged.
No, there’s no one home
In my house of pain” Faster Pussycat, House of Pain

 

The Cost of Beauty…. Are you willing to pay the price? 

When we see the effects of abuse on children and pets, we’re horrified and ask, “How could anyone ever do that?”, but the truth is, if you suffer with an Eating Disorder, you ARE an abuser. The time to break the cycle of abuse, is today!

Abuse is defined as, “To treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly” It’s like racism, but not the racial epitaph yelled at a minority from a corner. Instead, it’s the covert act of DENYING privilege. After all, if racism was as simple as yelling racial epitaphs, it would be obvious, but it’s subtle….so subtle that unless you’ve experienced it, you’ll never, EVER know it’s happening. The Cost of Beauty….without treatment, 20% of females between the ages of 15-24 WILL die….it could even be your own child.

It’s too much, too little, and certainly too late. The new plus sized model wave sweeping this country, is an example of a demographic that doesn’t get it, or they DO get it, and are being disingenuous about dressing it.  I dare say, if another disease process was discovered to be killing off our Little Sisters at a rate of 20, per every 100, we wouldn’t be parading/promoting alternative ideals, yet, that’s exactly what we’re doing, when we attempt to glorify plus sized models. The hypocrisy is that even the bigger women, have some kind of touch up that doesn’t show their flaws, AND, I’ll guarantee you that a Little Sister is looking at that model right now and thinking to disgustedly to herself, “Why is that pig on the cover of a magazine?

My body would cower like a child every time I stood on the scale, looked in the mirror, or tried on a pair of jeans one size too small. When it was forced to do what I wanted, I would take it out for a treat, and promise to never hurt it again, but the honeymoon with my little girl would never last long, and the next time I stood on the scale, I would become angry all over again, and deny it, work it harder, whip it, insult it, and degrade it. It was a never-ending cycle of abuse, and shame….trying to control it with what I put into my body, so I could control the output of beauty. To this day, I have to retain my composure when I look at myself….it’s a life long battle. Somewhere, deep in the places I still can’t admit to, I have wrath because sometimes what sits at the core of our issue is control. I didn’t have control over situations, but I have control over what I put into my mouth. Couple that with the illusion that The Beautiful People never seem to face rejection, and you have a situation ripe for mistreatment…..If I gain weight, I panic, if I lose weight I rejoice, but I have to make the deliberate effort….to be content with myself…..Our Little Sisters, are not like ME…they don’t have the experience to see the devil in their fine details, and so they fight a battle they cannot win, and they will die if not helped immediately..God forbid it’s your own daughter! The problem is what we perceive as perfection, and control over our own perfection….So what do we do? We parade out a new set of expectations they can’t possibly reach. The Cost of Beauty is death. It is a mental disorder…..and telling someone suffering with an Eating Disorder that they look fine, amounts to telling an abused child, they’re going to be alright without doing anything to help them.

I’ve intervened on behalf of a child in trouble, and yet, I can’t say I’ve intervened on behalf of a body in trouble. I’ve been a part of covert operations that saved pets from horrible situations, but I haven’t taken the time to save a mistreated body. We watched Karen Carpenter kill herself on National TV, yet we create intervention programs for people who have too much crap in their garage. Eating Disorders are mental diseases….they cannot be treated by offering new ideals. The Cost of Beauty is high, because the price keeps changing. You ARE beautiful…..You ARE worthy…..Do not let the devil take his due. If you suffer with an Eating Disorder, you are an abuser…I understand because I was also an abuser….and I have to fight the urge to anger every time I look in the mirror….Do NOT believe the Illusion…Please, if you see an abused body, help….We are losing too many of our Little Sisters….to BEAUTY. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

God Has A Plan

Donner's Pass, California. Beautiful...and heartbreaking.
Donner’s Pass, California. Beautiful…and heartbreaking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m trying. I really, really am Doll. I’m sorry”. Ronnie to her beloved.

Just a closer walk with thee. Grant it Jesus is my plea.….”

God Has A Plan

The kids are playing in our back yard right now; which is cute, but a little difficult. We left 2 acres, for a plot less than half the size, but they seem to be doing well with the change. Kids are resilient….Wish I could be like that. All the talk of Folsom prison lately, inspired Merrill and I to take a drive to the lovely city, to check things out. Folsom really is beautiful with big beautiful mansions, a quaint historical district with rolling hills, a beautiful brook, and of course, the prison made famous by Johnny Cash. It doesn’t have theat prison town feeling that many in Illinois experience. I mean, it has a lower crime index, and honestly, the schools have a 95% graduation rate. It was a nice Saturday afternoon drive and while fun, it meant nothing to me. It’s been hard for me out here, but what can I do, but just move forward…and pray that God has a plan.….whose life am I meant to influence out here?

This morning, while doing dishes, I had an anxiety attack. It’s been a while, it was NOT a welcomed, nor a peaceful feeling. I don’t understand why it occurred, but I understood that if I don’t get a handle on my emotions, it’s not going to end well for me, nor my family. Am I leaving Merrill? No…I mean probably not….but he and I did speak last night. I was so hard for me to see the pain in his eyes as he tried to digest the words I had just said him. “How are you doing here. Settling in?”….. I just spouted the first thing that came to my mind, but why would I….should I….lie? “I hate it here. Absolutely hate it“….and with that, the talk was on, ” I’m trying…I’m trying to so hard to do this for you and the kids“. We both knew this move wouldn’t be easy, but I had no idea it would be as hard, as it’s turned out to be. Everything about my life has changed….everything. From my support system, to my Activities of Daily Living, I’m trying to find some solid ground in which to rebuild….many would say we did this as Brats in the military. Yes well, I hated it then too….I’m much older now…..I’m too old for this mess.

So, I haven’t written in a few days, because I haven’t been able to find my center. Mostly because I’m trying to be the center for my family. There was a young girl in a BMW this morning, that cut off my right of way, while she waited her turn in the Starbucks drive-thru lane. From the front windshield, I made the “WTH?” sign, then quickly realized that here….there will be no one to phone video my fight and put it on YouTube. I’m only partially kidding, I did get out and beat her ass….felt good, but my point is I am in this beautiful California city….and I don’t feel right. I’m so blessed…..God, I’m so freaking BLESSED….why is that not enough for me? I’m a strong person, so this morning, I made the decision to do all within my power to make this work. I mean, I miss home, but I also know that part of the reason we jumped at this new opportunity was to get my kids out of Danville….no disrespect, but that place is really turning bad, and I needed to provide them with a better place to experience life. No, I’m stronger than this….but the anxiety attacks need to go, they’re simply a manifestation of the stress I’ve been putting on myself. I made the very best friends in Germany and Danville, and I’ll make them out here too….After all, Ronnie hasn’t conquered this land yet….and the way I’ve been feeling lately, I’m not sure I want too anymore….and when I start to feel like that, I KNOW I need to move myself past this, because God Has A Plan….Seriously though, it would be great if He could give me a small hint…a push…or a drink. All three would be GREAT right now because I don’t like the anxiety….I really don’t. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday.

California Love

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The following is a true conversation.

Where you from?”

I’m from….”

Doesn’t matter, because in a few years, you’ll never want to leave. Here in California, we’re so open-minded and on a higher plane Spiritually, Mentally, and Socially than the Midwest and South. You’ll see, a few years here, and you won’t want to ever to leave. So where you from?”.

The backward Midwest. And you, Darling, I just made famous

 

California Love

 

So before leaving the backwater Midwest, I had a friend tease me…that I would come back to Danville a Californian. NO….not me, but after listening to the Nurse talk about the way, we backwater folk, are perceived on the left coast, it did get me to thinking what was so backwater about us….I mean, we talk good, just like California, we’re rude in traffic, just like California, we read, right, and know our rithmatic as much as anyone out here in the cross hairs of North Korea…..California Love…..Just what makes the Midwest and South so backwater? Well, I’m fixin’ to tell ya.

  1. We’re not stupid. One of the greatest mistakes you will EVER make about the Midwest and South, is to confuse our patience for your ridiculousness, with stupidity. We’re just trying to figure out if you need a doctor, or some heart blessin’.
  2. Our patience stops on the highway. All three regions have that in common, the difference is, we’ll follow you off the ramp you cut us off in traffic to make, and corner you in the Arco gas station you stopped at because you wanted to see how far south you could push your SUV needle…THEN show you what a good ole fashioned Monsters of the Midway Ass Whoopin feels like….No seriously, we’re THAT crazy.
  3. We don’t have fun the same way you do, fair enough, but honestly, I’ve been stoned. It’s fun, but I’d prefer a tail-gate party (in the ATL you get a night club to go with it-it’s awesome), outside a Bears/Saints game, with Beer, Brats, the pigskin and my friends. Then, go inside the majestic stadium, and watch two groups of men (insert NFL joke here) beat the hell out of each other, turn to the Bears fan behind me, and say, “OHHHHHHH did you see THAT? Your boy got schooled SON!“….followed up by sharing another beer and brat with the sore loser Bears fan….
  4. We not less enlightened, we’re honest. We’re okay with telling you your outfit makes you look fat, you stink, your children are monsters (we’ll even spank them for you), your husband is sticking it to someone else, your cat is gay, your mom is gay, your brother is gay, and to take your hat off in church. Cause here’s the thing Princess, we don’t mess around. We can’t. There’s a game on in 15 min.
  5. We are a simple people. We love our military, soldiers, God and fellow-man. Do not believe the press, we’re not out here stabbing each other in the throat, but step to our spouses or families, and you’ll find out that the dude from Saw ain’t got nothing on us.
  6. We do play favorites. You do right by us, and you’ll be our favorite.
  7. We are a family. Black, white, black/white, Indian…..we empower and embrace our communities. Sure, not everyone believes in God, but I’ll guarantee you that we’ll pray for anyone who asks. If that makes us less “enlightened” then…well….I’d rather be stupid, then not give what I have to help another human out. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give a brother is prayer.
  8. Purdue, Notre Dame, University of Illinois, Penn State….(insert your college here).
  9. Your deer will put a dent in our car. Our deer will KILL you. We eat better, because life is for the living. Tomorrow is not a promise, and we’ll wash down our better tasting food with a cold brew. Our barbecue’s will knock the smirk off your face. Keep your grass to feed your deer.
  10. We don’t put down other regions to make our region look good, bless your heart, unless of course we’re talking about the World Champ Cubs, Cardinals, Da Bears, Falcons…Wait! Who do you have again? WE don’t start the fights, but we’ll damned well finish them, and when we’re done kicking your “enlightened” ass across the Continental Divide, we’ll bandage you up, and offer you dinner, because out here….Sweetheart, we WORK hard, play harder, and are a forgiving folk….AND three years out here, isn’t going to change this Ozarkian bred girl. It can’t….I bleed Midwest.

California Love. It’s a paradox really, but in the end, we’re not stupid, we’re centered, and I promise you, if you ever need us, we’ll be there for you…..but only after we make you say, “Sorry”….cause we may be gracious, but hey….we have our faults too.

What makes the Midwest and South so great? I’ll let you chime in….and Rep your State. Be Blessed.

Parents Just Don’t Understand

I do love him very much.
I do love him very much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Damn SON, you screwed up.”…..Ronnie

So to you, all the kids all across the land
There’s no need to argue
Parents just don’t understandDJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince

 

I miss ATA. I actually miss arguing with my 5th Degree Black Belt Mentor about whom I can, and can not punch in the face. Meh, I didn’t really listen to him anyway, but God Bless him, as long as he kept trying, I’d keep respecting him. A man double parked next to me as I was walking toward my SUV with my son after picking him up from school. There are rules…ya know…single file in to pick up, single file out to drop off. This little BMW just parked…like it was his space….waiting the polite 2 minutes, and even that killed me, I rolled my window down and shouted, “MOVE!”…..he did. There are times when patience should be applied to resolve a situation, but God help me, I don’t know when….my way works well for me. My way….is the only way. Parent’s Just Don’t Understand.….My way, is direct and to the point…..I just don’t get… why kids don’t get…. that we wrote the book they’re reading.

Back in my day, grades weren’t posted in real-time, but today’s kids, have a “Parent Portal” meaning once he takes the test, and once the teacher grades it, the results are posted on-line immediately. Parents then log-on, see the grades then beat their kids ass. Why the hell he’s failing I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that I have yet to see one piece of graded homework, or red-pen graded test. This boy, likes to do his homework at school during free time, then come home to play electronics. I’ve done his homework with him, sacrificed a great deal of cleaning time to help him….his teacher keeps sending home weekly progress reports telling us what a wonderful person he is…..so we were a little caught off guard, by last night’s mid-term reports. So now, I gotta be the bad guy…..

The boy gets that same look on his face that his father gets when he’s caught scratching himself in public….eyes wide open, eyebrows raised, mouth open, “What?” look that I hate. This boy is not passing a single class….not a single class….and now, I have to severely punish….ahem….remedy….the situation. I know he’s working to settle in, I know eleven is a hard age to move a child, I know the schools are a little harder out here, I know all these things, but….but…..but…..NOTHING! He thinks I’m stupid, but what he doesn’t realize is that I’m a child of the 80’s and I understand all the tricks in the book, so today, I’m going to be talking to his teacher about what he needs to start passing…..my guess….is it has something to do with homework he doesn’t bring home…..I need a tutor…..I need a housekeeper…..and I need a drink….in that order! Parents Just Don’t Understand, and if I had a freaking dollar for every time I heard that, I have enough for the aforementioned staff. I can’t believe I’m at the stage now where he thinks it’s appropriate to say that to me….I’m still hip and groovy…..brat. We get Progress Reports every Friday….they’ve never said, he was failing. Time for some Midwest Mommy Mahem…..My 5th Degree would say something about an open door here, to wit I’d respond, “I’m sorry what?” . This giant has been awakened…..I’ll let you know. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

Frustrated

depressed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If misery loves company, some of you are miserable people“. Ronnie

 

They went rushin’ down that freeway,
messed around and got lost
They didn’t care they were just dyin’ to get off
And it was life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane” Life in the Fast Lane…Eagles

 

I’ve been struggling to find the words for the state of affairs I find myself in and the more I try to identify what’s bothering me, the more Frustrated I become. It’s like it doesn’t matter what I’ve done in my life, or all the people I’ve tried to help, all people will see is my gender or the color of my skin, and while there are those who would welcome me to the club, two wrongs don’t make a right. We are not supposed to be getting even with each other, but trying to make the world a better place for those who come behind us. This place is a mess, and in the game of Even Steven, no one wins, and everyone loses. I’ve been in this situation before….I’m Frustrated…..mostly it’s the result of FEELING helpless.

I wish Trump would shut the hell up. Damn that man is arrogant, but he’s in good company y’all. As an American citizen, he does indeed have the right to share and express his opinion, however, what we have the right to do, and what we should do, are two different things. Understand that I felt the same way about Obama when he opined on the Trayvon Martin case. Leaders should inspire, affirm, motivate and if all else fails, shut it. Once the words come out of our mouths, we cannot control how our followers will react, but a good leader also takes responsibility for their actions. If a company goes down, the CEO, not the cashier, takes the fall. What we have today is a bunch of fame seeking, star f*cks, who live for nothing more, but to hear the words come out of their mouth. We’re all leaders in our own right…..we all have a responsibility to measure our rhetoric wisely…..People will rise and fall upon we, as leaders, say and do. Don’t believe me, take a quick Google tutorial on the Jonestown massacre, David Koresh….HITLER.

If you’re an Empath, you’ve been absolutely miserable lately. The country, your family, your friends, are all ripping each other’s throats out, and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it. An Empath absorbs the energy around them, both positive and negative, then they stew…and implode. We know the answer…BE KIND, but ain’t no one trying to hear that see, because they’re all too busy talking. Change only comes through the unification that something is indeed wrong, but I’ve read the posts, pontificating that to many, the status quo is just fine. SOMETHING IS WRONG….yet, I’ve seen some creative excuses for bad behavior that would make your grandmother smack the sh*t out of you, and yet, no one, is willing to stand down, for kindness sake. I don’t get the NFL players wanting to bring inequality to light, then dumping it….like they can’t be bothered. What do you want us to do? Change? How? That’s the helplessness in this….good people are being called horrible names, because they’re too busy being on the defensive to address the ills in society. In Chess, you will never win, if all you ever do is run from the Queen….so we hear your arguments…..just tell us what you want us to do…..and no, I’m not giving you my house, but if I did…would that make this all better?

I’m frustrated and there’s nothing I can do about it…..The problem with the NFL taking a knee is that it doesn’t offer solutions. Tell me a family’s power is going to be cut off, then tell me where to send the check. Tell me a family of 4 can’t have Christmas, and I’ll go shopping. Give me the address of a Congressman who voted to evict immigrants from their home, and I’ll call him, but take a knee, and leave it at that, does nothing for your cause. Like standing at the side of the road with a sign that say’s, “You’re going to hell”, but not telling you why…..I’ll start by Tweeting Trump to STFU, but then I’ll Tweet that to Obama, Clinton, Reid, and Pelosi too, because any leader whose only intention is to divide, is not a good leader. They’re FAKE NEWS! You wanna kneel in protest, then bring something with you…..I’m Frustrated……As long as there are little sisters being mutilated for sexual purity, I am going to work to find solutions. As long as children are committing suicide because of bullies, I’ll speak out for them. As long as women are being told their fat, when they’re not….I am going to work to help them see their beauty……I will work for solutions, and then I’ll take a knee with you….but don’t give me the Free Speech speech….mine is just as free as yours…..Dig? After all, if all you’re going to do is talk, then eventually, no one is going to listen. Frustrated….I know you feel it too….now take the load off…..and work toward unity. If you don’t, there will be no one left to take a knee for you….when your time comes. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete….be the leader you always wanted for YOURSELF.

 

 

Born In The USA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since we were segregated when the Anthem was written, it doesn’t stand for us, and it never will.” Poster, speaking for all minorities…..I wasn’t aware there was an election. I also wasn’t aware we could chose our symbolic representatives. I have a RIGHT….here.

Born down in a dead man’s town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
End up like a dog that’s been beat too much
Till you spend half your life just covering up
Born in the U.S.A., I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A., born in the U.S.A.
History, unlike the Constitution, can’t be so easily rewritten, although many are indeed trying. I think we’re finally on downslide slope, but that’s not a good thing. There’s clowns to the left of me, jokers on the right, and here I am stuck with Lady Liberty. Does she apply? WE ALL are going to pay for this….some are too easy to incite…not realizing that not every Tweet must be addressed, not every slight must be vindicated……It used to be the one thing that united us was the understanding that even though we fuss, and fight, we all came together at the Thanksgiving table of Liberty, to fellowship…..but uh…..NO. Ya know, I’m going to be very interested to see who the Anti-Christ is, and if it’s Rocket Man, I’m going to lose my sh*t. Born in the USA…..If you’re American the Anthem, and the Flag, DOES cover you my friend, you don’t get to claim the promises of its protection, while banging her mom behind her back.
I’ve read every commentator on the issue, and the more one side digs in its heels, the more the other side balks. Boycott…don’t boycott….really, it’s all ineffective, unless the love of the game, comes second to the comfort of your principles. Meaning, unless you’re really willing to hurt the #NFL where it hurts, in the pocketbook, nothing changes….and be honest, how many of y’all are giving up your beer? It would have been more effective for everyone to just go silent……something every man will tell you is dangerous. I accept that taking a knee, is better than flipping it off or burning it, but just because someone is offended doesn’t make them racist. Damn some of y’all are so freaking froggy to pull the racism trigger that you’re killing your own….I mean, are you THAT dumb? Telling a women to go get her sheet there’s a rally somewhere, just because her dad died in Vietnam, is about as low as you can get you bastard…..and yet….the Anthem, and flag, protects your dumb ass as well….even if you do spit in it’s face.
The National Anthem, and the Flag doesn’t apply to you? The very speech you used to protest the President, his Cabinet and the Flag, was given to you by the Constitution, and since the Constitution was written while “we” were all still segregated, I’m going to suppose it doesn’t cover you either. I’m going to guess that when we start cherry picking that which does and does not represent us, we also get to cherry pick which laws we will and will not follow, then if we do that, employers get to choose whom they will and will not discriminate against, and if that happens, the State….as the Constitution no longer applies to you….will get to choose to whom it will and will not offer protections. See, you don’t get to determine that just because something happened long before you were born it doesn’t apply to you almost 140 years later……The beauty in the Flag…the Anthem some mock, is that tomorrow, and the next day, and next week, and next month, and next year…..She’ll be there….protecting you and your freedoms. Yes, we have work to do….but the errors that go on in this country, are not errors of the Anthem, but errors of human creation….but even then….the Constitution, by way of the Flag protects your rights to seek redress…..so let the #NFL kneel, let the fans boycott, let the players mock their fans (OMG dumbest thing EVER), and let the President rail (which really, shut up), we can all do that….because the flag….the Anthem, written before we were born and enforced with the flowing blood of those who fought and died….allows it. The…..Flag…..does….represent….YOU! If it doesn’t, then neither does the Constitution, and if you lose that…..you’ve lost it all. Born in the USA…..we get to be douchbags, because England got its ass kicked. So you douchbag on, and we’ll harumph about it, but in the end….we’re still brother and sister. Better check yourself, before the Anti-Christ wrecks yourself…..and no, I’m not debating religion with you right now…..HATERS. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you set The Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.

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