Tag: Man

Church Watch 2017

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Do You KNOW who I am?

 

Yeah, but how will they feel about Ronnie huh? They won’t like her a bit”. Merrill after leaving yet another church this morning.

Where is my DAUGHTER?!” The church misplaced Duchess

Church Watch 2017

I grew up around these people. Not in the literal sense, but in the figurative sense of being raised a Baptist. The Church we visited was an Independent Fundamental Baptist church, and as far as friendly goes, they’re in the lead. From the moment our car pulled up in parking lot, we were NOTICED….Trust that. Yet it wasn’t a bad notice, it was strangely refreshing. The other two churches we’ve visited almost acted like we were supposed to be there….I mean, I don’t think a handful of congregants even thought we were new. I get now how The World feels, expect I am not of the WORLD, I am…for all Intensive Purposes (I know) one of theirs. Church Watch 2017…I really liked this church. It’s too bad Merrill did not feel the same.

So they lost our daughter. At the end of service, when we all went outside into the wrath of God’s heat (It was 103 at noon ya’ll), one of the very friendly parishioners (the Youth Pastor) offered to walk with Merrill to go retrieve Duchess. Sweetness had already made himself at home on the BB court with the pastor’s son, but when Merrill and the Youth Director walked out, Duchess was nowhere to be found. No worries, she was probably walked over to the main building to meet with the outgoing worshippers….NOPE, not there either, and I don’t know if it was the HELL outside, or the fact that they LOST our daughter, I yelled to all gathered outside, (members and new visitors alike), “Where is my DAUGHTER?!”…..”Don’t worry, we’ll find her” the pastor’s wife offered, but even in that…there was little comfort. “We’ll FIND her? How did you LOSE her?” was my only response. In the end, the SS Teacher had merely switched classes…and there sat Duchess….as if her parents weren’t ready to kill….All’s Well that ends well….that’s what God always says….but it isn’t…..

And so, the message this am, well both of them, was ON POINT. This church, with its very friendly, if not absent-minded, fellowship was one of the more conservative sects of the Baptist branch. Yes, Rock and Roll is evil, Elvis had a dirty minded pelvis, and honestly, alcohol is of the devil, but those aren’t entirely deal breakers for me. Know what I mean? I felt comfortable in this church, because it’s the same Doctrine I grew up with. The issue lie, like Merrill said, in the knowledge that were they to find out about Ronnie, they’d have my ass in sling so fast it would make your head spin, and that’s because they lacked Grace. The Bible isn’t exactly liberal itself. God was very clear in His Will, wishes and demands, and yet, like Abe, God offers us compromise….He knows we’re going to screw up, like Paul said, “So what then? We sin more, to receive more Grace?“….No of course not, but this Church, with its on fleek teachings has no room for grey area, but it makes me question if that’s really the model we should follow? I’m willing to cut some slack for the Duchess debacle, because to Err is indeed Human….but if I were to put their teachings back onto them, I would not go back next week.

Even Christians have a hard time with the Bible, because there’s so much we either don’t understand, agree with, or simply don’t want to follow. Christ, in His infinite wisdom, tried to answer the question, “What do we do first?” in plain Red Text…”Love thy neighbor“….He told us, “No greater love has he, then the one who’d die for his brother” (I paraphrase), and so, while homosexuality, alcohol, cussing, some versions of sex, and thoughts may indeed be sin…the trick is to try….to keep trying to be the Christian God want’s you to be. I tried to do that….that’s all I’ve ever tried to show you, is that for me, I’m willing to err on the side of Grace, over the side of obedience. Like the snake story Trump pontificated numerous times on the campaign trail, I have been bitten…several times as a matter of face, but I’m HUMAN. I may give some of you the impression that God is like a BK, in which I can have the Doctrine my way, but all I ever tried to do, was show you that we…as The Brethren…screw up. I did like this church…it may be the first time in forever that I didn’t look at my phone while the preacher was giving some good preaching, but the conservative message, was missing the one small element of the Faith that I hold so dearly…The human element….They were wonderful people, very diverse, and had a genuine desire to serve and love God….but in the end, my deal breaker is, if you cannot love and accept Ronnie…as fault-filled and flawed as she is, I can’t fellowship with you, because this is Ronnie. I don’t know how to be any one else than what I am….and I adore that there are some, like Becky, who love and accept me for and as ME. I really miss RBC…they knew Ronnie, and loved her anyway. Church Watch 2017 continues….but this church was the best by far,….so maybe…we’re getting there. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

 

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I’m Batman

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“Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul to waste
And I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate”

 

I’ve spent the last few days mulling over the “racism” crises in this country, and while I could move past it and not say a word, I also have an obligation to write down what’s on my heart and mind. I am reminded of a scene in Batman, not the Clooney Batman, but the Bale Batman, in which the Joker had placed two boats in the harbor, and given each boat a set of explosives and a detonator. If boat A was willing to blow up boat B, boat A could be gifted their lives, and the inverse was true of boat B….Both boats, filled with people who were qualified to die, had a quandary on their hands and hearts. Could they, would they, be willing to kill hundreds of people they’d never met, for their lives and freedoms? All the while, the Joker could be heard on the intercom, mocking, excusing, fanning the flames of hatred….I’m Batman….well not really, but I wish he were here right now.

We did not start this fire. We didn’t. Racism, like the age-old elephant, has always been in the room….Each generation, and decade before likes to pat itself on the back and congratulate their leaders in the fight for equality of the races, but really, they never killed the beast, only allowed him to hide behind foolish pride and grandeur. The truth is, Racism, unlike any issue we’ve faced in the history of history, is not a thing, a feeling, an ideal, nor a platform, Racism is evil. Like the black veil spoken of in A Wrinkle In Time, it has always surrounded the earth, caressed it, fed it, nurtured it…mentored it! Racism, like Heaven, Hell, God and Satan has always existed, we just gave it different names. Racism, cannot be beaten, and it’s arrogant on our part to think we have the inside clue in how to eradicate this evil from our society….we can’t. We can beat it back, we can fight it, or we can do what others have done, and ignore it, but Racism in its purest form, is simply Satan dividing us…and why would he do that?

To answer that question, you have to accept this one small truth, we are all Children of a Living God and since the day of his casting out, Satan has sought to kill God’s children. Racism nails the very heart of God….it divides His children for no other reason, but the color of one’s skin. See, we are, as a people, powerful. Look at all the positives we’ve accomplished throughout history, and yet, we cannot eradicate Racism, because racism is predicated upon the seven deadliest of sins: Pride (being the most deadly), Greed, Lust, Wrath, Envy, Sloth and Gluttony…..Inside of each of our hearts, sits the small place no one wants to admit and for the most part, we are successful in controlling it, like a damp blanket on a hot fire, but in that small, dark space, sits the Joker…mocking us, taunting us, accusing us, and telling us that we deserve more…we deserve better….I’ve read the hatred in the chat rooms…..We don’t want to pay for drug addicts to live, we don’t want to pay for the needy to eat, we don’t want to pay for single mothers to go to college and we don’t want to do that because no one did it for us…it’s our PRIDE, but the Joker tells us it’s something else…

The writers of Batman, wanted to reflect something good in the people society sought to ignore….See, even in the heat of their fears, each boat finally understood that by killing the other boat, they might have saved their lives, but they would be no better than the god who compelled them to kill, and SO, friends I beseech of thee to…not…push…that…button. As righteous as you believe yourself to be, as correct as you think you’re coming, as RIGHT as you think you are….do not let hatred, in any form, cause you to hate your brother. My column isn’t going to end racism, but only help you see whose behind this crises…..All we can do now is protect and help those whom racism seeks to harm, and by doing that, we may have beaten the media….ahem…evil….another day. The Bible is clear in how we can fight racism….Love your neighbor as you love yourself, for skin color may vary, but the color of blood…the color of the heart remains the same.

So, I’m Batman….you be Batman….we’re all Batman….we have a choice….push the trigger and allow the Spirits of our neighbors to be killed, or sit down, and see what’s really going on. We cannot beat Racism, but we cannot listen to those whom seek to do us harm either. I am deleting anyone who seeks to fan the flames of my hatred….I’ve controlled my crazy well enough on my own, thank you, and be honest, a little bit of evil exists within us all. If it didn’t, racism wouldn’t exist. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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God Is Not Your Friend

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My Sunday Best

 

(Song at Church)

I am His Friend

I am His Friend

I am His Friend

I am His Friend

I am His CHILD“. Ronnie whispering to Merrill

Church “shopping” is a hard business. I mean, even with the Google search, you’re still walking in not knowing a thing about what a church believes, you’re at the mercy of the “greeter” and frankly, you’re never quite sure if you’re dressed appropriately or not. As Baptists, Merrill and I agreed with each other, that we’d keep an open mind, and try to let the Spirit of God tell us if this is where we belonged. They greeted us friendly enough, had several offering for the kids, and the music was pretty cool….but the opening Praise, (WHICH was so eloquently belted out by a band), had me leaning into Merrill and whispering, “That’s not right at all“….God is NOT your friend…..He isn’t….He is your loving Father….I might die for a few friends, but it’s my children, it’s my BABIES…I’d kill….and die for.

Let me just say that I was impressed with the congregation at the Fellowship. It was amazing to see them interacting and honestly interested with each other…… With the Charleston events so current and fresh in my mind, I looked around and saw black, white, latino, young, old, married, biker, single…all worshipping together. I mean, my heart skipped a beat when a biker gang member walked in, and went straight for an older African male, and hugged him…(BTW, an entire biker gang walked in, Bibles and all). A former gang member, with hands raised, walked up to the alter and kneeled in praise…It was endearing to watch the way everyone existed….it was an inclusive Fellowship, but was it God, or something else? Even with the sermon, I got the impression that the hard stuff of the Faith, had not yet been approached, nor discussed….Then it hit me, this was a “milk” church. Many weren’t quite ready for the meat and potato’s of the faith, that would eventually be required to grow.

So, God Is Not Your Friend, but I get why they did that. Many churches today, shy away from the more direct mandates of the faith. If a pastor began his sermon with, “Thou shall go to hell” how many would stay and listen? After all, some would prefer hell, to the judgmental attitudes of those in the brethren, so….I get it, I do. Also, some people, like me, had no real male role model, therefore, a loving Father in heaven, caring about a little pee on means nothing. I mean, where was HE, when I was suffering with my mess? No, it’s much easier to look upon God as a friend. We can walk and talk, we can laugh, but God you keep your opinions to yourself, I’ll ask for them, when I want them. What we want is a drinking buddy, a pal, someone who won’t talk back, unless asked. Yea, many want God to be like a radio station…we’ll jam Him when He’s good….turn Him down, when we don’t like His song. Truth is, the Bible talks over and over and over, about being a Sheppard (That I could have gotten behind), a vengeful wrath maker (still good), and a loving daddy, whose waiting for you, to come and fellowship with HIM….not each other. God isn’t my friend, I got friends….what I want…what I NEED is a Daddy. I suspect that’s what others need too…they just don’t know it yet. God gets that we didn’t have the best parental relationships….He can work with that…what we need NOT do, is shade the truth…to fit a life we came out of…..It’s the little things in Faith, that will trip you up, every time. As a Father, Brother, Sheppard and Deity, HE died…for his children, not for His friends, and I think that was my deal breaker. Friendly church, lots and lots of programs, an inclusive….come-as-you-are Fellowship……but He is not my friend, He is not anyone’s friend….He’s my Daddy….He died for me, because I am His child….and I think I’ll leave it right here. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

 

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Talk Dirty To Me

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He’s still a cutie“…Ronnie remarking on the 20th anniversary of “Boogie Nights” with Mark Wahlberg

 

Little Sisters, feel free to write this down…..A man with confidence, gets away with much…. I met Merrill in 1993, when he was a young skater GI, with an ear-ring, bandana, and a green grunge shirt, that I STILL wear to this day. He was an adorable baby faced cutie, who could make me swoon with one look. I remember someone said to me, “I’ve never seen you like this with any man”….I loved his confidence. Like the way he walked up to me and introduced himself by saying, “Do you want to thumb wrestle?” (Yes…yes I did). He didn’t fake it, like most guys that age…. I’m still wrestling his thumb…Talk Dirty To Me.….I love it when a man is really cute, but I love it more when he’s really smart…….

In a conversation about my friends and their sexual ideals (Don’t Judge Me) I mentioned to Merrill that some of my friends aren’t so interested in IT anymore….I mean, they’re in our 40’s….I dunno, are we supposed to not want it anymore? He looked thoughtful for a moment, and said, “Well, they don’t have YOU“….Ohhh, that’s some smooth operator mess right there, but he’s always been that way. Even after I throw stuff at his head, he can still make me laugh, and want him….He sent me a text yesterday that simply said, “Looking forward to this weekend with you” and I just melted….because he made this weekend happen for me….and I too…am looking forward to being with him… Sex, a subject we don’t nearly talk about enough, isn’t just physical….it’s a dance….an act between two people, who know how to tango….part of that…is CONFIDENCE….Merrill never was the one who stood to the side at the Jr. High Dance…he always knew what he wanted…and how to Thumb Wrestle to get it.

It’s the 20th Anniversary of Boogie Nights, and it’s star Marky-Mark, may be older but he’s still sexy as hell….Coming of age in the 90’s he was so damned self-assured and confident…enough so, that he named his book after his Special Guy….Now he’s a daddy, husband, producer, and grown up, but if I met him, I’d for sure swoon…that’s the thing about confidence….it’s sexy at any age. I think Merrill could still have any woman he wants…but he wants me…and that’s enough to make me want him….Confidence…I know he can take me by the hand, and lead me, through whatever life tosses at us, even if he makes me so mad I wanted to punch him in the face..Little Sisters, don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t know what they want, get yourself a man who knows himself enough to let you be yourself…….That’s HOT. I’m just saying. Gotta go…Derby Prep begins today and it starts with an morning weave…I can’t wait to see it…I can’t wait to spend the weekend with him….Talk Dirty To Me….yes well, part of the appeal is knowing what to say, and when to say it. I don’t think he’s every stuttered in his word, and trust me, he’s said some mess to me, that’s made me blush….He’s the only one who can do that….alone makes me blush….LOL, get a confident man, not insecure boy….your life…will be….much better for it. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.

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End Times

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Remember the scene at the end of Total Recall, where their faces distort, they eyes bulge, and heads explode? Yep, they looked like that. People get possessed at the mere mention of Christ. It’s weird.” Ronnie explaining the frenzy of the Christ haters.

 

If you’re not a Christ hater, this status isn’t for you, and if you step to me, I’ll end you. I don’t care that that’s hateful, my patience like the Illuminite, is nonexistant. I know that Jesus said we were supposed to go into the world and preach the good news, but I’m finding it harder and harder to love others enough to share His story. Yes, we’re suppose to pursue, but DAMN, some make it hard. I mean, come on, is there really anyone out there that doesn’t know about Jesus, and his dad God? Seems to me, that in the age of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snap we’ve saturated the market pretty well with the Trinity, so for anyone to still hate them, is well, up to them. I was caught in a place of great amusement when I read the Jesus haters immediately jump onto my status, about the End Times, as if they were rapid dogs smelling blood….I suppose they did smell blood, but not mine. I learned a long time ago, that trolls get their jolly’s by intimidation…how do you think I sharpen my skills, but it does prove another end times principal, “We will hate each other, like the dogs of Jerricho”…and while it doesn’t say that exactly, it’s close. End Times.…There’s still time to hate Christ, but there’s also time to know him….it’s your coin flip….not mine.

So, Easter is past, we had a great time, but the holiday has lost some of its glitz. I guess that’s offensive, but so what? We feed the hatred every time we engage in a pissing contest with those who don’t believe, and isn’t that the great part about this country anyway…that they don’t have to believe? Look, if you don’t want a relationship with Christ, He will not force Himself upon you, and neither will I. Truth is, if God wanted you to follow Him, you WOULD. Don’t get this sh*t twisted, it’s only because He wanted a loving father/son/daughter relationship that He doesn’t smite the crap outta us every time we utter the “F” word (thank you Jesus), but I’ll be honest, if you’re a friend, you know where I stand on Christ….I don’t hate you, belittle you, begrudge you, nor deny you anything of myself for not being a believer, however, there are some rules here. Whereas I accept you as you are, I am not going to allow you to mock me, for whom I am….that mess ended yesterday….

Reading through the hateful trolls, and media baiters, I remembered the other posts by “friends”, whom mocked my faith. You cannot be a friend, and mock me. I guess I had sorta overlooked that little friendship principal. I stopped accepting friend requests a long time ago, so it’s not like I’m collecting friends…I dunno why I allowed it for so long…My struggle is real…there is a balance between accepting someone for whom they are, and accepting them for what they do…..I’m okay if you don’t want to follow Jesus….really, I won’t force that, but you will not mock me either…dig? When one sits idly by, and allows other to mock their believes…all in the name of appearing hip and tolerant….they in essence allow the slander of their persona….and THAT…is personal humiliation. I do my best according to His perfect Will, and I fail, doesn’t mean Christ is bad, it means I’m human. So I’m not a bible thumper, but I am a believer. If that is too hard for some of you to accept, it’s best we part ways now, before I sin. End Times, LOL, well THAT began 2017 years ago. Maybe there is a God, and maybe there isn’t, but in the end, I’m going err on the side of great caution. I’ve seen prayer work…I’ve experienced the great power of God…and yes, I realize that causes some of you great gnashing of the teeth, but suck it, this is my horse….you don’t like it, leave me, and go start your own thread. I don’t care…anymore. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With you r Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

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I Don’t Judge

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Um, I don’t think so. Maybe 25 years ago” Ronnie seeing a Friends Request on FB.

I KNOW I come off as Judgmental, but I’m not. Now that’s in an all things equal case. If you proudly display your pedophile colors on FB and I come across it, I AM going to judge you, then find a way to reach you, to beat your ass. If you don’t like THAT, you’re not the type of friend I want. The rape and molestation of a child is wrong…THAT’S judging….but there are other area’s….area’s in which I struggle to submit to what my Faith teaches and what my inner sense tells me is right. Good Intentions are slightly misleading, but there’s got to be SOME dispensation for them. Sigh…I Don’t Judge….I KNOW it reads as I do…but it’s just my reactions to things I see in society….LOL, I KNOW this will bring out some of my debaters.

Christ (not preaching…just stick with me here) hung around with all kinds of people, a fact Merrill reminded me of yesterday afternoon. I had said to him, “I wish Jesus had ministered to other faiths”….”Um, He DID” Merrill began, “Did you forget the Romans?”…and indeed I had. Christ did minister to the Romans, the authority of the day….He ministered to the Samaritans; which as a digression, worshiped a slightly different leaning theology from Judaism. So, in essence, Christ did do, what He wants US to do, but there is a fine line here……what If I’m wrong? I struggle because I’m not sure if what I’m doing is in accordance with, nor to the pleasure of, God. I have friends whom are not Followers of the Faith…is that okay? I pray for people not of the Faith…is that okay? I have people not of the Faith think nice things about me (LOL)….is that okay? I think it probably is…but then there are other thoughts and interactions I have that my Brethren would probably not think is okay…Gay Marriage…a big one….Medical Marijuana another….So, do I disappoint God? I KNOW He said His Yoke was light, but maybe only for those He considers perfect.

“Screw this. I’m going to do my best to do what’s right, and just try to be the person Christ died for” I said to Merrill. That means, all those rules the Jews had to follow to be saved, I don’t. All the traditions, the prayers, the sacrifices, the accordances “they” had to follow….I don’t. I may very well be wrong in what I say or do, I may trip, fall, break my nose, but there’s Grace…whereas there wasn’t Grace before. So, back to the friend request I got this morning. It was from the Promoter of a All-Male Review coming to the Danville area. I looked at his page, saw the guys ( I mean they WERE cute), and said to myself, “I’m either old, or really satisfied, because this so does not appeal to me”. I’m not judging anyone whom attends the Review, because I’ve been to a few, back in the day when I kicked up some dirt in Columbus Ga….no….I Don’t Judge….that may be an age thing….I’m actually a Gracious person, when I’m in a good mood, and frankly, that’s no different from you. All I know is that as long we keep growing, questioning, giving, and loving we are doing what we are mandated to do. Christ set the example….He interacted, He loved, He ministered to all kinds of Faiths….some followed, some didn’t….but He didn’t seclude, nor set Himself apart in Judgment. So, all you whom do not believe in my Christ….I’m still gonna be your friend, I’m still gonna love you, I’m still gonna pray for you when you ask me too…..I don’t agree….nor disagree….with how you live your life, because that’s between you…and your God when the time comes….unless you’re a Pedophile…and then I do judge…..not because I’m a fault-filled Christian….but because you are my kryptonite….and I will destroy you if I come across you….Remember I only Follow Him….I am NOT Him…you should know the difference. Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE The Example. Be KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday…..

 

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When I Become An Atheist

cropped-13920248_1074017052634680_5186215959315313423_o.jpgYou ARE you’re own destiny“….A book on Branding I was reading….

So Duchess is sick. Not the usual ‘cough, cough’ sick, but the fading of her voice, constant sneezing (that’s new), and the fever that has been her constant side-kick for a few days. It’s made life a little more complicated around here, BUT that is the Team MVP norm. Complication is good, lets me know things are going to be okay….Sweetness went back to school this am, with a Guardian to watch over him…not The Guardian, that is Christ, but the Guardian of the Bus Stop…a project started with my son..what..like 2 yrs ago? So the more normal life becomes, the more afraid I become…and I doubt…..When I Become An Atheist….I think we all doubt, the trick is not to become too doubtful…..It is a trap.

Doubt is good. The human life was meant to live, learn, grow and experience. Frankly, God The Father does not mind doubt. He understands that our brains were not created (after all HE created them) to just take all things at face value…He didn’t want face value…we’d bend to every trick in the book…I mean, even though we were to come unto Him as children, children doubt, (they’re smart see?), and some children like Duchess and myself, have to really experience “stuff”….to believe stuff..He gets it. See, doubt saves us from the boogy man, doubt prevents us from giving all our money over to Nigerian Princes, doubt turns BS to truth, and doubt stops us from being made fools of….A little bit of doubt, like music, is good for the soul. The trick is not to let doubt overcome you, and paralyze your ability to LIVE your life. Doubt is quicksand, the more we wade into it, the more we’re sucked in by it…

I get why the nation of Israel was punished so severely. I mean, here they were in Egypt, miserable slaves, and Moses comes along, frees them, leads them across the Red Sea, parts it, kills Pharaoh, then leads them to the border of the Promised Land, He gives them Manna….I don’t even know what MANNA is…but He GAVE it to them. Sorry, I digressed. We read Exodus then think to ourselves, “For all He did…How the hell could they doubt Him?”….ahhh, but we do it….We look at others sins then pat ourselves on the back, because it wasn’t our sin….I did not digress. I was driving, and for a quick moment in time I allowed my mind to wander….”What if there really is no God?”…I mean, even for a Christian, it is a LEGIT question. Faith, is not a blind quest….I mean, a SPIRIT…REALLY? And in an instant….I became the Wandering Jew…..God understands that for us His existence is a hard concept to grasp… Faith is the belief, even though the evidence, is not there..YET! When I Become An Atheist, I have to balance doubt with Faith and Gratitude because some real sh*t has gone down in my life, and the deliverance is too much to just be coincidence. Am I saving souls? No…Am I out there proving to ya’ll that God does exist? No….Am I up on the stage, denouncing Gays, and Wiccan’s and all other faiths not of my own? No….Am I healing, leading, planting and growing? No…but I’d like to think that my gift, is in my ability to be real with you…..My hope is you see my struggle and understand that Christians struggle..do not write off our Father, because our actions are ungrateful…We’ll get ours…believe that. When I Become An Atheist….I too doubt, but I don’t dwell on it…it’s a trap. If you find yourself trapped, call me, I have a rope, a wing and prayer. I’d be glad to share then with you. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday.

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I Know

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Sure, I’ll go” Ronnie agreeing to go to Champaign.

My on again, off again husband (Merrill) and I are going to Champaign today to do some Christmas shopping. I dunno, I mean, I guess. See, the Spirit of Christmas hasn’t quite returned to me yet, so I’ll go through the motions, hoping that if I do it long enough, like sex, I’ll feel good about it. I’m not hating on the season. In years past, I loved this season. I guess there’s just been too much baggage on my soul, and like I wrote the other day, it wasn’t going to get better right away. Some things take time, patience, and luck. I KNOW….at least take a moment to get to know me, before you judge me.

I love Christmas…The feeling to WANT to celebrate may still come upon me…but I’ll go along with the motions, for now, and pray for Grace. I know that we celebrate the birth of our Savior, I know that He was the greatest gift given to man, and I know that Oh Holy Night is the greatest song ever written, but to KNOW something is not the same as to FEEL something. It’s just going to take some time this year, to get me back to a place of security….I’ll never again be, where I was the Day Before, but maybe at some point, I’ll be able to release my breath….and who knows, maybe I’ll be able to walk out the door without telling him to text me every hour, on the hour. When security is missing, all kinds of nefarious feelings come to the surface, like pimple bacteria, and what we need to do…is wait it out….well some need help….others need to wait it out.

When Duchess had her seizures, you all had to sit and wait for me to work through it…remember? This is no different. I’ve sat back and watched good friends, work through their fears and griefs. That’s what friends do…I’m reminded of the story of Job, and how he lost it all…only to have his friends join him on the hill, for seven days, and say nothing. His wife advised him to curse God, but I won’t do that. I honor God because we could be talking about a whole different situation now. I will sit, upon this hill with my friends, and await a word….a calling….a spark that will let me know I can safely celebrate this season. Until then, I’ll go to Champaign, but it won’t be there for me, and I admit that through some tears. I just don’t know…what I would ever do without him….but I also don’t know how to get this fog off my soul. I guess this is what’s meant to, “Wait upon the Lord”…..I get it Jesus….I get it. Gotta go, I see a Guardian. They do make me smile..maybe it’s going to be the little things that get me back into the saddle. I may be Veronica Philips bitches, but I’m also human….I know…I know…you all already knew that about me. Sigh. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Friday.

 

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I Don’t Know

He's Just a Baby Christian....
He’s Just a Baby Christian….

“I don’t know Buddy. I just don’t know”. Ronnie answering her son Sweetness, when asked why God lets babies die.

There’s always two answers to every question. The simple answer, which more often than not just brushes off the concerns, and the complicate answer no one wants to hear….it isn’t that we don’t care….quite the inverse, we care very much…it’s just that telling someone that due to “Sin is in the world, man has free will” really does MORE harm…than good if they’re not ready to hear it….because even I don’t get it….I DON’T KNOW….9 times out of 10…people will respect you if you’re just honest…the “Thou Art blessed…etc, etc” is way over their heads…Guess I’m just nervous about my son’s decision to follow Jesus, and how hard his life will now be. Sigh.

I don’t know why God allows babies to die. Don’t you think I’ve dissected that question myself? Don’t you think it’s led me to question the very existence of God? Don’t you think my heart, as an Empath, and a fellow human being, has MOURNED and GRIEVED the loss of the children in this world? Does that comfort you? Maybe not, but it means that I’m a human being just like anyone else…it means that even though I may be of the Faith, I am still your sister in this World….it means, that I feel what you feel….I am not spared the evil, ugliness in life….Truth is, my son has now chosen to allow Christ into his life, to follow His teachings, to make a public profession of an inner commitment….do you think Satan is happy with that? Not at all because my son will bring power to this world…he’s just not aware of his gifts yet. I’m scared because as the Light is taken and the world becomes dark, my son…will be considered a light…let’s ponder that implication….shall we?

God gets a bad reputation, just like the political commercials out right now, only 1/2 of the information is being given….”God lets babies die”…”God let me lose my job” and I’m here screaming….”That’s NOT TRUE”…..Sheesh, political commercials are of the DEVIL….God is not the author of our bad choices, or the bad choices of others, what God is is the architect of the plan…our lives have a Care Plan….God is the Administrator….we make choices outside the plan, He modifies it…get it? We make the choices…He changes the plan, that’s a 2nd chance…My son will now be swiftly educated and not all of it will be politically correct….like the day he was told that Trump eats the hearts of kittens….yep, that took a Will not to laugh, a restraint not to call those parents….He will start to see, Sigh, that Cancer, car crashes, accidents, Free Will of another…Political Ads…..are not of God’s choosing…..I Don’t Know means I don’t know….Watch over my baby Father, he belongs to you now…do you have any idea the faith and trust required to hand him over? Yes, I suppose…you do…(mommy tear). Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

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I’m Not Having Sex Everyday

Remember Them?
Remember Them?

“You gotta read this!” Merrill

As a well-trained Marriage Counselor, I was interested to read the article that Merrill slid over to me yesterday. The article was titled, “My Husband and I Had Sex For a Year”….well, I’m not having that much chocolate milk, it’s bad for your teeth, but it was a good read. The woman whom wrote the article was feeling bad about her body, after seeing it one day while getting out of the shower, so after making the pledge to NEVER be naked again, she had an epiphany….She would ask her husband how he felt about having sex with her every day, rain or shine, for a year. Being a good man, and loving his wife, he felt like anything that would help her, he’d be willing to do (right). Personally I just go to the gym, but hey, I don’t judge. So every day…..every day….they had Nesquick. At first it was hard (stop) because it was like a chore, but eventually, she began to open up and appreciate and enjoy their sexuality….then the feelings toward her own body began to change….she began to feel sexy again….I get that…I do, but I’m Not Having Sex Everyday……although I do feel better after chocolate milk too….and before you report me….follow me here….In theory, her experiment works, so I’m hip….

Our bodies were created to be the perfect Temple of God, but we don’t have to be religious for the principal to apply equally. Just because we’re followers of Christ, doesn’t mean we have the better sex…I feel like we don’t talk about it enough really…. I admit I can be crass about Nesquick, but that’s because it’s sooooo perfect…we tease that which we love. Women my age are not supposed to be “sexual” but sex was meant to be an extended-released capsule, meaning as we understand more about our sexuality, the sex gets better….See, in addition to the diamond, God gave us sex as a reminder that when the two come together, they shall be one. Sex is not a game, weapon, a toy….it goes deeper than that….it’s beyond the simple, “She’s a got a nice ass”; (which I do, just saying) sex is…..a connection…..a bond….a DRUG….Feeling shameful of her body after two children, the author of the story needed to be reminded that bodies do fade, but the deeper, personal connection of him with her…like the diamond….was forever. She didn’t have sex to save her marriage, to keep hubby happy, nor to even keep his eye from wandering (although…it did accomplish all three)….she had sex, every day, because she needed to be reminded that she was a sensual being, capable of sharing and enjoying her body….

Sex is like pizza, in that when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good, but it was never intended to be a Papa John’s delivery item. Procreation is one thing, but when a man and a wife become one person, the effects are stronger than…um…Pot? I’ll get reported if I go too far into it, but honestly, you’ve never relaxed….then had the munchies after Nesquick? I’ve eaten more bowls of cereal in bed then my kids do on Sat am…..Don’t Judge Me…you’ve done it too. In Nesquick, the Wonder Twin power activates, and Satan has no power. Why do you think Paul said to…come together, lest ye be tempted? Even Paul, PAUL YA’LL…recognized the power in sex! So I guess it is a weapon…..a Spiritual weapon….I can see it now, RBC welcomes Veronica Philips and her 6wk study of SEX….and the Devil….it could happen.

When Merrill and Ronnie "meet".
When Merrill and Ronnie “meet”.

At the end of one year of….the author had lost 20lbs, was able to discontinue hypertension medications, loved herself, loved her husband, and had a deeper connection with both. Hmm, NOW, I’m a fan of sex, you know this, but I’m Not Having Sex Everyday for a year…..Goodness, the quota Merrill gave me is complicated enough…….but what I am saying is, in the Spiritual, two souls are better than one….Have you seen my kids? Then you know what happens when Merrill and I come together…..I keep repeating it because she’s way more of a woman than I, but again, I’m not having sex every day….Kuddo’s to her. Merrill feels that maybe we should give it a try….he’s been feeling “not so close, and ‘insecure'” lately…Whateves! Gotta go…super busy day. I CAN do all things through Christ….this is true, but there’s quite a bit I can do through Merrill as well……I love them both so much….Merrill loves my body, and reminds me constantly that I’m still a sexual and sensual being…Little Sisters you don’t get this yet, but you will, and when you do…..You’re welcome…..Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, excuse me, here comes Merrill…..Be Blessed.

A copy of the article can be found here: http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a40163/sex-with-my-husband-every-day-for-a-year/

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