“Wow! That brings back some memories“…Ronnie upon seeing a Benetton Ad this am.
Much to my chagrin, I awaken early this morning, because one of the dogs (who shall remain nameless) had to go potty. As I opened the backdoor, I heard the birds arising to greet their day, while feeling the warm breeze of Spring upon my face. It was nice. I stood for a moment, and was led to memory montage that saw me standing as a scared little girl, in the back of my housing unit in Perm, waiting on my dog to pee. I was eighteen and humiliated. It’s Springtime in Germany….the musings of a woman whom at forty-six, finally figured out the meaning of life.
It was a Saturday morning, much like today, and sun was just starting to rise in the great city of Pirmasens. The air was warm, the breeze light and I think I may have been the only person up at that hour. Well it seemed like it anyway. Misty was taking her time smelling the scents of the other dogs in Bunker Hill, and while I would have normally been impatient for her to go, I felt at Peace, alone with my thoughts. Thinking back to the night before, when I had seen him at the Round Up, I was still feeling the sting of humiliation, with tears rolling down my cheek, as I remembered him telling me I’d have a very hard time proving the baby I carried, was his. He said it to everyone within ear shot…He was with his new girlfriend…she was arrogant…believing the lie he told anyone who’d listen, that I was just a Dependent trying to frame him…LOL, I giggled at the parting shot I gave her when I said, “Wear a condom. He’s a low life, and I should know”…what was she gonna do argue with me? I should have punched her in the fact…Sigh.
Later, as I was waddling down the Fussganger zone with my best friend, Sanchez, I marveled at all the styles of the German Spring Line. Benetton was in full swing, with the accessory of the day being the adorable Swatch watches everybody wore on their wrists. I couldn’t really enjoy it for long, because the roasted chicken being pumped out onto the streets, along with the smell of fresh brochen, was making me seek a trash can to vomit in. The pink Converse high-tops I was wearing with my cute one-piece, was starting to cut off the circulation in my swollen cankles….but I still have them…wore them yesterday. Sanchez was a good friend. I think if we saw him out that day, she’d drop everything and hurt him, but I just wanted to be left alone…So, several decades later, I’m standing outside feeling the same breeze in the same morning sun, and I realize that the lessons of my youth, are the stories of today. The misery, the pain, the best friends all come together for the person “some” of you know and love today. It’s Springtime in Germany, I no longer feel regret, I feel blessed, and that is the meaning of life. Somewhere, there sits another pregnant teen, struggling with the misery of an asshole too stupid to do the right thing. The pain you feel today, will be the strength you use tomorrow. You are not alone. The true meaning of life, is there isn’t just ONE meaning. Life is your journey, it’s your pain, it’s your victories. This Too Shall Pass, and I should know…Excuse me, I hear a bird chirping, and I simply must go out, and create another memory. Be Blessed.
Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday.