“Your wife IS sick“. Ronnie to her husband when he wanted to take the day off and use his wife being sick as an excuse. Note: He has too much integrity to lie….damnit.
I really, really wish I knew what was wrong with me. I don’t like “The Ugly” that has developed inside of me. It isn’t that I need Jesus, I have Jesus, and anyone that advises me to seek Him first and the Kingdom of God is going to get booted from my page. What I have is a “mold”, a nasty dark fungus upon my soul, and it frustrates me that the “Fixer of all things” can’t figure out where or how to fix myself. I’m 46…too old, and too young to be this miserable. It’s funny, not ha ha funny, but irony funny that in my life the root of all evil isn’t money. I don’t give two sh*ts about money…the root of my evil is ME..and my stubborn pride…because of that, I’ve allowed him (Satan-keep up) to ALMOST suck the very joy out of my life. I’m not mentally ill, perhaps just overwhelmed…maybe mentally ill, but if I am, so what? I’m letting you or anyone else judge me. …..Something to Believe In…because I KNOW if it’s happening to me, it’s happening to millions worldwide, and I STAND for them.
So I read this morning that Kendall Jenner is starting to go through her own bout of anxiety. I’m sorry for her. She’s rich, famous, beautiful and doing all the things I wanted to do when I was younger, but she doesn’t deserve this. No one does. Our bodies were not made for the constant state of Flight or Flight that Kendall and I have been living in. We are made to be at rest, then when we need to run from a bear, we run. If our bodies are always geared up to run, then we die young, and horribly…like a Hollywood B movie, if we don’t recognize the bad guy, the bad guy…will kill us. I can blame nursing school, but it isn’t just that….alone. The trick for Kendall and myself is to find that grain of sand, like the oyster and the pearl, that’s irritating us, then address it. LOL, once I identify the Joy Bandit, I’ll cover it with my Jesus….and were it THAT easy friends, millions of Christians worldwide would RULE this Muthur….but as it stands….we fight an enemy we cannot see, a voice we do not recognize…a Spirit we cannot identify…..
My son, with whom I am well pleased, earned his 3rd Degree Blackbelt Friday night, while I was at National’s with Duchess. I remember his 1st day at Taekwondo, and cluster that would later become fodder for our memories. All these years later, and he’s earned his right to take a break, and play some Basketball. This mommy, making good on her promise, is going to let him play some ball, and learn another trade besides beating people up…and although I do expect him to keep his skill level up, he can now find his rest. I’m proud of him….I BELIEVE in him….and when the internal choke hold comes, I try to find my center and focus on what it IS that keeps me going, for even though the evil has me fooled, we know that darkness cannot defeat the light.
I believe in The Light of my Children. I believe in the perfection of His creation, the future they both share as the children of Veronica Philips. I believe in my Princess, the Beautiful One, for even though her path is different, she’s still mine, and she will overcome. I believe in the good of people, strangers whom everyday, do one thing…that no one, save Him, understands. Our lives may be different but we still want the same thing, and as long as we reach out, and heal the soul of a stranger, The Light will not depart…just yet. I believe in the Advocates, the ones whom sit beside the “furry one” as he or she passes from this world…the one whom through thick or thin offer a voice for those whom a voice was not given. I believe in the Encourgers, The cheerleaders of this plane, the ones whom stand against your personal angst and speak words of comfort and peace into your soul. I believe in the Writers, for you have no idea how hard it is to create new each day (LOL)….I believe in the children of the world, the ones for whom evil does not yet exist. For they truly don’t understand what they cannot do, until told they cannot do it. I believe in laughter. The true medicine against a troubled soul. I believe in the ones whom bring the laughter, for they shall be called the Sons of God. I believe in the downtrodden, the ones whom day after day, get up and walk. They may not know their path, but they trust in the Light….truly, no one would blame them if they quit, but quitting is too easy…They are the true hero’s…modeling a Spirit of perseverance. When I think about the mold, as it tries to overtake all that I worked so hard to accomplish, I give myself Something to Believe In, and then, I begin to feel the Light….
Kendall and I (LOL) will figure this out. We’ll get through it, together or apart, but nothing happens alone. I KNOW there are millions out there, just like me, for whom Satan finally found a weak spot, and I pray for them. I pray for strength, courage, guidance, and Light….do not let him steal your Joy. You can cry and bleed your soul, you can scream and clean your slate, you can fight, argue, stand and hold your ground, but you cannot run, you cannot hide, and you cannot quit….Something To Believe In….whatever this is….we’ll get through it…until then…Watch for the Light Bearers…..they’re everywhere…even sitting right next to me in class…..Thank you Jesus….Be Blessed.
Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.