“LOL, never pray for patience. You can pray for Peace, pray for healing, pray for each other, but NEVER….EVER…pray for Patience“. Ronnie responding to a comment on a hysterectomy support group last night.
So, two things…no…..three things…..no….FOUR things…. in my life have brought Spirit to it’s knees. One I can’t talk about it, Duchess’s seizures, Merrill’s Sudden Cardiac Death incident….and this….the hysterectomy I let a stupid doctor talk me into….but someone on their ass, it doesn’t mean their down. It just means they need help getting up. Support groups are really nothing more than a bunch of people, with like issues, gathering to talk about their feelings….or so I thought….but in an act of desperation, I did join one on FB last night and posted a lengthy diatribe about me, my body’s shut down, and I asked if I’ll ever see or know my life again. One poster advised me to pray for patience…..oh no….never do that. Patience Is A Virtue….SNICKER….Yes, one that I do not possess.
Okay, so part of this can be fueled by the fact that I was not adequately prepared for the onslaught of CRAP my body would go through, for this. I understand some things now…things I didn’t understand before, and I think, as long as I “get it” I can deal with it….See, I’ve been going through some debilitating fatigue. Not just the “I’m a little tired” fatigue but the, “Holy sh*t I can’t get up off the couch to scratch my ass” fatigue, and my personality will not allow for any kind of body revolt. I mean, does it know who I am? Merrill is trying to pack up this house, the house that holds twenty-two years of memories, and I can do nothing for him. I mean, I did try. I went into the kitchen to pack up some canning jars to give to my SIL, but about 10 jars in…I had to sit down, and then my allergies started acting up, then I got emotional, then my kids saw that, then I went and took a 2hr nap. WTH? Who does that? Well, a post-hysterectomy body that trying to get back at it’s host does that…..that’s who.
My husband is a patient man. He always has been. I’ve been with him for 24yrs and I’ve only seen him lose it, maybe a total of 4 times, and I’m pretty sure his son, and I have something to do with that…..well I KNOW I do. Patience, to me, isn’t so much a state of mind, but a special endowment upon those that need it for a mission. For example, I have patience with clients, and assorted other situations. It’s not something I can turn off and on, it’s a dispensation…a withdrawl (if you will), from the annuity of God….and while that’s cheesy, it does beg the point that in order to pray for, and receive Patience, one must go through some nefarious sh*t…to earn it. I’m not the one. I don’t want to be patient, I don’t want to be slow suffering, I don’t want to wait upon the Lord, because my personality…suits His needs….Now, can there be some tapering of the Spirit? Sure, but to have my Spirit become slow to anger, is like asking my husband to practice celibacy…which he is, but not for lack of trying…I mean, I did just have my uterus ripped out of my body….but that’s not the point. Patience Is A Viture…..but so is Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control….I possess at least two on the list. So I’ll give time to my body to heal. I’ll listen to those whom care a great deal for me, I’ll accept all the help I can get, but what I will not do is pray for patience….it’s a trap…and frankly, don’t I have enough going on? Gotta go. Going to try church today. Last night I prayed God give me strength to attend His people…..I meant it…I may just need another two-hour nap. Week 4 PO coming up….two more weeks to humanness…..Now that….I’ll pray too…..Be Blessed.
Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.