Duchess The Menace
Duchess The Menace

Ahhh, the #momlife. In this house, if it isn’t animated, we don’t see it. If it doesn’t have marshmallows we don’t eat it. If it doesn’t have a buffet we don’t go there. Ya know, just once, I’d love to go watch Deadpool, but what I’d love even more, is the ability to do some things, that many of you take for granted. Sigh, I loved the very spirited, strong-willed Duchess, but it would be nice, if just once, we could do the following:

  1. Eat, when we sit down to dinner.
  2. Have our morning constitution without hearing, “Moooooommmmm!” coming from outside the door.
  3. Hug each other without The Chaperon.
  4. Actually go to sleep when we go to bed. I shall expound.
  5. To not say, “Lay down. Lay down. Quit jumping on the bed. Lay down, No you may not have another a drink of water. No there are no monsters under your bed. Why yes, I did hear you fart, yes that was a good one, what do you say? AND….Lay down”. Every night at 8:30pm.
  6. One word, “Shower”.
  7. To not have to say, “We don’t say THAT. Do you want your mouth washed out with soap? Sigh, NO I am not going to wash your mouth out with soap. What is wrong with you? “.
  8. ¬†ONE TIME, leave a restaurant without carrying a screaming, kicking, toddler like a sack of potato’s under our arm.
  9. To not have to apologize, profusely, to the obese woman, standing next to us in the Walmart checkout line, after hearing, “Daddy, she has a big belly. Doesn’t she have a big belly daddy? Daddy she has a BIG belly. Wow Daddy, that’s a BIG belly”. Yes, the Big Belly woman did hear all that.
  10. To actually watch something other than: Dora, Bubble Guppies, Dora, Blue’s Clues, Dora, that cartoon with, “Mighty Math Power”, Dora, Cinderella and Dora. At least The Wiggles aren’t on anymore….
  11. Bonus: To not hear, just one time, “Mommy, Daddy, I have a BIG Poop in my pants”.

Actually, life without The Toddler Duchess would be relaxing, but boring. The Boy (with whom we are well pleased) turned out well. In retrospect, he really wasn’t such a bad kid. Sigh. Gotta go. I forgot to add, “The ability to eat a Hostess Cupcake without having to shove the whole thing in your mouth so you won’t have to share it” to the list. Yes, I have a whole Hostess Cupcake in my mouth right now. Don’t Judge Me. Force of habit. Be Blessed.


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