“She was thinking of you“…Merrill
“Everyone thinks of me, and it’s an amazing feeling to be thought well of…instead of hiding in fear“….Ronnie and Merrill discussing a text a friend sent.
It is TRUE, that to be thought of well, is by far better than to be the target of evil gossip! I only WISH I was Ronnie back then….Today, I’ll beat your ass, and I MEAN it…I’ll…beat….your….ass! Yesteryear, it was all I could do to keep my head up…even if a bully never touches you, it’s still a metaphoric blow, by blow to the head…it crushes your spirit…kills your soul…..YET even in all that….I didn’t learn my greatest lesson. In this life, you will have achieved final enlightenment, when you can honestly admit that you don’t know JACK. If you have problems admitting that, simply enroll in Nursing School, where they will be all too happy (a little too happy me thinks) to disavow you of the notion that you…are educated. Add that to a girl who brings emotional baggage to the table, and you will find yourself in the front row of a classic battle of Good vs. Mediocre. Hmm, Mediocre…I like it.
For as long as our relationship has been in existence, Merrill has said to me, “You’re always so guarded“. You might be asking yourself why, or how I could possible be so guarded with the man I have shared EVERYTHING with, for the last (almost) quarter century. My simple answer is, “I don’t know”….God help me…I don’t know. It isn’t as if he doesn’t know my secrets, but anything that makes me appear weak, (Hallmark commercials, Old Yeller, Charlotte’s Web), I hold back. I mean, the only way he’s (or you’ll) ever seen me cry is if the dam to my soul breaks….There are abscesses in my soul. Places that holds the rotting food, where the deepest darkest secrets of my life are hidden… I wish I was exaggerating, but just let it be understood, that even in my dysfunction, I cannot be, I will not be…Medorcre, so even my dysfunction isn’t the mundane kind. Well, go big, or go home..that’s what I never say.
Wait! Am I being self-righteous? Yes…yes I am, but understand that I learned a long time ago that only the wounded, can lead the wounded. Only the broken can lead the broken, so if I tell you I am of the Nobility….The Countess of Chaos, Baroness of Brokeness, the Duchess of Dysfunction, the Princess of Picadillo’s, I do so to let you know I know where you are, and I know how to move you forward. No one was meant for mediocrity….for in mediocrity you’re not really living, not really dying….and I may be Bat Sh*t Crazy, but even I know that’s no way to life your life. Nursing School has taught me that you’re either hot, or cold…you cannot be lukewarm, or you will FAIL….I suppose that’s a good thing, have you ever met a Nurse that hates her job? I don’t get that….they destroy you, then rebuild you. You go through all that hell to hate your job? No thank you. I do have to go. Final tomorrow, and I’ll spend the rest of this day crying. It’s not so bad. When you struggle to be Good over Mediocre, Great isn’t too far behind. Well, here’s to me…and those like me…may we all let our guard down a little bit today….life was meant for living…who knows, one day, maybe in your brokenness, you’ll show someone else how to heal their wounds…and in the end…that’s what life is all about. Helping other’s get through theirs…Be Blessed.
Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday. Duchesses show and tell day 🙂