Tag: God

Your Very Best

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Did the darkness beg for Mercy when you rolled away the stone?” Lyrics to a song I heard this morning. I had to share it.

God didn’t send down his second best. He didn’t say ‘Hey Gabe’ you go down there. He sent His own son, His very best, to save your soul“. Pastor’s message….

Are you giving Your Very Best?

 

I hate reading my old columns. I mean, I was so STUPID! How did any of you, save for just being my friends, every tolerate such crap from me? Anyone who participates in a creative process, is never quite satisfied with their work, and I’m not alone in that. From Hollywood stars to journalists, from mommies to craft geniuses, no one appreciates the gift of posterity. I guess what I’m saying is that we never quite feel like we’re giving it our very best….and while I’m glad God doesn’t feel that way, understand that in each of us, rests perfection. If you didn’t do your best, people notice. Your Very Best….LOL, who gets to decide that anyway?

I was talking with another mom the other day, and the subject of “Mom Guilt” came up. Mom Guilt is a real thing, and it’s a real thing because as parents, we never quite feel like we’ve done right by our kids….but that’s an illusion. Maybe it’s my old age, I don’t know, but I look back in my past and realize in many instances, I did, the best I could and besides what does total contentment look like anyway? I mean, whose yard stick are we using to measure up our own personal achievements? We’re using the Smith and Jones that’s who, and the danger in that is that they’re just as screwed up as we are…..I giggle when I think that some of you look up to me, because you have to know that I don’t have it figured out any more than you do…and I’m not even trying to cover it up…..I think that’s why I’m so honest and brutal. I don’t want you thinking I’m better. I’ve had the life where I looked up to the “Beautiful People” and the one thing I learned from my idealization of their lives is this…..they have their own issues….issues you’d never want to have…..Hell, they may even be envying you….and that’s #truth.

I advised the other mother, “If at the end of the day, you can admit that you’ve done nothing wrong then the guilt you feel is not deserved”. I’ve spent the last few months sitting at a park bench by myself, while waiting for Sweetness to get out of school. One day last week a woman came over to me and asked if she could sit with me. I knew of her, and even dubbed her one of the “Ladies who lunch“. Every day, they’d sit at their table and look down at the others in the park….but this day, because my bench was in the shade, she wanted to sit with me, and as she did so, she confided in me that her husband was at home sick with AFib, the dreaded heart disease that robs spouses of their partners everyday. She was tired, weak, and at the end of her rope. I told her, I knew her pain….not only as a home care nurse, but also as a spouse taking care of a spouse with VFib….we connected. The next day, she and all her “ladies” sat at my bench…..LOL, guess I’m in….but my point is, I held her in contempt….because I thought, she thought, she was better than I…..I now realize she doesn’t, nor did she ever, feel that way.

Your Very Best….at the end of the day, complete contentment comes in knowing that you did all you could do, to make a project successful. Whether that’s making a new confident, doing your job, (sigh) writing your column, making a movie, or just being a parent; which honestly, is the hardest job in the world! If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then contentment is as close to God as you’re going to get with a clean house, but the devil knows this, and will do all within his power, to keep you restless, and dissatisfied with your person. Only YOU can judge whether you did a good job, only YOU should measure up against YOU, and only YOU should know that by doing your best….in any function….is what others admire. Bemoaning the fact that my readership was down, Merrill said to me, “I thought you didn’t care”, and he was right….I had started to compare myself with the Greats in this business, and in doing that, I began to hate, that which I loved. This isn’t a column meant to make you feel touchy feely about the Lord, this is about your inner Peace, and asking yourself, “Did I do anything wrong, and could I have done better?“….If your answer is, “NO“….then no need to doubt your creation…..Remember this, above all things, if I can be successful writing tripe, you too can do all things, and be better than I ever was….and that’s a stone cold promise. Your Very Best….God gave to you, so you could give to others, and honestly, He will bless your WORKS…..He will, like the Godfather, remember all you did in His Name. Don’t let the devil steal your joy….you are just as good as Smith and Jones….you are special, worthy, and loved….and getting in a pissing contest against others, will never see you the victor. Now, get out there and create….do YOU….be the best someone, and do your best for someone, that you can….and I’m not saying this because I won the Merrill Bowl today. I’m saying this because I wasted so much time trying to measure up, when I was beautifully measured the whole time….Now, get out there and be YOU. Come on…show me what you got. Be Blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Daddy Didn’t Come Back

Me...Awww!
Me…Awww!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Impaction, “The condition of being or process of becoming impacted, especially of feces in the intestine.”

LOL, I suppose that’s TRUE.

Impaction…..It’s not always a pleasant experience.

Life can’t always be beautiful. I mean, we go through some pretty sh*tty times, usually at the hands of others. The age-old argument for me then, is if God doesn’t want to violate the Free Will of another, could He at least protect me from their damage? After all, what about my Free Will? That’s not to say I haven’t had many positive people in my life, some very kind souls who didn’t really INSPIRE me, but their deeds, left a lasting IMPACT upon me, and there within lies the difference. We can freely float into each others lives, but we don’t have to inspire, to impact. Daddy Didn’t Come Back….I probably owe much of who I am today due to what he did rather than any Inspirational Tutor God put in my life. Some of these are hard to read….don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I remember when my dad walked out, the first time. I mean, I don’t think he got into a big fight with my mom, he didn’t storm out the house and slam the door, he just walked out….like one would leaving for the grocery store….and never came back. Maybe I was too young to understand the dynamics of my parents relationship, maybe there was some Nefariousness going on that was none of my business, maybe, maybe, maybe….but I loved that man! God, I….FREAKING…..Loved him, and he threw me away, like a used hamburger wrapper. When he and mom got back together and my home was complete again, he DID IT AGAIN….only this time, the consequences would prove more severe. I spent the rest of my life hating men, and not trusting them….dumping them before they could dump me….playing the cat and mouse game of “will they or won’t they” I couldn’t take being abandoned again….

A child, asking God for things, no child should ask, I would sit on the porch and beg GOD to bring him back…. I’d be good I swore to Him…..I would stop fighting with my sister…..If He brought my daddy back, I would be the best kid He’s ever seen….but no, Daddy didn’t come back….So when I dropped my guard with my HS boyfriend, and HE did it too….like I wasn’t good enough…like I was TRASH….I snapped and something in me rose up…”I told you so” the little girl inside my castle mocked me…”when are you going to learn, all men are bad?”…..I became apathetic to their feelings….I didn’t care if they were hurt….it only pissed me off more, because their crying was a sign of weakness to me, like somehow they DESERVED to be hurt. I destroyed every beautiful thing in my life….don’t believe me? Ask my first husband….My relationship with God was destroyed as well, because He didn’t bring my daddy back. Really? I’m supposed to fathom a Fatherly Loving God? Because really, in my life, my daddy left me, and I didn’t need God….I was doing just fine on my own, thank you very much! It wasn’t until Merrill said something to me one day, that I realized exactly how terrified I was. ” I’m not LEAVING you” he said as I complained about his travels. “I’m going away on a business trip. There’s a difference“….and I knew right then, that if we were going to make this marriage work, I’d have to start trusting him….I still have issues with trust….but I’m getting there…slowly.

Your Submissions:

Putting out the call for guest posters, I asked who had the greatest impact on your life….You didn’t disappoint! Some of these are very hard to read….

  1. I’ve had several teachers who had an impact on my life: my 3rd grade teacher, 5th grade teacher and my 7/8 math teacher. My third grade teacher was strict, but one time, she brought me a cutting from her night-blooming cirrus plant. I can’t recall why, but I loved her dearly for it. I don’t remember feeling that way about her before. My fifth grade teacher just always made me feel special. I’m friends with her on Facebook today! My 7/8 math teacher made me believe that I could actually do math well. I thought of her a lot when I was a fifth grade math teacher for five years. Lori Lyn Farquher….Teachers are in an amazing position to shape the life of a child. Thank you for all you guys do.
  2. I worked for a rich woman. I was the cleaning lady. They had our church family over for Christmas party. (we attended the same church). I was treated and called on like a maid rather than one of them. A man named Loren g. Decided to stand by me as I did dishes and helped me finish them. They were many. To him I was more than, “The Help”. I was worth the conversation. He didn’t know it but I was quietly crying from humiliation when he walked in. I wiped my tears with out him noticing. he picked me up from the mud of a pious woman who had no regard for me though I cleaned the piss off her walls from her bratty boys and I often washed her floors by hand so they would shine like tables. One day I wanted to ask for a raise. The same day she offered me 8$ an hour vs the 10$ I was getting. I was already being ripped off. Her response was ugly. But in all of that experience there was Loren. A godly man who showed me he cared about me enough to help my dignity. He wasn’t her husband. He was a church friend and also knew Me from church And evidently my brother. Everyone else said hi and thank you. He said,- “Hi Becky how are you. How about I help you? You wash I’ll rinse. There’s a lot of dishes to do alone“. I’ll never forget it. I felt so little, poor, unequal, unseen. He let me know I still mattered. Becky Hernandaz Figueroa….Humility is a true Fruit of the Spirit…..
  3. One person having the best and worst impact on my life. My mother, God rest her soul was my pride and joy. Diagnosed with kidney disease when I was born it was a difficult childhood because she wasn’t physically right in the head anymore. You see our, my brother, my sister and I mother molested all of us at a very young age and the effects of that caused a downward spiral in my life, drugs, alcohol, stripping and much worse unfortunately. This happening to me impacted my life in a negative way for a long time. Finally ending up in prison and my mother getting sick is where my positive begins as sad as it is to say. I found a way to cope with all my hurt and anger with a counselor by finally talking about it and acknowledging that it happened. For years I despised my mother for what she did but on her deathbed she admitted the wrong she had done and I was able to forgive her. That point in my life had the best impact ever because I was finally able to forgive her for what she did and let it go! I have since grown in to the woman I deserved to be for so long and am so happy in life now! Missy Brown  
  4. Big Jim Darby and his family has made a huge impact on my life. I’ve known them for over 20 years. They have been with me through marriage and divorce. The birth of two of my babies. His love and genuine care for me and my children is something you don’t find everywhere. He always asks about them by name. And when my daddy passed away, his family took the best care of us. can’t really find all the right words to say about the Darby Family. I just know that my life would be totally different had I not ever had the pleasure of having them in my life. Amy Marie McQuown
  5. WARNING: This is very hard to read…..The Space Where I Run to Hide The” incident” in August…. I’m not even capable of calling it out for what it really was. I don’t even have the courage to type the word. So…”the incident” resulted in the loss of yet another piece of my already shattered self. Already ruined and damaged, there was little of “me” left to begin with. This time he brought a friend; someone to “play along” too. I eventually went somewhere else in my mind away from the terror, pain, humiliation, and guilt. There is no point in struggling; my silent screams have never been heard. I lay there, feeling the pressure of their bodies on mine, the movement of the knife sliding across my skin, and the smells…..My mind fighting it’s hardest to prevent the smells and tastes from breaking through the walls of the space in my mind where I always go to hide. I’m losing the fight, the smell of old musty putrid scented musk made of rancid bacteria and yeast permeates my lungs, body, and mouth. I cannot stop feeling and tasting the hairs, sweat, and eventually semen swirling around my mouth and tongue. No one should know what that tastes like; the smell is unforgettable and trauamatizing enough. I lay there; far away in my mind watching as if in a foggy tunnel seeing and feeling bits and pieces of what is happening to my body. There is no pain, but I can hear the ripping of my tissue traveling through my broken body as they force themselves inside me. I can smell the distinct iron scent of blood as it trickles from me, down my thighs onto the ground. I try to hear through the foggy darkness what is being said; “whore”, “slut”, “cunt”. Comments on “How tight”, “take it all in”, “Feels so good, right?”, “Mmm, I know you love my juice, bitch”, “lick me clean slut”, “I’ve got my eye on you”……. I grasp to try to lock in my memory something that will help catch and stop these monsters, but my mind is a sieve. A long ago learned mechanism to maintain an innocent girl’s sanity. The memories painfully flow in……then as if by magic…. flood through my life saving sieve, forever lost in a place I will never ever go. My ears burn and my body shakes and spasms desperate to not see, hear, feel, or taste. My mind grasping at straws… Using every last bit of courage and strength to block my senses and secure the walls to the space where I always run to hide. Anonymous

Daddy Didn’t Come Back. For me, that was the single greatest impact any human ever on my life. The Violation at 10, is a close second. I didn’t find out until later in life that he not only suffered with PTSD, but he AWOL’d out of the service, and when caught, was placed in prison and dishonorably discharged from the military. My sister, being a good person, took up his cause, and readied an appeal, that when reviewed, reinstated his Vet benefits. I’m an adult now, with babies and a spouse of my own…I spent many years believing that men were disposable….nothing to feel sorry for….LOL, I even tried to break it off with Merrill twice because I felt myself really caring about him…..Do I have any insightful words of wisdom to the others who’ve also suffered horrendous damage, due to the impact of someone else in their life? NO….God NO. I wish I did. I wish I could make it all better with the twist of my nose, the blink of my eye, but I can’t….For me, the answers to healing lies within my blog…The more I write about the Bad Things, the more I feel whole….I’ve gone though some sh*t…..you’ve gone through some sh*t….we’ve all gone through some sh*t, but look at the goodness that comes from Impaction as well….There is light in this world, the trick, is to be one. The past is gone, the present is here, the future awaits you, but BE the impact you wish you had….and if all else fails, there’s always cussing….and I won’t judge you a bit. Daddy Never Came Back….I wasn’t a whore, I was terrified and just trying to survive…and friends, do not judge what you do not understand. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

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What’s My Name?

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Your deadline to submit your guest post, “Impaction” is almost due. Just saying.

What’s My Name? Well…..

 

I don’t understand why we tiptoe around certain issues. There is a general sense of befuddlement within me, that makes me want to scream every time I see certain posts, and the thing about posts, is they’re never fully deleted. Why then, do we comment when we’re mad, drunk or high? Maybe it’s because we don’t have someone right at our disposal to smack the hell out of us, when we screw up? For example, at the dinner table a few nights ago, Sweetness had an “accidental” burp (accidental my ass), so I admonished him, that had I EVER burped at the table, my grandmother would not even have warned me…Without putting her soup spoon down, she’d whip out her left hand so fast, I’d have to ask for the plate number of the truck that hit me. I think that’s what’s missing here….A real direct threat, a discipline (if you will) that will whip us back into shape…..Grandma at the table, I don’t burp, but don’t burp at someone elses table either….she had ears….always had ears. What’s My Name? Well Embarrassed….I’m Embarrassed. It’s nice to meet you.

Ms. Alyssa Milano earned her acting bones in Hollywood with such great hits as “Who’s The Boss“, “Melrose Place” and of course the blockbuster “Commando“. Clearly, she’s an expert in all things politics, but seems to have missed the class on decorum. Decorum, whether you posses it or not, simply dictates that when someone is asking for prayer, you do not demean them, nor mock them with their own words. For example, when Trump sent out a Tweet asking for prayers for Texas, and making September 3, a National Day of Prayer, she Tweeted back, that it should indeed be National Asshole Day. Now, she either forgotten that her influence goes no farther than late night 80’s television, or she honestly needs work in Hollywood and thought this would be a good way to get attention, either way, she was the ASS…and she looked bad! That ugly ass chick from Goonies made headlines earlier this week when she came out and admitted that her first abortion, was her best abortion. I had to ask myself, what climate do we live in, where both women, felt safe enough to behave badly? Good question….

Christians, we EFFED up! Long ago, we decided that being friends with the World was more important than telling the world the news we had to share. We were to be the Light unto the World but instead, we became bogged down with important matters like feelings, and how we are perceived by others. When we stand before the throne, and we all will, the one question Christ WILL ask us is, “What did you do for me?”…..Well, Um…I kept the peace, didn’t offend people by bringing you up, I didn’t speak out when people were bragging about abortions, I backed down when your Name was being taken in vain, I didn’t make, nor create any waves….Just like you told me not to do….but the Parable of the Talents is very clear about what happens to us, if we don’t make waves….isn’t it? We have a world where the President is MOCKED for asking for prayers, Abortions are trophies on an ugly woman’s mantel, and honestly, I’ve seen so much smack talk about God, that I’ve begged Him to come down and smite the begotter…..Tell me something….60 million Christians in this amazing country, and abortion is legal? Souls are OD’ing every day? Children are dying at school? Rapes and assaults on a daily basis….60 million Christians…and Alyssa Milano felt safe enough to mock a leader, asking for prayer, and I ask you….What DID you DO about it? No one ever impressed Him, by standing down. No one every won Mercy Points by ignoring the sin. No one every earned His favor by pushing the issue to someone else. If you see evil, and that includes HATE, speak out on it! For only the Light can chase away the dark….yet too many of us have forgotten that we ARE the Light….He who tries to save his life, will lose it….strong words from a man who’d know what we’d go through. So…

What’s My Name? Well it’s daughter….I can make a small difference in the world today, so that hopefully all will understand just how loving, and graceful He really is….60 million Christians in this country, and I had to write a column like this? Don’t you think it’s time to let others know your name too? Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Friday.

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Church Watch 2017

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Do You KNOW who I am?

 

Yeah, but how will they feel about Ronnie huh? They won’t like her a bit”. Merrill after leaving yet another church this morning.

Where is my DAUGHTER?!” The church misplaced Duchess

Church Watch 2017

I grew up around these people. Not in the literal sense, but in the figurative sense of being raised a Baptist. The Church we visited was an Independent Fundamental Baptist church, and as far as friendly goes, they’re in the lead. From the moment our car pulled up in parking lot, we were NOTICED….Trust that. Yet it wasn’t a bad notice, it was strangely refreshing. The other two churches we’ve visited almost acted like we were supposed to be there….I mean, I don’t think a handful of congregants even thought we were new. I get now how The World feels, expect I am not of the WORLD, I am…for all Intensive Purposes (I know) one of theirs. Church Watch 2017…I really liked this church. It’s too bad Merrill did not feel the same.

So they lost our daughter. At the end of service, when we all went outside into the wrath of God’s heat (It was 103 at noon ya’ll), one of the very friendly parishioners (the Youth Pastor) offered to walk with Merrill to go retrieve Duchess. Sweetness had already made himself at home on the BB court with the pastor’s son, but when Merrill and the Youth Director walked out, Duchess was nowhere to be found. No worries, she was probably walked over to the main building to meet with the outgoing worshippers….NOPE, not there either, and I don’t know if it was the HELL outside, or the fact that they LOST our daughter, I yelled to all gathered outside, (members and new visitors alike), “Where is my DAUGHTER?!”…..”Don’t worry, we’ll find her” the pastor’s wife offered, but even in that…there was little comfort. “We’ll FIND her? How did you LOSE her?” was my only response. In the end, the SS Teacher had merely switched classes…and there sat Duchess….as if her parents weren’t ready to kill….All’s Well that ends well….that’s what God always says….but it isn’t…..

And so, the message this am, well both of them, was ON POINT. This church, with its very friendly, if not absent-minded, fellowship was one of the more conservative sects of the Baptist branch. Yes, Rock and Roll is evil, Elvis had a dirty minded pelvis, and honestly, alcohol is of the devil, but those aren’t entirely deal breakers for me. Know what I mean? I felt comfortable in this church, because it’s the same Doctrine I grew up with. The issue lie, like Merrill said, in the knowledge that were they to find out about Ronnie, they’d have my ass in sling so fast it would make your head spin, and that’s because they lacked Grace. The Bible isn’t exactly liberal itself. God was very clear in His Will, wishes and demands, and yet, like Abe, God offers us compromise….He knows we’re going to screw up, like Paul said, “So what then? We sin more, to receive more Grace?“….No of course not, but this Church, with its on fleek teachings has no room for grey area, but it makes me question if that’s really the model we should follow? I’m willing to cut some slack for the Duchess debacle, because to Err is indeed Human….but if I were to put their teachings back onto them, I would not go back next week.

Even Christians have a hard time with the Bible, because there’s so much we either don’t understand, agree with, or simply don’t want to follow. Christ, in His infinite wisdom, tried to answer the question, “What do we do first?” in plain Red Text…”Love thy neighbor“….He told us, “No greater love has he, then the one who’d die for his brother” (I paraphrase), and so, while homosexuality, alcohol, cussing, some versions of sex, and thoughts may indeed be sin…the trick is to try….to keep trying to be the Christian God want’s you to be. I tried to do that….that’s all I’ve ever tried to show you, is that for me, I’m willing to err on the side of Grace, over the side of obedience. Like the snake story Trump pontificated numerous times on the campaign trail, I have been bitten…several times as a matter of face, but I’m HUMAN. I may give some of you the impression that God is like a BK, in which I can have the Doctrine my way, but all I ever tried to do, was show you that we…as The Brethren…screw up. I did like this church…it may be the first time in forever that I didn’t look at my phone while the preacher was giving some good preaching, but the conservative message, was missing the one small element of the Faith that I hold so dearly…The human element….They were wonderful people, very diverse, and had a genuine desire to serve and love God….but in the end, my deal breaker is, if you cannot love and accept Ronnie…as fault-filled and flawed as she is, I can’t fellowship with you, because this is Ronnie. I don’t know how to be any one else than what I am….and I adore that there are some, like Becky, who love and accept me for and as ME. I really miss RBC…they knew Ronnie, and loved her anyway. Church Watch 2017 continues….but this church was the best by far,….so maybe…we’re getting there. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

 

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It Wasn’t My Plan

Kicking Racism's ASS!
Kicking Racism’s ASS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He God leads you to it, He will cross you through it.

I think that’s a bunch of crap.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, woman can’t get along, and work together.

Four women, an older Hispanic woman, a middle 40’s white woman, a Woman of Color, and an exhausted Chatty Cathy stood outside a laundry mat at 10am on August 21, 2017 to watch the Majesty of God’s Creation. It hadn’t been in my plan to watch the eclipse, but as I stood outside and marveled at the dimming of the sun, I saw that the Woman of Color had a pair of eclipse glasses. She also noticed me standing alone, and asked me, “You want to see?“lll “Sure, Thank you” I responded grateful for the opportunity. “Take your time” was all she said…It Wasn’t My Plan….God didn’t dirty my laundry, but He made sure it was an experience to remember.

The Hispanic woman had wandered over and asked us what we were doing. The Woman of Color asked her if SHE wanted to look at the sun. ” We are a witness to history. she remarked, and indeed we were, but not because of the sun….”You’re not from around here. Are you?“….the Hispanic woman asked, as she took the glasses from my hand. “No. I’m from the Midwest. Illinois to be exact” and at that, the clearly exhausted woman sauntered over to see what we were doing. They do that out here you know? I’ve noticed that if two or more are gathered, that’s an invite for others to saunter over and be friendly. “Oh?” she began. “I just came in by train from D.C., and had a layover in Chicago. Is that where you’re from?” Yeah, I get that a lot here….Illinois equals Chicago…I understand. “That’s 4 days of my life I’ll never get back”, and as we were discussing TIME…the sun was surly starting to fade in the shadow of the moon. It was beautiful.

The four of us, standing on the sidewalk, talked about Illinois politics, California politics, Nursing, trains, time and corruption, but interesting enough, it’s as if we’d been friends forever. “Isn’t Illinois that state that had the lottery pull out?” the Hispanic woman asked. “Well almost” I answered, “but at the last moment, we found the money, and gambling was saved”…..The irony in our gathering was that not once in our discussions was anyone called a racist, a nazi, a fascist, nor a Roman. I mean here we are killing each other, you’d think one of us would start a fight or something….but we didn’t. We didn’t guard our words out of hesitation of offense, we didn’t use politically correct terms so as not to alienate the others, we just talked, and as we talked, watching the sun, it occurred to me that THIS is what humanity is all about. It’s the ability to be decent, without the intervention of the Government and it’s beastly friend, the media. Four Women, a pair of eclipse glasses and a fading sun briefly united strangers…Are there racial issues in the US? You betcha. Do we have work to do making sure all are inclusive of the Great Promise this country affords? Of course, but as the Woman of Color reminded us, “I’m no one’s MINORITY”, and it was clear that she had not fallen for the slight of labels. It Wasn’t My Plan to watch the eclipse that day…but to be called a Son of God, a Peace Maker, you don’t have to pontificate at a podium to anyone willing to give you FB Likes, you just have to be willing to be a decent person, and do the right thing, regardless of what society, the media, the government or even Facebook tells you to do….As we thanked each other, and bid the other a good day, the Hispanic woman, made a comment that made me giggle. “I hate the term undocumented immigrant. They’re illegal…it’s like calling a rapist a sexual assaulter….you can water down the term, but in the end, it’s still a rose“….Still a rose indeed. Gotta go.. Remember, where ever you are, that’s where you’re supposed to be…regardless of what the label tells you, waiting for the next eclipse…who knows, maybe we can solve world hunger that day. With God, all things are possible. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday.

 

 

 

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I’m Batman

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“Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul to waste
And I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate”

 

I’ve spent the last few days mulling over the “racism” crises in this country, and while I could move past it and not say a word, I also have an obligation to write down what’s on my heart and mind. I am reminded of a scene in Batman, not the Clooney Batman, but the Bale Batman, in which the Joker had placed two boats in the harbor, and given each boat a set of explosives and a detonator. If boat A was willing to blow up boat B, boat A could be gifted their lives, and the inverse was true of boat B….Both boats, filled with people who were qualified to die, had a quandary on their hands and hearts. Could they, would they, be willing to kill hundreds of people they’d never met, for their lives and freedoms? All the while, the Joker could be heard on the intercom, mocking, excusing, fanning the flames of hatred….I’m Batman….well not really, but I wish he were here right now.

We did not start this fire. We didn’t. Racism, like the age-old elephant, has always been in the room….Each generation, and decade before likes to pat itself on the back and congratulate their leaders in the fight for equality of the races, but really, they never killed the beast, only allowed him to hide behind foolish pride and grandeur. The truth is, Racism, unlike any issue we’ve faced in the history of history, is not a thing, a feeling, an ideal, nor a platform, Racism is evil. Like the black veil spoken of in A Wrinkle In Time, it has always surrounded the earth, caressed it, fed it, nurtured it…mentored it! Racism, like Heaven, Hell, God and Satan has always existed, we just gave it different names. Racism, cannot be beaten, and it’s arrogant on our part to think we have the inside clue in how to eradicate this evil from our society….we can’t. We can beat it back, we can fight it, or we can do what others have done, and ignore it, but Racism in its purest form, is simply Satan dividing us…and why would he do that?

To answer that question, you have to accept this one small truth, we are all Children of a Living God and since the day of his casting out, Satan has sought to kill God’s children. Racism nails the very heart of God….it divides His children for no other reason, but the color of one’s skin. See, we are, as a people, powerful. Look at all the positives we’ve accomplished throughout history, and yet, we cannot eradicate Racism, because racism is predicated upon the seven deadliest of sins: Pride (being the most deadly), Greed, Lust, Wrath, Envy, Sloth and Gluttony…..Inside of each of our hearts, sits the small place no one wants to admit and for the most part, we are successful in controlling it, like a damp blanket on a hot fire, but in that small, dark space, sits the Joker…mocking us, taunting us, accusing us, and telling us that we deserve more…we deserve better….I’ve read the hatred in the chat rooms…..We don’t want to pay for drug addicts to live, we don’t want to pay for the needy to eat, we don’t want to pay for single mothers to go to college and we don’t want to do that because no one did it for us…it’s our PRIDE, but the Joker tells us it’s something else…

The writers of Batman, wanted to reflect something good in the people society sought to ignore….See, even in the heat of their fears, each boat finally understood that by killing the other boat, they might have saved their lives, but they would be no better than the god who compelled them to kill, and SO, friends I beseech of thee to…not…push…that…button. As righteous as you believe yourself to be, as correct as you think you’re coming, as RIGHT as you think you are….do not let hatred, in any form, cause you to hate your brother. My column isn’t going to end racism, but only help you see whose behind this crises…..All we can do now is protect and help those whom racism seeks to harm, and by doing that, we may have beaten the media….ahem…evil….another day. The Bible is clear in how we can fight racism….Love your neighbor as you love yourself, for skin color may vary, but the color of blood…the color of the heart remains the same.

So, I’m Batman….you be Batman….we’re all Batman….we have a choice….push the trigger and allow the Spirits of our neighbors to be killed, or sit down, and see what’s really going on. We cannot beat Racism, but we cannot listen to those whom seek to do us harm either. I am deleting anyone who seeks to fan the flames of my hatred….I’ve controlled my crazy well enough on my own, thank you, and be honest, a little bit of evil exists within us all. If it didn’t, racism wouldn’t exist. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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God Is Not Your Friend

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My Sunday Best

 

(Song at Church)

I am His Friend

I am His Friend

I am His Friend

I am His Friend

I am His CHILD“. Ronnie whispering to Merrill

Church “shopping” is a hard business. I mean, even with the Google search, you’re still walking in not knowing a thing about what a church believes, you’re at the mercy of the “greeter” and frankly, you’re never quite sure if you’re dressed appropriately or not. As Baptists, Merrill and I agreed with each other, that we’d keep an open mind, and try to let the Spirit of God tell us if this is where we belonged. They greeted us friendly enough, had several offering for the kids, and the music was pretty cool….but the opening Praise, (WHICH was so eloquently belted out by a band), had me leaning into Merrill and whispering, “That’s not right at all“….God is NOT your friend…..He isn’t….He is your loving Father….I might die for a few friends, but it’s my children, it’s my BABIES…I’d kill….and die for.

Let me just say that I was impressed with the congregation at the Fellowship. It was amazing to see them interacting and honestly interested with each other…… With the Charleston events so current and fresh in my mind, I looked around and saw black, white, latino, young, old, married, biker, single…all worshipping together. I mean, my heart skipped a beat when a biker gang member walked in, and went straight for an older African male, and hugged him…(BTW, an entire biker gang walked in, Bibles and all). A former gang member, with hands raised, walked up to the alter and kneeled in praise…It was endearing to watch the way everyone existed….it was an inclusive Fellowship, but was it God, or something else? Even with the sermon, I got the impression that the hard stuff of the Faith, had not yet been approached, nor discussed….Then it hit me, this was a “milk” church. Many weren’t quite ready for the meat and potato’s of the faith, that would eventually be required to grow.

So, God Is Not Your Friend, but I get why they did that. Many churches today, shy away from the more direct mandates of the faith. If a pastor began his sermon with, “Thou shall go to hell” how many would stay and listen? After all, some would prefer hell, to the judgmental attitudes of those in the brethren, so….I get it, I do. Also, some people, like me, had no real male role model, therefore, a loving Father in heaven, caring about a little pee on means nothing. I mean, where was HE, when I was suffering with my mess? No, it’s much easier to look upon God as a friend. We can walk and talk, we can laugh, but God you keep your opinions to yourself, I’ll ask for them, when I want them. What we want is a drinking buddy, a pal, someone who won’t talk back, unless asked. Yea, many want God to be like a radio station…we’ll jam Him when He’s good….turn Him down, when we don’t like His song. Truth is, the Bible talks over and over and over, about being a Sheppard (That I could have gotten behind), a vengeful wrath maker (still good), and a loving daddy, whose waiting for you, to come and fellowship with HIM….not each other. God isn’t my friend, I got friends….what I want…what I NEED is a Daddy. I suspect that’s what others need too…they just don’t know it yet. God gets that we didn’t have the best parental relationships….He can work with that…what we need NOT do, is shade the truth…to fit a life we came out of…..It’s the little things in Faith, that will trip you up, every time. As a Father, Brother, Sheppard and Deity, HE died…for his children, not for His friends, and I think that was my deal breaker. Friendly church, lots and lots of programs, an inclusive….come-as-you-are Fellowship……but He is not my friend, He is not anyone’s friend….He’s my Daddy….He died for me, because I am His child….and I think I’ll leave it right here. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

 

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Chaos

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I got you on this Dear. It’s going to be okay“…Merrill to a very stressed out Ronnie.

 

I have a headache this morning. It’s ridiculous, really. I’m only home today and tomorrow, today is our last day at church, then a quick birthday gathering for Sweetness, a visit to say goodbye to my charges in the LTC, then home to study, (or something)…then tomorrow, it starts all over again. The headache is okay, I guess. Mostly because I tolerate them fairly well, but it does prevent me from an early am run. As Merrill and I were sitting on the back porch last night, (my oasis), I became remarkably vulnerable and open…almost as if I had been drinking….”This” I said while non-drunkenly moving my arm in a wide, waving motion, “feels like I have no anchor. It’s all chaos…and I can’t deal with that. I’m shutting down“….After the comments about Nesquick relaxing me, hubby realized I wasn’t kidding….I was close to a breakdown…..He’s a man of great patience, and has a great love for me, so he looked at me with eyes that understood the traumas of days gone by, and did his best to kill the demons IN my mind.  Chaos.…I don’t do well when I’m vulnerable. Damn you!

I’ve got you on this Dear” he said as he realized that my frustration level was dangerously rising. Actually, I WAS fine, until we arrived home from The Lake, and I realized I had no place to put down my bags….I didn’t have a home to welcome me, and while the rest of the world believes that Home is where you hang your hat, I like to think of it as a place to unpack your bags, but I didn’t have a place to unpack my bags, I had a place to put down my bags among the boxed up crap that I’ve been collecting for the last two decades, AND there was no “my space” which is the space I clean out especially for me…. NO….on top of the unkemptness of the house, I also had to deal with the mental mind screw of my up and coming boards, then had to wonder why I ever even thought I could go on vacation….Duchess was being a tired ass, Sweetness was being clingy, and….and….we had to grocery shop…and as it collided in my brain, it must not have been a pretty sight….because he looked at me and understood the breakdown coming. This is why his attempt to calm me down didn’t work…..

Because it didn’t work with God either, and if it doesn’t work with God, it sure as hell won’t work with man. See, I was thinking about the song, “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” and about how almost every hymn written deals with either Praise (which is should), or troubled hearts and minds….I’m stuck between the proverbial rock and hard space. On the one hand, you have me, in need of comfort and assurance, then you have ME, and I don’t need sh*t from YOU. When Merrill, in his well-meaning fashion, told me, “I got this dear” what I heard was, “Don’t worry your pretty little head baby doll…a man is going to take care of this“…and Oh HELL NO. This is my one fatal personality flaw….in the midst of me loving and accepting the person I am, I’m also the person who cannot deal with mental chaos….I need strings to pull……I can’t have projects with several straggled strings….like I don’t know where to begin….but see, that’s always been my relationship with God, then Merrill….The NEED to have control….

My need for control, stems from the Chaos of times I can no longer do anything about. This isn’t a quirk, or a simple preference, this is a deep-seated NEED….a NEED to control what comes in and what goes out of my life. I will never be vulnerable, open, childlike again. I swear to Him, who tries to break me, that I will not be that little girl who has to go where others lead AGAIN…..NOPE! I must control….I cannot live in chaos….I cannot have a savior…..for I can do all things through ME….except that last night, as I looked toward the house that held boxes and boxes and boxes of Sh*t….I mentally broke down, and had no choice but to rely on him….Merrill….but neither God, nor Merrill takes pleasure in my brokenness….and I believe that. So as I try to live my very hectic day….as I try to compose myself in church, as I try to spend another hour NOT studying for boards, I fight the panic…the panic that precedes the Chaos….it is kinda funny right, because I hide my crazy better than most, don’t I?….Merrill agrees. Chaos….if I could just kill, defeat or at least control this one LARGE personality flaw, I’d be so perfect that even Jesus would be impressed…..I wish I wasn’t like this…..I wish I was normal…..I wish, and wish, and wish. Chaos...It’s what happens inside the places you can’t see, that you need to worry about….Merrill knows those places, and I’m so blessed he doesn’t judge me….He actually likes crazy; which works out for me….Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

 

 

 

 

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For This Is Good

Happy Birthday Princess
Bye-Bye Princess. Drive Safely

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The mother/daughter relationship, when correct, is one of the most satisfying, blessed, sanctioned relationships in existence.” Ronnie

 

In my younger years, while still trying to figure out the Bible and all its Godly nuances, I was puzzled by the directive regarding children vs spouse. It isn’t that they are against each other. Not at all. It’s that parents (spouses) are at the top of the pyramid, with children, parents, dogs and cats stacked according to priorities toward the bottom….The Bible requires us to, “become ONE” with a spouse, then create the beautiful babies, that are to be loved, adored and cherished….For This Is Good….it’s a sad day for me….you’re gonna have to excuse me….as I try to work through some separation issues….

Princess came down to join us for the weekend in the Ozarks, and today she leaves….something about a job or something…I dunno. She’s grown up here. From the family’s humble beginning in the “cabins” (and I use THAT term loosely) to the spacious condo’s we enjoy today, she’s shared in the memories, the sunburns, the retreats, the meals….She was just a little girl all those years ago…but today, she leaves an adult….I was teasing her yesterday, asking her if there was anything I could do, anything at all, that could convince her to come to California with us…to move with mommy and daddy….”No mom“….she began, “there’s nothing you can do“, and so it stands, the little girl I raised to be independent…is INDEPENDENT…..

I guess it’s just as well. We’re too much alike. I did my job too well. And so, as I put my baby girl back in her car, kiss her cheek while wishing her safe travels, and wish The Greek well, I will walk away KNOWING that it’s not as simple as her driving the 1hr home anymore. For as long as I can remember, mommy has been within ear shot of her…mommy has always been within a car ride to her, and now…. as I work through some #momlife Nefariousness, I am trying hard to remember that our babies….are to grow….and move away…Just as the Bible envisioned…….For This Is Good….When God saw what I carried, He smiled. He chuckled to Himself as He thought of all the battles we’d have….The equality in our personalities is stunning. So she goes today….back to Indy….and unless some sh*t changes, I won’t see her, before I leave for California. I guess when you do your job too well…..you can let the babies go with a prayer…..Yeah well, if it’s all the same to you, I am not going to be good company today…..but at least I’m working out again….and that helps. No it doesn’t….Ima need a minute. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

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When Faith Makes The Connection

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They don’t go gently into that good night.

 

Well you see, when your BM’s turn green, that’s when you know the iron is in your system” Ronnie schooling Merrill on the finer arts of mineral absorption.

 

I am a very, very, VERY stubborn woman. I can’t really tell if it’s just ME…the person God created, or my experiences; which God had not much to do with, that developed the stubborn personality you love today. There is something to the Missoura Motto, “Show Me” because in my state, if you want a pass on something, you must SHOW US, that what you say is true and righteous. We’re not big on Faith per se, we want to see the money. I’ve never been one to take orders (Take it easy- SMH), because I need to see the NEED in direction….Like a method actor, I need to know my motivation for following your direction, even if…..even if….following your orders is good and righteous for me. It’s pretty much why I’ll never work for the man again. I don’t want to take orders, I want to FEEL and know why the orders are there. When Faith Makes The Connection……Faith and I are like oil and water, I try really hard to be a woman of faith….but I’m really more a woman of action…..

So this whole, “Rest, don’t do too much” BS didn’t really sink in until last night, when reading in bed I cam across an article about the stitches inside of me. For anyone just now joining us, I had a laparoscopic hysterectomy, kept my ovaries, three weeks ago. I’ve been pissed off about it, because while the pain was gone in a few days, the emotional/physical recovery has been anything but easy. It’s been brutal, it’s been HELL…it’s made me whine like a wuss. I’ve had plenty of family and friends pray with me, for me, over me…they’ve laughed, cried, got mad with me, but what many had not done was tell me WHY I had to listen to them…I’m a big girl. I mean, I KNOW I lost an organ the size of my fists, but I didn’t know that in that, I also had a new cervix made, stitches to stitch the cervix, internal stitches, and that any jarring…and jarring would tear the stitches out…and make me bleed…my own blood…..I didn’t know all that. I thought you all were trying to control me with your words…..but as frustrated as you feel over me not listening too well…..how frustrated do you think I am over not listening? How do you think God feels about me on a daily basis?

And so, sans a jackass standing in front of me verbally telling me what to do, God asks us to trust Him, and have Faith; which is the evidence of something not seen, but the knowledge it’s there….or something ridiculous like that I didn’t have time to look it up. It means, that God puts that special spark upon our hearts, that song in our Spirit, that message that sometimes says, “You don’t have to know why, please trust ME”. There is GRACE in the Faith message. It’s like, I didn’t know, so I was protected…..but now I know….so I’m not. See, When Faith Makes The Connection, all other messages stand by the wayside and wait…if God simply say’s “No sex before marriage” it isn’t because He doesn’t like us to have a good time (know what I mean?) it’s because He has a good reason….but no….we don’t listen, and like that, we’re either really sick (HIV, STD) or we’re really hurt (HS BF Jerk)….if God says, “Love one another” He isn’t saying it like Merrill says it to the kids in the back seat on long family trips…when he’s just about ready to pull over and kill them…..No God is saying, in our love for each other, there is protection….there is salvation….there is healing…..and so we don’t always have to know why….God or the doctor’s tell us to do something….Sometimes, like we tell our kids, it’s simply because, “I said so“…and so…now I know. Now I know why I can’t have sex (although kudos’ to the writer of this page that gave alternatives WOW), I know why I can’t run, I know why I should only walk a few feet….I KNOW ALL THIS, because I read it. When Faith Makes The Connection there is no turning back….once you know…..you know. You Know? So I gotta go. Taking it slow and easy. Slow and easy. Slow and easy…..but now I know why, and that makes it more important and easier to do. It is okay to just trust and have faith, but if you gotta know, like ME….The Bible (like Google) is always open. 24/7…for you. Read up on what God says about not listening to me…then let me know what He said….He’s not telling me. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

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