Tag: apologize

The Day Before












Originally posted on 4/3/16….How little we knew then.


I can’t right now. I have a test to study for. Can’t you do anything to help me?” A frustrated Ronnie to Merrill on November 6, 2016.


The Day Before….


Early in my writing career I shared a story about a man who had collapsed in front of me at Wal-Mart. He was gone before his body even hit the floor. I watched his death with complete helplessness, because there was nothing I…even as a EMT….could do for him. Never really understood the nature of heart conditions….until I did. I’m getting ahead of myself.  He caught my attention in the can isle with his sweating and breathing, then the collapse….I know now it wasn’t my time to save him, it was his appointed time to die, but it doesn’t make it easier. I worked at a dealership where the retired Service Manager had returned for an oil change. He went to the Customer Service lounge to wait for the work, and the world, to be done, and died there 10 minutes later. On a Clinical Medic rotation, we were called to a home for a “well persons check” because his daughter had not heard from her father in several days. What we found in the upstairs bedroom explained why. The Day Before….Christ tells us to be ready, because HE will come like a thief in the night. I KNOW this….Y’all can’t hear me….

I see the sun has risen in California, and while my North facing bay window has been replaced with a back yard view of leaves and roses, I can dig it….I’ll adjust. I’ve been thinking about death a lot lately, but really, you can’t blame me…some things, (i.e. experiences) you don’t forget. Ya know, most of my Loves knew they were going to die and were thusly prepared. I wonder if the man in Wal-mart had a pre-clue…no, probably not, because I saw it on his face….He was caught off guard. There have been a few others I knew who death caught off guard, they were here, and then they weren’t….the shock of their loss is soul numbing…..they hurt the most……Some I KNEW had their passport, others I wasn’t too sure….Mortality is a funny thing, because many falsely believe that there will be a sign pointing to their personal return of Christ…..There are no signs, and there are no warnings…..Today, you need to do two things: Apologize, and get your affairs in order…..

I could walk out my house RIGHT NOW, and DIE. Then yesterday, the day I had a huge argument with Merrill, would be known as The Day Before. I’d leave him with the memory of me saying, “I’m so sick of YOUR SH*T’“. I’d leave him with two babies, three kids and the memory….the horrible, painful memory of him trying to figure out what exactly he did wrong…..My age gap is in the precious position of watching friends and loved one die, too soon. For you see, we are at the apex of Family History, Cancer, Auto Accidents, and sigh…Suicide…..Is today my Day Before? Is it yours? God, I hope not, but If so, I need to make amends with the man I call My Life…..The Day Before….make your amends everyday, that way you’ll be ready for THAT DAY….The Day Before…excuse me while I go and apologize….Where is that chocolate milk? Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you Are the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmation complete, enjoy your Sunday.



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I’m Sorry

12304281_934564703246583_8768048960270937480_oThe sun is rising from the East side of the plains, shedding it’s warm light over the barren corn fields, I know its going to be a beautiful day, and yet, I feel no hope in its warm, orange glow. I said some horrible things last night …..it’s a different kind of bitch move when you say things, frustration or not, that you KNOW are going to hit their mark….Sure, I could apologize, kiss the boo-boo, and make up, but then what? The next time I’m frustrate, I’ll control my temper? NO….probably not. There are words, that sex won’t sooth. I’m Sorry…there I said it…it hurt a little…but I’ll survive….question is will he?

The most important relationship is the relationship with oneself . The second….is the relationship with your spouse. This person is the 2nd half to your whole heart, so if you hurt them, repair it quickly, or you will destroy your own organ. Sigh….I know he’s a good father…..I know he’s a good provider….I know he gets weary of being home with the kids, picking up my half of the work-load, I know all that….I know all that….I know all that….so why I said what I said……..Sigh……I dunno, maybe it’s because I too am frustrated too…..Oh well, time to swallow my pride, apologize, maybe try to convince him I didn’t mean what I said, then in this one limited case, let you judge me. I suppose the old adage, “She who sets the example, must at times, be the Example” is true. Mend a broken relationship….Why would you want to be the cause of so much pain? Guess it’s chocolate milk time…….I’m Sorry. Be Blessed.


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