Tag: Advice

Patience Is A Virtue

When I Was Happy
When I Was Happy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOL, never pray for patience. You can pray for Peace, pray for healing, pray for each other, but NEVER….EVER…pray for Patience“. Ronnie responding to a comment on a hysterectomy support group last night.

 

So, two things…no…..three things…..no….FOUR things…. in my life have brought Spirit to it’s knees. One I can’t talk about it, Duchess’s seizures, Merrill’s Sudden Cardiac Death incident….and this….the hysterectomy I let a stupid doctor talk me into….but  someone on their ass, it doesn’t mean their down. It just means they need help getting up. Support groups are really nothing more than a bunch of people, with like issues, gathering to talk about their feelings….or so I thought….but in an act of desperation, I did join one on FB last night and posted a lengthy diatribe about me, my body’s shut down, and I asked if I’ll ever see or know my life again. One poster advised me to pray for patience…..oh no….never do that. Patience Is A Virtue….SNICKER….Yes, one that I do not possess.

Okay, so part of this can be fueled by the fact that I was not adequately prepared for the onslaught of CRAP my body would go through, for this. I understand some things now…things I didn’t understand before, and I think, as long as I “get it” I can deal with it….See, I’ve been going through some debilitating fatigue. Not just the “I’m a little tired” fatigue but the, “Holy sh*t I can’t get up off the couch to scratch my ass” fatigue, and my personality will not allow for any kind of body revolt. I mean, does it know who I am? Merrill is trying to pack up this house, the house that holds twenty-two years of memories, and I can do nothing for him. I mean, I did try. I went into the kitchen to pack up some canning jars to give to my SIL, but about 10 jars in…I had to sit down, and then my allergies started acting up, then I got emotional, then my kids saw that, then I went and took a 2hr nap. WTH? Who does that? Well, a post-hysterectomy body that trying to get back at it’s host does that…..that’s who.

My husband is a patient man. He always has been. I’ve been with him for 24yrs and I’ve only seen him lose it, maybe a total of 4 times, and I’m pretty sure his son, and I have something to do with that…..well I KNOW I do. Patience, to me, isn’t so much a state of mind, but a special endowment upon those that need it for a mission. For example, I have patience with clients, and assorted other situations. It’s not something I can turn off and on, it’s a dispensation…a withdrawl (if you will), from the annuity of God….and while that’s cheesy, it does beg the point that in order to pray for, and receive Patience, one must go through some nefarious sh*t…to earn it. I’m not the one. I don’t want to be patient, I don’t want to be slow suffering, I don’t want to wait upon the Lord, because my personality…suits His needs….Now, can there be some tapering of the Spirit? Sure, but to have my Spirit become slow to anger, is like asking my husband to practice celibacy…which he is, but not for lack of trying…I mean, I did just have my uterus ripped out of my body….but that’s not the point. Patience Is A Viture…..but so is Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control….I possess at least two on the list. So I’ll give time to my body to heal. I’ll listen to those whom care a great deal for me, I’ll accept all the help I can get, but what I will not do is pray for patience….it’s a trap…and frankly, don’t I have enough going on? Gotta go. Going to try church today. Last night I prayed God give me strength to attend His people…..I meant it…I may just need another two-hour nap. Week 4 PO coming up….two more weeks to humanness…..Now that….I’ll pray too…..Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

 

 

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I Gotta Shower Soon

Still Great at 46
I wanted a shower

“You’re pissed off because of a shower?” Merrill

Yes I am. It’s the little things that bring out the bigger feelings…..You Hip? It’s not braggart, but pride that compels me to share with you something said to MOI, by a Petite Soeur a few months ago. “You’re so open, honest….and raw”….”Raw”…Raw…..Unprocessed? I stink? Without process (lol)? Before preparations? Maybe all of the above. I wrote a little bed time ditty on FB last night, and while I do have a semi-time private life, I write from a place of reality, real feelings, real thoughts, real actions….I write from a place of Rawness, because if you don’t see my struggles, how can you appreciate my successes? You can’t….because if all I show you is Pink and Blue Unicorns, you’ll never know the true sacrifices of my path, and you won’t follow me…….No, it isn’t your business, but I Gotta Shower Soon, and that’s part of what started this rant….last night. Do not take advantage of those whom love you very, very much.

I’m disappointed, that is by far, worse than being pissed. In any relationship there’s going to be some give and take…but when YOU give and you TAKE…you’re gonna leave your partner resentful, and when the ROOT of Bitterness creeps in, the only thing you can do is pray….Truth is, you can look at someone, and envy all their achievements, but it’s a trap. You have no idea what that person had to go through for the small semblance of success they achieved, AND honestly you have no idea what someone else had to go through for that person to be successful. Come on, be honest, ALMOST 100 times out of 100 times, you’ll see a man doing very well, but you’ll also see a bitter ex-wife in the back ground….she may have a large settlement, but I’ll guarantee you that at one time, she didn’t want the settlement, she wanted her husband. Any modicum of victory we experience in our lives, comes with a price. Could be pride, desires, time, or money, but it should never, EVER be your family….for it all falls apart without them….

So yes, all this is about a FREAKING shower…..Realizing last night that I couldn’t shower with Duchess up and at em in the living room, I suddenly became aware of what my life had become, and I got pissed off. Relax….I have a good life, but there are some tweakings that need to be done….I’m not divorcing Merrill…yet. For all my friends whom are lovers, writers, actors, Engineer’s….whatever….realize that behind your victory….stands another champ….whom we don’t talk about enough. Don’t Judge Me….About that bitter ex….my guess is all that person wanted…was the one thing…the Victor couldn’t give him/her…and that’s too bad. Relationships are about balance…give and take….success is simply a result of a balanced relationship…..Feel me?  I may not be famous, but I’m known enough to know that to be HERE…means some nefarious mess and sacrifices had to go down, and before any of you JUMP me….Merrill is well compensated for any sacrifice he feels he’s made…..You do nothing alone in this world and anyone whom says different, come see me, I have a Chanel I’ll give you for a $1. Now turn to your left and right, and say, “Thank you”…because that person CHOSE to sacrifice for your victory, and you owe them….At least bring your ass home so they can freakin shower…..I’m DONE…I mean it. Okay, Kiddo’s are almost up….I Gotta Shower Soon….and I do stink….I didn’t sign up for THAT. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

 

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With Or Without You

My Favorite Album
My Favorite Album

There has to be an end point; otherwise, you will just overwhelm yourself, burn out, and resent” Ronnie responding to a friend’s post on  FB last night.

Any relationship that’s going to stand the test of time, has to be given some give and take on both sides. “With or Without You”, one of my favorite song’s on the Joshua Tree album (U2) had a line that went as follows, “And you give and you take away, and you give and you take away” he was talking to her, about her. I’ve been with my spouse since 1993, that’s a long time in dog years. I’ve learned a few things about give and take. With our Without You….what happens in relationships when an endpoint isn’t in sight.

First, let’s make this clear that this isn’t a bash Merrill column. He’s an amazing father and provider. Where we struggle as a couple, is how to make the time to understand and nourish each other. I know I have much on my plate, and frankly, I sorta mean to do that, until I don’t. At The Kiddie Pool, I’ve been successful because I treat each semester as an endpoint. For example, “I’m only going to struggle until December”. When taken in as whole, I can see the big picture then work toward the light. We’re not always able to see relationships as a whole, because of work, school, LIFE, therefore, we don’t have the benefit of a clear view of what we’re working toward together….So, like ants, we just work…and work…and work….Unfortunately, that results in frustration, then resentment….Then in our resentment, we forget that there’s another person counting on our contribution to the relationship….but by then, WE’RE DONE. Here’s my point.

Wise Words....Wise Band
Wise Words….Wise Band

We need an end point, an 8-count, if you will. Ask anyone in my kickboxing class, what they’re thinking as I do the 8-count to any move. If it’s a particularly distressing move, by the time “7” rolls around, they know they’re work is almost over. If I continue the count indefinitely, they’ll quit….7 is the light, 8 is the endpoint. Do you hear me now? Relationships, especially one’s that go through change, needs an endpoint. “I will do this, for this amount of time, or until we agree that I’ve done enough”. Friends, you need to know when “8” is coming so that you can look forward to your rest. “I can’t live, With or Without You”, that’s a paradox no one wants to experience. You must sit and talk and sit and talk and sit and talk so that the expectations of each other…are clear. I KNOW that one day, my Kiddie Pool day’s will be over…the end point is 5/18…..in my relationships, my end point may very well be the point when I say, “I’m DONE”. Your endpoint is simply a matter of 5….6…7.. 8….chose together where the #8 lies. Gotta go. Duchess’s Guardians are outside, and I need to get the kiddo’s ready for school. No, I am not leaving Merrill….I adore Merrill….my observations are of YOUR relationships and MY mistakes. Get an 8-count endpoint, I highly recommend one. It may very well save your relationships. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday.

 

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You’re My Best Friend

You're My Best Friend
You’re My Best Friend

You’re My Best Friend- I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice. After all, 9 times out of 10, I’m throwing stuff at his head….I don’t mean to miss….If you have someone in your life, that’s worth keeping, you’re gonna have to work past the plateau’s, the flatlines, the dips and throw a few bowls at his head, because being with anybody for any length of time, is going to become stale.

In this house, we pee with the door open. Don’t Judge Me, a closed door is an open invitation for a toddler to bang, and bang, and bang until you finally give in and open the door anyway. Our lack of modestly makes it very uncomfortable for visitors. We’re not savages, it’s just that in the end, the toddler gets her way, and the door opens. Feel me? Why not just start with an open door policy? That way, when the trials come, there’s a sense of TRUST already in place. Trust dictates that no matter how or what we feel, we can be OPEN about our insecurities. Trust me on this, when you take away the insecurity of looking vulnerable you can REALLY talk to your partner…try new things….Fear is not from the Lord….always remember that.

We once tried a relationship exercise in which we were to begin our sentences with, “I feel”. It’s a lot like telling your child they have the right to express their feelings of injustice. When you open that can, everything becomes unjust. Being proverbial smart a**es anyway, every sentence that came out of our mouth was, “I feel like you’re an idiot”, or “I feel like I want to insult your manhood”. Having fun is the glue that holds it all together. He is my best friend, and worse enemy, the mystery is determining which one he is, at any given time. The same passion that compels me to throw objects at his head (I don’t mean to miss) is the same passion I have when we make up….So, be open, be honest, but be willing to play. Do that, and you have a good foundation. The tremors will come…the earth will shake….I’d rather face the trials with him, than to have a life of Peace alone…..Okay, that’s enough. Duchess is eating, and I gotta go….I may have my first 5 minutes of Peace of the day….Be Blessed. Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

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