Tag: relationships

Adult Education

This is pretty sexy
This is pretty sexy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Say it!

I’m totally head over heals in love with you, and I love being a father to our children

Proceed

Adult Education.

The dog, does not come off this throne easily. A long time ago, when his fat ass was just still a puppy, we’d put him in the bed with us, and let him whimper himself to sleep. Over the years, and because he wasn’t an incredible bed hog, we let him stay, so that now, the bottom half the bed is filled with the furry goodness we like to call Tuck. Truth is, when Merrill isn’t in town, and the kiddo’s are nestled up beside me, his fat, snoring self is quite assuring. He’s ten now, and so far into his nightly entitlements, that to try to gently shoo him from the foot of the bed, usually brings about great growling and gnashing of his big, dog fangs, but the one truth that’s remained steadfast in our history with Tuck, is that whether you come, stay, lay or pray, he doesn’t care what you do on the bed, as long as you leave his outwardly expanding space alone. Adult Education….the married life may not be romantic, but sexy is now a man you can call the father of your children, and soul mate.

I find hubby amazingly sexy. Is that wrong? I mean, for almost a quarter of a century, I have been with, lived with, ate with, and raised children with the very same man, who back when he was 19, adorably asked me if I wanted to thumb wrestle. I can honestly say, with a certain degree of certainly, that I loved him, the moment I saw him, but we’re now one-fourth of the way through the 100’s together, and I look into his deep blue eyes, and still feel that tingle that drew me to him oh so many years ago. Well, that or indigestion, but what’s sexy to me now, wasn’t sexy to me then. Now, if he’s rolling around the ground with the kids, or helping them with homework, a hormone, one of the precious few I have left, will start to tingle, and then, I’ll feel the desire to jump his bones….but if he hasn’t done any that stuff, or won’t put on a freaking bandana for me, his DANCE becomes a gamble of sorts. He can spin that Roulette Table, but I can’t guarantee him any winnings:

  • Touch on the lower back…NOPE, she jerked away….
  • Touch on the lower back…..she hasn’t moved…..maybe….
  • Moves fingers around more….still not rebutting advances….looking good
  • Moving in closer….not rebutting…BUT not moving….She’s asleep…Do NOT wake her UP!
  • Kiss on the neck…she’s moving, but not screaming….looking good.
  • Blowing HOT breath in her ear…..”NO!”….

I’m not some prude that goes to bed in curlers and a full-length, flannel gown. I mean I KNOW what I have…. the problem is that unlike our past glory days where our passion would take ANYWHERE/ANY TIME, we are parents now, with children whom possess acute c*ckblocking abilities, therefore, married passion, mandates that we either become creative James Bond type lovers, or we wait until after the little crumb snatchers go to bed, in which case, we’re so tired trying to outwit them, we sleep too. Adult Education is trying to navigate Nesquick with a 80lbs fat ass on the bed, moving and weaving between babies that had “bad dreams”, trying to keep your flesh awake (the Spirit is willing) so that you can spend some personal time rewarding your spouse for helping your son do his homework, not wanting to turn off Law and Order, a show you’ve seen a thousand times, because you’ve had a bad day too…When you were young and in love, any surface would do, but now that you’re older and you’ve transversed the world together, LIFE, mandates that you now be creative, instead of impulsive, and be honest….the preschooler will only watch so much Toy Story 3, before she goes looking for YOU!….Adult Education, it’s what they don’t teach you in relationship class that will kill your bond, if you let it….Find time to be with your partner, your equal, your soul-mate….even if…the dog (and now), the cat, has to watch. Achoo….Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.

 

 

 

 

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Lifestyle Columnist

 

You know that Louis Vuitton is a fake right?
You know that Louis Vuitton is a fake right?

 

I’d like to see you today when you pick up your daughter” Teacher

I’m not getting her, she’s going to STARS“….Ronnie

Well, I’d like to see you anyway“…Teacher

Damn!

If ever hired for my “expertise” I could comfortably speak on such subjects like: The #momlife, Relationships, Going back to college, and maybe I could fit in a thing or two about fitness, and sex. My Publicist asked me to sum up my column in just one word. The intention being making me think about my niche. I thought about it for a few days, grabbed some branding books Merrill bought me for Christmas, put them down, then decided to forgo all that for this one small description….”Lifestyle“….I haven’t yet been to prison, I haven’t hosted parties for the rich and famous, I’m not gay, nor am I a celebrity….but I am cute, rude, mouthy, and tough….I am Ronnie, and I’m a Lifestyle Columnist…..Hmm, Lifestyle Columnist? I like it!

For me, it isn’t about hosting virtual children’s parties like I see the Big Dogs do on Twitter, I don’t model clothing yet….and honestly, I don’t get paid to open clubs, although, that does sound cool. No, what I do, is take the everyday, mundane aspects of life, and try to create interesting content out of them, because that’s what life is….a challenge in which we find our own points of interest. Sure, I’d like to get paid to recommend a product, I’d like to be noticed for my on fleck make-up pointers, but mostly, I’m a big girl in an even bigger world and while Carrie Bradshaw will always be my inspiration, contrary to what you all believe, I’m not a Sex Writer….I mean, I could….I’ve had sex….But I don’t have four close friends that are ho’s…..Here’s my point….

I don’t have to be all the aforementioned personalities, because I know once you see my name on a post, you’re gonna read it. I have earned your following… What I haven’t done is figure out a way to capitalize on it, because as we all know, Lifestyle Columnists are a dime a dozen. Where we miss the credit, is that what we write is relatable, after all, how many of you have seen the Mommy Monsters on social media and thought, “Oh God No“? I have…I am not hosting a children’s party for 10 that involves squeezing, making then freezing organic goods so that my kid can have a cold snack. I’m not that kind of mom. I do not wear athletic clothing as a fashion statement, I do not speak in soft tones to my children to correct them, I do not romance up the bedroom to show my man I’m in the mood. If I’m in the mood, I’ll put on a sheer dress instead of an oversized tee-shirt to bed. You feel me?

Lifestyle Columnists are the Betty’s of society….we are the one’s all you Archie’s want to see when you’re feeling down, or just want a laugh. We are the one’s who WILL tell you like it is, rather than sell you what you don’t need. When you read me, you know that honesty, at all costs, will be forthcoming. You know the chances of reading a potty word are great, you know that I may talk about jumping Merrill’s bones, you KNOW that there is a chance that I’m going to talk about the boogers in my NOSE. So friends, while I may never make a fortune selling you products you don’t need, if I like a product, you’re gonna know it. If I like an article, I’m going to share it, If I like or dislike a person….you’ll know, and you’ll know it because…..I’m a Lifestyle Columnist who just happens to be a mom, housewife, nurse, friend, and part-time Merrill tease. My life, is your fodder, and I’ve written that before. I appreciate your support….I appreciate your friendship, but most importantly, I appreciate your trust in me…Girl’s gotta eat….Gotta go, I’ll let you know how the meeting with Duchess’s teacher ends, but don’t hold your breath on me being nice about it, but you can expect that I’m going to write about it, and be honest about what went down. My kids aren’t perfect….That’s the difference between us all. I don’t pretend to have the perfect life, just the best life….Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Friday.

 

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Nesquick

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I don’t want to ask this question on your page, but what is Nesquick?” Friend

Sex. It’s sex” Ronnie

 

About once a quarter, I have to explain to someone what Nesquick ‘is’. I told the aforementioned friend, that I would use her question as part of my column, but that I wouldn’t use her name, because Nesquick can be a bit of a tricky subject. When I mention sex to strangers, they squirm and make like they’re calling for help. I don’t get it….but I do. I don’t think we discuss “it” enough, and why we call “it’ “IT” I have no idea. It’s like calling Merrill “man” and saying it in that dirty whisper that people reserve for the word Cancer. The church, and society have failed to bring up and teach good, healthy discussions of sex. It’s ironic, because the Bible tells many wonderful and many dysfunctional stories of what happens when powerful men have sex….it’s kinda dirty! When you consider the potential for harm, one would think that we’d want more out there than just, “Wrap it up kids“. There was a youth pastor that would teach, “In the backseat of a car, pretend Jesus is there“….that’s creepy, and it doesn’t help as much as you’d think. Nay, God intended Nesquick to be a diamond among simple gems…Back in the day, MD’s routinely prescribed Nesquick for women they considered hysterical…I..am…HYSTERICAL!…….Nesquick…..what? what? Holla at your girl.

I have to leave for my 6wk follow-up with the man who stole my uterus. 6wks ago. Doesn’t seem like long time, but it’s a life time in sex years. If my abstinence were dog years, It’d be 500 years since I’ve done the deed. How many more years did he think I had left in me? I mean, I’m no spring chicken, and I need the extra energy to run away from Merrill every time he gets that look in his eye…and I like running from him….At the lunch table yesterday, (and because that’s how we roll) the discussion came up about men having babies in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s….can you imagine? When I asked, “How do they chase after the toddlers?” Merrill responded, “They don’t“…..The greater cruelty is that men get to make babies until the day they die…they can literally have sex, until it falls off, while women have to endure horrifying procedures….to not have babies….and ours doesn’t fall off……from what I hear, it closes up, if not used…and yes, that’s dirty. Report me!

Sex is natural, healthy, beautiful and frankly, amazing, but like any “gift” it can be abused. A lot of light has been shed in my home state regarding the sex trade, and girls brought over from Asia to please dirty old men. I don’t like dirty old men, and take every opportunity to crush their spirits….Some men associate sex with power; hence the expression “Behind every good man, is a better woman“. I respect that my sex, has figured out a way to control the male species with their female wiles….Yes, I figured it out too…..but that’s another discussion for another day. Nesquick, when correct, creates moments of beauty that far, far surpass any other experience on earth…it’s like you’re flying to heaven and touching the very face of GOD, and many of you are thinking, “Is she serious?“….YES! Yes I am, and you gotta get yourself a Merrill…..So, I am compelled to sing the praises of Nesquick, but I’m not sure which came first….(NOOOO), the experience or the relationship? Meaning did my love for Merrill make the sex, or did sex make my love for Merrill? Well… what do YOU think? Gotta go… SEX, Newsquick, “It” and all the other things Merrill calls it…..We don’t talk about it enough. I wish we did, because I could teach you some things, but you’d judge me so fast, it’d make your and my head spin. I’m soooooo ready to be allowed to do things again…lets see if the MD agrees. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

 

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Connected

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Me– This reminds me of that TV show…

Him– Which one?

Me– (Singing) Tiny…..

Him– Weeds. I know. It does me too

Several years ago, Merrill and I were sitting in his father’s living room, with the entire family (there are like 25 of us) watching the Super Bowl, or a Bears Game or something…..I looked over at my husband and asked, “Hey, who’s that guy in that movie we watched?” Without skipping a beat he said, “Danny Glover” and went back to watching the game….his brother, turned to his wife and said, “That’s what I WANT for US!”….Connected…..the two sides much push together, as much as they pull away.

So I hate flying. Never made it a secret that once I get on that plane, my Crazy becomes like a caged cat. It’s because I’m conflicted….Merrill, (ya know the PhD in Psychology), seems to think it’s my issues with control, but I’m not so sure….See, my internal workings, are much like the time Merrill once took a picture of himself standing in Durbin S. Africa with his right leg in the Atlantic, and the left leg in the Indiana Ocean….If you look at the picture, you can almost see the two oceans fight to become one…that is “convergence”. Both oceans are equally powerful, both equally matched, they push together, as much as they pull apart. It’s a tumultuous relationship, and a majesty to watch……neither one, can best the others…..my internal Crazy, on the plane, is where the need to control, meets the need to be secure…..see where I’m going here?

And so it stands to reason that the two come together to be one flesh. Except that, like a custody agreement, every nuance must be negotiated. I don’t care what any pastor, priest, madman or hooker tells you, the trick to a happy relationship is converging the two crazies, that is, interweaving the personalities, and making the two push together, as much as they pull apart. You will not find happiness in any relationship in which the other, is not an equal. Merrill and I fight just like the two oceans, because we are both worthy foes….Yes, we can read each others minds, and we do that annoying thing couples do when they finish the other’s sentences, but we are, in every way, equal…and like the oceans pictured above, in order to win an argument….one must make the effort to find common ground with the other, otherwise, we have a true stalemate….that Facebook has to settle. Connected…you have to ask yourself if the person you’re with, is worth the time it takes to knit the persona’s, because seriously, if not, don’t have babies with that person, don’t move in with it, don’t invest any more time….you’ll only hurt EVERYONE, when it doesn’t work out. So, I gotta go. We had to perfectly agree to make this move, it’s the only way it works….I like it when we agree….it’s no so exhausting. After all, do you know how tiring my crazy can be? Remember that movie, with that couple that had an animal? Yeah, it’s just like THAT. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday.

 

 

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I Owe Her This

Love Jesus 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I guess I owe her this“….Ronnie to Ronnie

You really shouldn’t do this….” Merrill

 

I stopped apologizing for my column long ago. That’s it, end of story. If you don’t like my columns, you can debate, I’m cool with that, but really, they are my opinions, and my opinion is what matters the most here…What do you want? I am never going to make everybody happy, I am never going to please the masses, so in the end, I figured as long as I am “To thy ownself be true” I know I can sleep at night. With that said, I don’t ALWAYS go out of my way to hurt people’s feelings, and the irony is that if I do hurt someone’s feelings, it’s done without my intent. Earlier this week, there was a major player in some drama involving my family. Someone read a column, and instead of maybe emailing (oh I don’t know) ME…went to someone I love dearly, and hurt her. Just let it be known, if you hurt my family, you hurt me…and if you hurt me….well, my Reckoning is a little harsher than most. I Owe Her This…ya know mom….the older I get, the more I realized just how hard things were for you, but I don’t always talk about it…

I’ve always talked about my grandmother, which has made some wonder if I even had a mom. I did. But understand that she was left, high and dry with 4 FREAKING kids…the man literally went to the store…TWICE….Sometimes, when Merrill is out-of-town, and I have just two kids (although one is the value of two-just saying) I start to resent Merrill for leaving me and forcing me to take care of his spawn, but seriously, that’s what moms do right? WE had the babies, we take care of them…and so it came to pass, that my mom, left TWICE (by the same man) had to travel and move several times…mostly in the middle of the night (LOL), because she had 4 mouths….4 little baby birds in the nest to take care of….I didn’t realize how devastatingly hard that was. Grandma was there more than my mother. This is TRUTH….Mom had to work, all the time, she didn’t have the college education back then, that she has now (Masters in History-What?What?), she was over worked, and overwhelmed….and so yes, a huge chunk of my childhood, the formidable years, were without my mom present….it’s our truth…it was my reality….And so….

Merrill asked me, as we were discussing my being pissed off at the gossip, “Well do you have a good memory to share of your mom?”….Yeah…I do. We were traveling back to Oklahoma, or was it from Oklahoma? (I never can remember)…..but it was dark, and I was in the front seat, while my 3 siblings were in the back sleeping….We were in Tulsa, and there was a cloud in the sky…. I remember it, because it had lightening coming out of it…not air to ground lightning, but like this flashing light, that I would later come to know as “Heat lightening”….fascinated….I watched this cloud until I became drowsy, and laid my head down on my mom’s lap….she was driving…she must have thought I had went to sleep, because she scratched my head and said out loud, “You are going to be so beautiful and special one day“…and so it was WRITTEN, so shall it be DONE….it was special moment….I’ve carried that in my pocket ever since…..there were the talks, the trips, the special moments growing up, and just because I’m not inspired to share those stories, doesn’t mean my mother was gone. See, this is the reason famous people get counseling….always someone, somewhere wanting to start mess….

Look friends, I’ve said from day one, there are stories, although my right to tell, I cannot and will not, because as long as certain people are living, I will not disrespect them….It’s my way of protecting those I love, because if you judged them, I’d kill you…in public. And so, to the person that hurt my mother, by asking if she was even EVER involved in my life, know that she was…when she could be. I know that she loved us, she cared for us, but to be single with 4 kids is a special kind of bat sh*t crazy…and I really can’t be mad at many of her decisions. So, I Owe Her This.….I’m no longer bitter about many things that did or did not happen, because I’m Freaking Veronica Philips, and everything that happened made me ME….I have an amazing adult relationship with my mother…. she’s my mom….and I still have her….even if….I’m like her…UGH! Seriously, if you have questions….ask me….don’t upset my mom…or anyone in my family. I’m like the Godfather….I won’t be kind to you…and I DGAF how certain people are responding to this right now…..do not try to make me apologize for my columns….and do not harass my family….Geesh, this is why I have code names for all of them….Going to San Francisco….Have a great day…Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday.

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Inspiration

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Lightbulb” Ronnie reading a news poll.

A local newspaper asked its readers to share who…Inspired them the most….Intrigued, and in need of fresh material, I put the question to my readers….I wanted to know who Inspired you to be who you are today…..you did not disappoint. Inspiration…you’d be surprised at what we have the power to do without ever even really trying. Inspiration doesn’t have to be positive. It just has to be compelling enough to force a change in your perception and persona. I’m a fairly sarcastic, mocking, take no crap kind of gal, and you wanna know who had a hand in that? Well, the answer to that might surprise you.

8. (Tied) The Three Boys who used to beat me up for my lunch money everyday. Without you three, terrorizing my life, I would have never learned that I had the ability to lose my temper and go bat crap crazy on a bully. The day I picked up a stick, and hit one of you in the head so hard I heard it crack and saw blood ozzing down your face, was the day I realized the great joy that fighting back brought me. I do not enjoy human suffering, but I do enjoy it, if in it’s initial intent, the suffering was meant for me. I’m crazy…and I owe it all to the three of you, Walter, Elroy and Leroy….Ft. Sill Oklahoma. Also, To The Prankster who put the sign on my back, “Ask Me About My Period” and humiliated me in front of my peers…thank you. Walking the halls that day, having to hold my head above water, I realized that I had hit rock bottom, and in that, there was no where to go but up….You dear prankster, actually enabled me to not take myself seriously….I was able to be silly, and stupid; which released all future chains that sought to bind me. I thank all those who tried to control me through fear and power….In the end, you gave me JUSTIFICATION…for all future acts. Thank you!

7. Glamour Magazine. Suffering from a vicious eating disorder during my formidable years, I understand a thing or two, about BMI, and the perception of being overweight. Punishing my body for no slight it created, I would starve myself to the point of dizziness, then eat…only to bring it back up, and start all over again the next day. An article titled, “The New Plus Size Model” opined about the new Plus Sized celebrities in Hollywood and the acceptance of their girth…a whole size 8! Without any protest from the feminist groups, sworn to the protection of all things female, Glamour magazine lowered the bar on the standards for the self-images of thousands of Little Sisters around the world. Through the careful crafting of the NEW Plus Size definition, Little Sisters can now engage in sanctioned unsafe eating behaviors, to starve off the dreaded “fat” label that was once associated with the double-digit jean size. Combine this with the statement that Hollister doesn’t carry anything above a size 6, and Glamour Magazine, with the full approval of the “Beautiful People” has single-handedly destroyed the self-worth of those most likely to engage in dangerous eating disorders….our beautiful teenaged princesses. Glamour has taught me that if we don’t set the standard of Role Models, no one else will, for Hollywood has embraced the size 8, as a full-figure measurement to stay below for the big ticket features our Little Sisters watch.

6. My grandmother worked long days at HD Lee, a blue jean manufacturing company, to support herself and 4 kids. She didn’t ask to raise her grandchildren, she just did it. She was a tough old bird, who’d get up  at 4am, leave for work at 6am, and not return home until long after 5pm. She was known as “granny” in those there parts, and she was verily respected in our small Ozarkian town, even garnering the affection of the local game hunters who’d fill her freezer with all the local, wild fare. As a digression, I do not care for wild game, but my sisters (whom still reside there) love it. She was the embodiment of a hard-working, post WW2 survivor. She taught me sticktoitiveness (stick to it ness), the compelling need to rise above all that would bind you, and TO BE anything you set your mind too. She was my heart…and her spirit lives on within me today.

5. My high school boyfriend was a total, complete jackass. Just a kid himself, he was trying to do what we were all trying to do in Germany, which was bide our time and survive, until we got back to “The World”. An 18yr old G.I….He was so cute, so smart, and so aware of his charm. “I have a girlfriend back home” he would say to all his short-term paramours, just in case, they got ideas that he would fall in love with them, and walk off into the sunset with them. He treated any girl stupid enough to fall head over heels in love with him, like trash…and not the Monday morning trash, but the kind of trash you’d take out after a night of hard-core partying. I was one of the stupid ones….In the aftermath of a destroyed Spirit, good men suffered because I learned how to be smarter, colder and more proactive than any of them could ever anticipate..I have apologizes of my own to make..I am so sorry. It would take another “dog”, (smile) years to undo all the damage he did….

4. My Publicist is one of the most amazing women alive today. She has nothing but my best interests at heart; which, let’s be honest, the more Nefarious I become, the harder it is to find that quality. She is…my TWIN in every sense possible and while there are things in my past that would make her cringe, I know she’ll never judge me. I mean, she’ll want too….but she won’t. We both believe in Mission, over Money. If all we ever do is reach just one Little Brother or Sister, then one Little Brother or Sister is all we’ll ever reach, and we’re okay with that. I admire her quest to rid the world of bullies, because it’s my quest too….and if anyone could do it, it’d be her, but most likely US…together. She’s the one to watch….the one of the one to emulate….the one to KNOW….Seek her out now, before I’m discovered, because after then…it will be…too late.

3. Carl and Diane Lowe. Two salts covering the same earth, they picked us up for church every Sunday morning in those conversion vans well defined by the 80’s. Plush and pimp, we’d love riding in them every week because for a moment in time, we felt successful. On special occasions, like Easter, Christmas and Church camp, they would take us out and buy us clothes. Every year, camp was paid for by them, and every year, summer clothing was provided by them. Their generosity inspired me to be financially generous with others….We pay for church camp and if there’s something a child needs, we try to provide it. Money was meant to bless, but I wouldn’t understand that if it weren’t for the Lowe’s.

2. My 5th Degree Mentor, is married to my Publicist, and is a man with the ability to do great bodily harm upon your person, yet even with all that ability, he won’t. He goes around spouting riddles, and making people think about stuff before they do stuff. Drives me NUTS. Whereas I am very direct and loud, he is very direct and soft. If I held the power to snap your neck the way he does (and trust me, I’m trying to get him to teach that to me), I’d regulate in this city all day ya’ll…all day. I’m guessing that it’s his experiences, not unlike mine, that’s shaped his character. We’ve chosen different paths to enlightenment, but it gives me a great deal of pleasure to match wits with him, because it’s just so darn cute the way he thinks there’s a chance to change me….LOL….But someday, I might be on the verge of punching someone in the face, then remember his “open door” analogy, and think twice about assaulting my victim.
1. My husband is a smart, sexy Muthur. He’s built like a brick sh*t house…The perfect package, of looks, personality and brains, he’s the kind of guy you think twice about bringing home, because you’re afraid your mother will try to take him. He is…all things to me, and while I made a vow to never fight over a guy again, if you mess with him, I will END you….5th degree mentor be damned, I’ll make you famous, and not in the good way. He’s not perfect, he does say things that are stupid (i.e. “We’re only together due to my ability to tolerate you“), but he evens it out with Nesquick. He gave me two amazing spawns…ahem…babies….He is my heart, mind, body and soul and he inspires me every day. Not always the good inspirations, but certainly, the interesting inspirations. He saw my crazy and matched it with his sanity; which…drives me crazier. He is…the only man…who’s ever been able to hold on the entire 8 seconds…I think there’s Godly about that.

Some Thoughts From You:

Courtney Philips– ” My mom showed me how I don’t need a man to be a queen. growing up, watching her work to put food on the table, all that jazz, and still have time to make us feel loved and valued really taught me to have a good work ethic and to always be able to take care of yourself”.

Amy McQuown– ” So what I can give you is my love for Jesus is because of them (Grandma Teedy, Grandpa Dick). I’m far from perfect. And I’ve made more mistakes than I want to admit, but my knowledge of Jesus, and his love for me no matter my mistakes came from them. Church every Sunday, with them. Until I was 17 years old and driving my self. My Grandma is the rock of our family. And I can only hope to be half the grandma to my babies that she has been to all of us” Editor’s Note: I’m related by marriage…Her grandma, is my husband’s grandma….and I totally agree.

Lori Faquhar– “My husband is my Number One inspiration……he tells me daily how talented and compassionate I am to do what I do, and he always builds me up, encouraging me to reach my full potential and be all I can be”….

Ashley Edington– “My grandfather, hands down. My entire life, that man has shown me was a work ethic is. He worked at the power plant and was a farmer at the same time, and eventually retired from the power plant, and still continues to farm. I have seen him work my entire life, and never complain about it. Even when he was working awful shifts, or extra shifts, or shifts he wasn’t supposed to work but had to because he was picking up the slack for someone else. He has worked hard to provide for his family. I have learned many life lessons from his example and I will never be able to thank him enough for that”.

Becky Albin– “My Step Mom is the most saintly person I know. She used to always have dishes to wash when I would get home from school so she would be there when I walked in the front door to hear all about my day. Now, several years later, I ask myself, “where did all these “dirty” dishes come from?” She just listened-never gave advice. She and my Dad have always been there to help in any way they can”.

 

The good, the bad and the uglies of life can all be attributed to our Inspiration. I’ve seen great feats of strength, and great agonies of defeat due to Inspiration. Great leaders aren’t born, created, nor groomed, they are raised out of the ashes of having their asses handed to them, but while down, on the ground, something…has to inspire them to get up. Perhaps if we rose up leaders among ourselves….Praised our women, Valued our men…Encouraged our children…..we could change the current events in this country. Look at me…then ask yourself if you really have influence over a child, why you’re not using it. Inspiration….You have not…because you asked not…but get with me. I’ll teach you everything I know. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

 

 

 

 

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Some Things Have To Change

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“I do”…..February 11, 1995

This is indeed, a Don’t Judge Me column“….Ronnie….

We tried really hard to make our wedding anniversary the same date as our meet and greet (oh yeah) anniversary, but Valentine’s Day was on a Tuesday in 1995…so, we had to choose the Saturday, if we wanted the family to come. I suppose we did. Now, what people don’t tell you about a romantic February wedding is:

  1. There aren’t that many Valentine’s weddings because it’s COLD.
  2. If you chose a February wedding day, in Illinois, it will be COLD, and you will REGRET your decisions.
  3. TWO gifts. We still get TWO GIFTS. You don’t get to buy just one, just because both days fall almost together.

In fact, it was -30 degrees the day Merrill made an honest woman out of me….”Well yeah” he said, “hell froze over” and indeed it had, taking Illinois with it….standing in front of the church, in a dress 1 size too big, I almost panicked, except I really couldn’t face a life without him….but then again, I had no idea what I was doing. My first husband and I took our vows in my Grandmother’s front yard with her standing a mere foot from me. She was so proud….a saintly couple, from my childhood, had paid $25 for the preacher, and had given me away, since my family was still in Europe. The only thing I was missing was the pregnant belly, a beer, and a Budweiser hat. The Ozarkian Bride….I was, for all Intensive Purposes (I know) what I mock today….”Some Things Have To Change“….not only did Merrill whisper it to me as he lifted the veil from my face, but it’s also what needs to happen IF you want true happiness in your life.

When your temporarily sans a mentor, you have to guess at everything. I had known I destined for greatness, but every choice was leading me to bondage, and not the good kind. Committing mistake after mistake….Merrill and I had to earn six the hard way, but we did it together. From borrowing $40 measly dollars to take Princess to the clinic to intentionally writing a bad check so I could go see Cheap Trick, we made…EVERY mistake a couple can make! See, the poor little Florida boy I married the first time, didn’t have what it took, to compliment my crazy. There was no way we were going to last…there just wasn’t. I made the mistake of youth…and little did I know that you owe no man, anything….but here I was married, naive, stupid and 19….and disgustingly unhappy. He was a good man, an Army boy at Benning, but there was no way I was remotely ready for the life the Military required….and even if I was…I didn’t truly love him, and that’s the kicker here….this man could never stand and face the gates of hell with me, because he couldn’t even handle me…….

And so, the Army shipped out my Florida boy to Egypt for a year…..They did us a favor….as  I had checked out on him long before then. By the time he took the Mac flight to the Red Sea, I had already set up an abode in Savannah, got a job serving drinks in a strip club, making my own decisions, but living with my own consequences. I had a daughter to support, and trust that I will never judge a girl for her JOB….if she’s out there hustling it to support a family, then you can step through me to judge her…..I did digress. Some Things Have To Change, and On Valentines Day, 1993….they did.  See, Yea though I walk through the valley of sin, my God didn’t abandon me. I had made every relationship mistake to get to him….I’m pretty sure he made a few to get to me. Without that little Florida boy, I’d have never met Merrill….but I hear he’s happy too; which is more than I can say for Merrill….Some Things Have To Change….You can’t judge me, because it worked out for me……Maybe it can work out for you too. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

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You Outta Know

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Back When I Was Happy

 

Mmm, love me some Mexican food“….Ronnie eating dinner last night. I only enjoyed one tortilla….lest the Oompa Loompa gas came back.

 

So, if there’s any ONE person unaware of my adventure last week, please raise your hand, and leave the room. Seriously, I don’t want ya. Being a total baby about the whole thing (Merrill’s words not mine, but then again, when your litmus test is seen through the eyes of a “man” who suffered a Sudden Cardiac Death incident, anyone incident would be slightly wussified), I’ve written about my experience without my “Utey”. My God the horror. The total, complete cluster Eff known as a Hysterectomy is no fate I’d wish on my enemy, and as I was crying to my Publicist (I thought she was an angel. Hydrocodone is a powerful drug), I bemoaned that I just wanted to be whole again. You Outta Know….there are some things they don’t tell you in that little one page, pamphlet literature. But how can they, when you’re simply Chattel being led to auction….some things are going to be missed in the discharge instructions. Here’s what you should consider about having your reproductive organ ripped out.

  1. The Gas…..I’ve had a few abdominal surgeries (appendectomy, c-sections, bilateral Salpingo-oophorectomy), and in each one, they don’t tell you about “The Gas”. The horrible inert matter that they pump inside your cavity, that can take days, maybe even weeks, to dissipate. “Just walk” they’ll tell you so that your tissues can absorb the Co2, but you can’t walk, you’re a freaking Oompa Loompa with an attitude problem, and the last thing you want, after a hysterectomy is to look and feel pregnant, because frankly, that’s rude…cause you know….you can’t get pregnant again….EVER. I hate the gas, I abhore the GAS….Eff the Gas.

2. The BM’s…..You just don’t get how important that waste function is, until you can’t get wasted. Just think, you’re bloated, you’re angry, you’re an Oompa Loompa, and you can’t poop. I have a theory…RN’s should only be RN’s in field in which they have experience. For Example, Labor and Delivery should only have RN’s that have given birth. When the RN from the MD’s office calls you for your follow-up, “How ya doing?” 5 minute counseling session, she should be educated on the causes and effects of “Strong Laxatives”….because “Strong Laxatives” should not be willy-nilly recommended…..especially when you’re suffering from The Gas…..and while all’s well that ends well, the best advice I can give you is to start small….don’t take a colon prep med, for a slightly impacted bowel….

 

3.  Men, your wife is going to be swollen, with many bruises and dinks in her “armor” because her greatest reproductive organ has been brutally ripped, or lasered (Merrill) from her. She’s going to be vulnerable, and hysterical. The last thing you want to do, is poke her with a stick, then say to her, “Come on fatty. Get in the car“…This is the woman who gave you your babies, she’s seen you cry, she’s held you when you were frustrated, she seen you in all your naked glory, and she’s changed the sheets after you peed the bed, but she can also take you in a fair fight. She WILL be back….and when she does…your ass is going to be grass, with her running the mower. Apologize….apologize now….sex isn’t off the table forever.

 

4. Finally, it’s okay to give yourself some time to just take it easy. About day 4 or so, you’ll feel better, but you won’t be quite there…..Yes, I know the floors are dirty, the laundry is in only two piles (BLACK AND WHITE), and frankly, I know the cat is teaching himself to use the toilet because no one has cleaned his box for days, but you must let it go. The body is showing you some trickery. Besides, your husband craves instructions….he wants you to tell him, in excruciating detail, how to do the laundry, how to sweep the floors….how to take care of the kids. So just start shouting instructions from the couch, he’ll appreciate the effort, and your relationship will be much stronger for your attempt to help him do your job.

 

You Outta Know….ya know, given the choice to do this over again, I wouldn’t….I couldn’t….this is worse than that time I vomited up Mad Dog 20/20 after a night of eating Thai food. Yeah, I’ll never do that again. Gotta go. Hubby is feeling bored with not teasing me all week, and the laundry, (the colors and in-between colors), are really starting to smell…I need to go offer assistance. Poor hubby…..he at least tried; which is more than I can say for the RN who followed-up…the least she could have done was pretend to know what the hell she was talking about….now when can I have sex again? SMH. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Sunday.

 

 

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Stay Hungry

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Hey, I’m leaving to go running. See ya later! “….Ronnie to Merrill….

Merrill was sleeping this morning as I was standing naked over him. If I had had nefarious intents, it would have been too easy…but I was just changing into my “Under Armor” (hollar) clothing to run…besides, he had his back to me, and being a woman of sport, I didn’t want barrel fish…Truth is if/when Merrill and I argue, I like the fight to be fair. I’m not a sucker puncher…..and I did digress. See, the thing about Merrill is that he rolled over, saw my naked ass booty in all its glory, then went back to sleep….He’s not hungry……his tank must be full…Hmmmm, I’ll remember that later….Stay Hungry….it’s the only way you’ll ever get what you want…..NEVER let your tank get full.

Part of my charm, aside from the potty mouth, and vile treatment of Merrill, is that you all recognize my hunger….I am HUNGRY. It’s that desire to be a better person, that draws you next to me….. Whether I’m beating the crap out of my class, pushing my own body to its extreme limits, or simply thinking of new ways to get over the Facebook blockout, you guys know that I desire to be more than what I currently am…Get it?  It’s not my fault…For God’s SAKES, I’m running on a Saturday morning….I would love to still be in bed like Merrill, but we have an agreement…I let him sleep in with Duchess, a TOT whose turning out to be more like me than I’m comfortable admitting, and I get to nap at noon….Mmm, love my power naps…..but I do like what running EARNS me…and while I’d love to just drown my sorrows in diet pills….that would not be very Role Model worthy, and I could end up hurting myself. No, it’s a lot like saving my money to buy that Chanel bag. I’m going to appreciate it more, than if I find it at a Yard Sale for a dollar; which BTW, if you’re selling a Chanel at your sale for a dollar, I’m very interested……just saying…..What I’m trying to say, my friends, is this…

Stay Hungry….never, EVER have enough….never, EVER be satisfied with what you have….always look for the opportunities to improve yourself…always look for ways to be a service to another. I have at least 3 friends reading this that WANT to run, but don’t know how to start…..They want to be Nefarious, but don’t know how to get the evil ball rolling…I’m here to tell you…you gotta experiment, try, fail, try again….. pick the brains of those who have the means to help you….You want fame, Nefariousness, career, enlightenment? Earn it….work it…..Run it….then when you think you’ve had enough…go back for seconds….. See, half the problem with society, is we’re getting too many Garage Sale Chanel’s….I don’t judge…I have a pair of Gucci’s from the Goodwill….but one day, I’ll get that Hermes….and it will be brand, spanking new….it’ll look good…with my amazing body….Feel me?  I gotta go….I want to be Nefarious….I gotta earn it….this…is where it starts….You want what I have? Then do what I do….Let’s Roll. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE The Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday.

 

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A-Team

My A-Team
My A-Team

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it….

There it IS”…Ronnie waiting for inspiration

 

One of the greatest pieces of inspiration I’ve ever received, did not come from Merrill, but from Sanchez…my best friend of almost 30 years. Sanchez is the kind of friend that, for snapshots of time, will walk into your life, dole out advice like an old Southern Grandmother, then walk out….never to return your call. She’s kind of a jerk really, but she knows where the bodies are buried, and I have to be nice to her. I have no idea why I love her, but it may have something to do with the fact that before I was Nefarious…..Actually, she doesn’t care that I’m Nefarious…..That’s why I love her. I did digress. Her inspiration to me, as I was mulling over some imaginary BS was, “I only WISH you could see yourself the way others see you”….the problem is, we never do that, because if we did, we’d all be normal. A-Team.…if you don’t get your star players assembled, you will never succeed at anything you do.

You can’t judge me, cause you’re just like me. We never see ourselves the way others see us, and that statement goes both ways….that’s why we have our A-Team….personal hype men that back us up, when haters hate on our person. It’s not about beating people up, not that I mind that, it’s about having your starters surround you…to tell you the good, bad and ugly about yourself. See, Sanchez wasn’t really being nice to me….get that? She was telling me that if I wasn’t so self-absorbed in my self-righteous insecurities, I’d be able to see that as a Anti Role Model, people do follow what I write, and say. Only a starter on your team, will have the balls to tell you what you need to hear…not what you want to hear….and really, it’s better to be grounded in your foundation, than be blown over by the winds…..AND SO….

My A-Team consists of people who are brutal, but then again, if I wanted “yes” men, I’d have “yes” men….but just saying, sometimes, the brutal gets to me….I mean, is there any good in my soul? LOL, Sanchez, Merrill and my Publicist would roll their eyes at that, and really dig into me….SIGH. Guess I need a new A-Team….LOL….NO. I love and adore Sanchez, even if she doesn’t call me back….she’s a lot like Merrill….sorta. Your A-Team is going to get you through anything life throws at your face, and really, half the crap we go through, we did to ourselves…Sanchez would tell me THAT……Do not give up the honesty, for the fluff….Fluff will not support you, when you go on National TV holding the severed head of a living president…feel me? Ya know, I hear Kendal Jenner has the same issues, so maybe I’m in good company….but she doesn’t have what I have….I have Sanchez, Merrill, My Publicist and, my 5th Degree Mentor and I don’t pay them to insult me, they do it for free….how lucky can I be? My path to Nefariousness starts with their ability to never fear me, always step to me, and frankly to hold me down, when I get too upity. A-Team.…get your starters ready…because if you have ANYTHING, someone’s gonna want it…..you do nothing alone….Now the Starting Line Up for your MVP Team is….Are you kidding, I’m not telling you…you’ll try to take them……Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the example. Be KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Monday.

 

Sanchez, seriously, call me.

 

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