Tag: Soul


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Seems like a Forgiving kind of day“…..Ronnie upon seeing the weather this am.

I don’t know how families forgive the killer of their children. I mean, I don’t. Apparently at some point, they’ve made some compromise with their loss, and they think that to Forgive is by far better than letting the horrible offender live in their brain…..I kinda get that, although not to that extent. Look, we all know that bad things….very bad things….do happen to good people….innocent people, sometimes, evil doesn’t have a face, so you’re stuck trying to Forgive an IDEAL rather than a living, breathing being….I’ve fought that fight……..Forgiveness….it’s not a feeling one can muster….can’t fake it….it’s a journey…one foot in front of the other….sometimes for life……but when you finally reach it….it’s good stuff.

Very early in our relationship Merrill and I hit a bump. A HUGE bump….I was verily offended. My knee jerk reaction to being hurt is much the same as Al Capone….”You bring a knife, I bring a gun“…..because WRATH says I can! I was actually thinking about that yesterday….thinking about the horrible things I’ve done to good people, and him…….an Eye for an Eye mess…..like a wounded animal, strike at me or mine and I will bury you with extreme prejudice……I couldn’t help myself….There was something wrong with me…..but I was hurt long before he ever arrived on the scene….It’s obvious what became of Merrill and I…we got past it, Forgiveness flowed like a freaking fountain….and we’re together…..FOREVER…(evil laugh)…I showed him….but what about all the others? I destroyed good people….I only pray they’ve forgiven me..

Forgiveness is taking a big plate of crap, one that’s filled with the degradation of human soils, placing it on the ground….and walking away. There’s so much good stuff in the Bible right? Forgiveness is one of them….not for Him, but for us. Forgiveness culls the infestation of hate that fills our soul when wounded. I can’t tell you to forgive, I can’t advise you not too….your pain is your journey….like any woman, there are times when I’ll say to him, “Remember when….?” and he’ll say, “That was 25 years ago WOMAN. Let it go“….LOL, I DO love him…. 5 months into the relationship Merrill experienced the crazy that was all me…and He held on…God help him….he held on….Forgiveness is not about holding on, but letting go…Hate will consume you, Wrath will destroy you….the Devil hopes you won’t see that…..Forgive and loosen the tether on your soul….I wish you all the Peace, Joy and Success in the world….you’re gonna need it. Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.



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I Miss It


Do I have a picture of my kids? Let’s put it this way, if any one of them came up missing, all I’d have to do is text the milk carton“…Ronnie….it’s a little offensive, I know.

When the winds of change come, and they will in about a month from now, everybody and their brother will be on the “I gotta get in shape” bandwagon. Shoot I ain’t mad at them, there came a time when overweight and fed up, I too went looking for a program that would make me look like a VS model too….I found one, in kickboxing. I Miss it. I haven’t taught a class, since the “incident” and my body, as gracious as it was has now run out of patience with me….like a toddler, “Mommy, mommy, mommy” it has now begun to remind me that I’m in my 40’s, no spring chicken, and that I need to get back out and be an inspiration to others. Where the mind goes, the body follows, and when the body follows, all your dreams come true…I Miss It….bet I’ll pay dearly, when I get back on board….

What I miss the most is running. You have to be a runner to understand what it is about running that so enamoring. A few years back, I ran in the Color Run here…damned near killed me, but it was so spiritual, that I never forgot what it was like to cleanse the mind of all toxins. I’ve been seeking that detox program since…. See, in Cellular Respiration, the by-product of said burning of glucose, is Lactose…the body can go for only a short time with a Lactose build up…it seems like my life, has been running on Lactose toxins. It won’t get me much farther…I mean, I’m not kidding when I admit that I haven’t eaten much since the incident….my kids have, Merrill has….but I KNOW I’ve been so very busy with school, school and the family, that I guess taking care of the mind…hasn’t been a priority…which is a shame because the mind controls all….I’ve just been giving the toddler candy….eventually…..it won’t be enough….

So, my phone is CONSTANTLY reminding me that I’m out of memory. What it WANTS me to do is download the pictures and delete them off , but what I do, is delete apps I enjoy; which sucks, because the memory a Wal-Mart app holds, doesn’t match the memory that thousands of pictures have…So instead of doing what I need to do; which is ask Merrill to help me down my pics, I’ll simply buy a new phone. Sounds reasonable right? Well, we do that with our bodies. “I want to lose weight, but instead of searching for diet and exercise programs I can complete, I’ll simply starve myself” which I understand, but eventually, like my phone, you’ll run out…and then they’ll be no other apps to delete…You get it. The mind is the ONLY entity capable of controlling the body, and if you thought the toddler was bad, let your body run amuck, and see what happens. So…I want to run….I want to feel the blood rushing throughout every cell in my body…I want to feel my body give over after I’ve made it submit….I….want…to….RUN. I Miss It….! Gotta go. Don’t don’t delete apps that make no difference…..get out and do the work. Besides, you know a month from now, you’ll be texting me wanting to join my kickboxing program…..Shoot, if I keep going like this, I’ll want to join it too…I’m here for you…delete the right app….control your body….Be Blessed.

Remember you set The Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.

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May God Have Mercy

My Birthday 2014. I need him to be around for the others.
My Birthday 2014. I need him to be around for the others.

I can’t stand the thought of having to tell your children AGAIN that you’re gone. I can’t drive around Danville constantly reminded of you, I cannot live without you. So STFU and do as you’re told“. Ronnie finally laying the smack down on Merrill…That may be the first time he’s ever STFU when told to do so.


So, he had just got off the phone with the Cardiology RN and asked her, to ask the MD if he could go back to work. LOL, I can’t hate a man for trying, but I can put him in his place. He’s so freaking flippant about what’s up, and that’s mostly due to the fact that he doesn’t remember what happened to him. I do feel badly for him, I do. I think in a small way, he envies the fact that I get to go out and do stuff, but the stuff I get to do is both of our stuff…I mean, DAMN I need a drink. I’ve always said I married a good man….I did. It’s killing him (ugh) that he cannot get out and work out, or just work. After my outburst yesterday, he just looked at me, as I finally laid my heart and soul on the table before him….it was as if somehow we were ending a teen movie in which the guy finally gets the girl…Now we’re supposed to celebrate with Nesquick….Sigh, We talked it over…WE made our decision. May God Have Mercy on my soul.

I have to LOL, because as 5p came and went, I sat at the table, palms sweaty, tachycardiac, and anxious at the decision I had  just made. Then from the living room, a little boy, about 10, started coughing…Asthma. Good God can a girl catch a break? Now there’s a 4yr old walking cough machine eating breakfast. Talking it over with Merrill yesterday we decided that there’s always going to be strife…”They all WANT me to quit” I said over a bagel, “No they don’t” he began, “They understand why you’d have to, but you don’t. You don’t have to quit”….I had no idea just how much support I really had…and that’s a selfish statement…I know, and I’m sorry. Truth is there were 3 private messages, for every thread post…I spent most of the day, in private conversations….I’m a lucky girl. Very blessed…may God keep me humble enough to always know whom truly has my back in this world….Anywho….

In this life, one will learn to trust in the inner voice. The non-religious call it a conscience, The Community calls it the Spirit, and whatever term anyone uses, it’s the same voice..which is ironic…but I don’t have time to expound. See, the inner voice knows our heart and mind better than we know ourselves, and when we listen to it, good things happen, but of course, good things always happen anyway….all roads lead to good eventually, it’s just that some roads are rockier than others. Merrill is an idiot…but eventually, the threat of losing my highest card will diminish (God I hope so) and I won’t be so quick to decisions I may regret. I just can’t lose him….I just can’t lose him. He is my life. He is my world. He owns one-half my heart…..I’m going to be scared for some time, and please, don’t come at me with the Trust in God speech…..I think for now I’ll trust my gut, because it IS God, for whom all blessings flow (amen)….Dave Ramsey said it best, “Do not make decisions in distress”…..guess I need to put out my white flag and let others take over for a while….That’s hard. So, I gotta go. I have to work for a few hours, then take Duchess to McDonalds….I have a Test Monday….and I gotta study….I love you all…I can’t swear I’ll never bitch again, but I can swear that I’ll never take any of your for granted….May God Have Mercy On My Soul….Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show Grace and Mercy to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Saturday.

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Racism IS

I'll Kill For Him, then make you famous.
I’ll Kill For Him, then make you famous.

“My friends at school say that Donald Trump is a Racist, so I wouldn’t vote for him” Sweetness

“Well, do you know what a Racist is?” Mommy

“It’s someone who doesn’t like black folks”……Sweetness

Because you never pass up an opportunity to train your kids in the way they should go, I took a few moments, to research the term, “Racist”….Racist/Racism IS

  1. A person who believes that a particular race is superior to another. (Google)
  2. Poor treatment of or violence against people because of their race. (Webster)(Racism)

  3. : The belief that some races of people are better than others. (Webster) (Racism)

Now, there will be some whom see this as an endorsement of Trump, but know, that I’m simply trying to give my son a proper education, because there will come a day when his friends will talk to him about more than Trump, and he needs to know he can come to his mother for any subject matter they discuss. No, I’m not a Trump Supporter….but I don’t like Clinton either.

If we relied solely on the Google definition of Racist, then yes, Trump would be Racist because he thinks he’s better than everyone, but we KNOW friends that Racism extends far beyond the boundary of a simple act of arrogance. On The Talk yesterday, we saw Ms. Sheryl Underwood break down, as she grieved her fears about racism in society today. We don’t grieve arrogance. She had a point, we don’t encourage “retraining” for officers to not shoot white people, “We only have to train them to not shoot black people”…that’s a powerful statement and a true reflection of Racism in this country….Oh, and she’s right! She’s absolutely right…..

See, Racism IS….or the noun, a Racist, is not arrogance, it’s evil in human form. It’s the, “What are you looking at boy?”, the hanging of a young teenage boy for looking at a white woman, the denial of equal service to a person, based on nothing but the color of their skin. For me, the homosexual marriage debate ended, when I understood that we cannot deny a group of people the same rights, another group of people enjoy. This country has held that “All Men, are created equal”….Including, Black, White, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish….All Men….

A Racist, that is a person whom commits deliberate acts of evil, one whom dehumanizes another, for the sole intent to create harm to another group of people, is evil. I’m not going to sit here and argue the act of bias…that is bigotry….shoot, we’d be here all day, but to say that Trump is evil, but then not give my son examples of evil, or to give examples that may be detestable in mistaken identity of evil, is negligence, and frankly, harmful to our future society of leaders. Meaning, do not fill my son’s head with a bunch of crap that even YOU can’t define, then expect him to lead a life of LOVE…..He didn’t know racism from sexism, and frankly, Clinton can also be accused of racism….but that doesn’t fit into some Worldview….still, it doesn’t make it less so….that’s the thing about evil….no one party holds the patent.

It doesn’t matter to me, if you agree or disagree. We have black men and women, being shot at alarming rates…. See, when the enemy is an ideal, and not an act nor face…the line between good and evil become blurred, and before you know it, we’re using Skittles to convey the hypothesis that instead of trusting some, we’ll hate them all…equally. Is that what you want? Do you want to have your children go through life, hating and mistrusting everyone? Good God, that would be exhausting. Take Racism out of the picture, and open your eyes to the true evil…then identify if Trump…is that evil…..he isn’t….I mean, he’s an idiot of sorts….but not evil. Evil murders your children, it encourages your spouse to cheat, it kills our black men and women….evil is a sin of the soul…A stain of the Spirit….not the smug face of a politician with whom you do not agree.

Ponder that, and debate if you must, but I’ll stick to teaching and raising my son, thank you very much. Racism Is evil…it’s Satan in the Theoretical……Evil is hate….Me saying that Sanchez, my best friend, is black….is not racist….me saying that because she’s black, she doesn’t deserve to live like I (A WHITE GIRL) do….is evil! Make sure your children understand the difference, or they’ll grow up jaded and hating everyone….then, we’ve lost The Light….then we’ve lost it all. Be Blessed.




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It Never Occurred To Me


Dedicated to all my Little Sisters in the world. Even though our ages are different, the issues are the same. Remember that there is nothing you are either going through, or will go through, that I haven’t yet passed by. I experienced some victories, suffered some defeats, but I promise you, I can show you the landmines. Keep your head up, your chin straight, and always look them in the eye, for you are a perfect creation begotten from a perfect creator; whom loves you very much. Never let anyone take your birthright from you”.

“If you want what I have, you gotta do what I’ve done“.

Two direct quotes from the book, “Don’t Judge Me. I’m NOT A Role Model”.

So here I sit, the eve of my 46th birthday, and I look back at the 45 yrs behind me and I sigh. I’m on the short-side of 50 now, and I know I’m supposed to feel old….but aside from my sore back…..I don’t. Actually, I have much to look forward to..my beautiful children, my over zealous husband, the soul numbing Kiddie Pool, my amazing relationships…and The Book….the long-anticipated book for which WE will be shooting the cover this weekend. The friends are better, my health is better, the SEX is much better (YEP), and frankly, I get to help the Little siblings of the world, navigate their own path….My LIFE is good….It NEVER Occurred To Me I would be doing any of this…..So long 45, hello 46….but tomorrow….lets not rush it.

5. The roads may be different, but the landmarks are the same. Truth is, as long as boys are boys, there will be insecure little sisters with dreams of one day being noticed, and accepted by those boys. Acceptance is the core value of our soul…I get it. Don’t be someone you’re not, to be accepted by someone you don’t know. You have a light….a gift….they will come, I promise this.

4. Your Will will see you through any adversity. You are stronger than you know. When the rain comes, and it will, remember that you are a Child of God….I have faced the monsters under the bed…and won, but I didn’t win alone. There may be others waiting for me, but I know my WILL and Friends will overcome….believe in yourself.

3. Never be a victim. You may be down, but you’re not out. Hero’s are victims who got up….feel me? You need help, call me.

2. Exercise….you’d be surprised at how much a good work out will heal your soul. The Spirit is willing, the flesh is weak…make the flesh submit, and you have a Kingdom Key to Life.

1. Get a Merrill. Get a man whom loves you, adores you, sexually worships the ground you walk on, then treat him WELL. I had a friend ask me, “Why do you make fun of him? Don’t you know there are a lot of women whom want him?”….Yes I do…but I’m not worried about it. I have the confidence that he would never, ever hurt me…because he loves me as much as I love him. See, men like Merrill make life worth living. I could have each one of you as best friends, and you’d still not be at the level of Merrill. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he brings out passions I never knew existed…he’s seen me naked and afraid….Sigh….life is nothing…without a good man to walk beside you.

Remember, if you can see it, you can have it. I’m going to keep living, learning, loving, and growing….and only because someone expects this, I’m gonna have lots and lots of sex while I still can…if that makes you uncomfortable….I can’t help ya. Okay, I see a Guardian. See, that’s another joy, my projects with my children….It Never Occurred to me that My God would be so good to me…the best things in life are indeed FREE, and I guess that should have been on the list above…Have a great day….Be Blessed.

Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those whom cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Thursday.





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